Why do people go into friends with benefits relationships?

Is it more for the guy than the girl and the convenience of getting some without commitment? Would you recommend friends with benefits , if one person likes the other and goes along it, hoping it will change the other person's mind that they will come to like them in the end?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Being friends with benefits will NOT (I repeat: NOT!!!) change someone's mind into having feelings, especially if that someone has a penis.

    friends with benefits is for people who don't want a relationship (at least, not at that particular time in their lives), but still want sex. And a friends with benefits means that you are agreeing to use each other for sex because sex is all you're looking for - and THAT YOU HAVE NO EXPECTATIONS OF A RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPING.

    If you have feelings for someone, and hope to have a relationship with them, then you are straight-up lying to them by agreeing to be friends with benefits, because friends with benefits is for people who do NOT have those hopes or expectations.

    The truth is that most women cannot have FWBs successfully - their brains are meant to bond with the person they're having sex with, and get emotionally attached. Men's brains don't work that way - our brains evolved differently because we have a different role in reproduction - we're able to separate sex from feelings, and we want sex from FAR, FAR more women than we want relationships with.

    Of course, there are exceptions on both sides of the fence, but that doesn't make the "rule" any less valid.

    A friends with benefits is an "advanced" adult relationship - for people who are emotionally mature and understand what they're getting themselves into, and are okay with the limitations. Not everyone can do that, and that's okay - you just have to be honest with yourself that you're not the type of person who could handle it. That doesn't make it work for others to choose a friends with benefits, though - some people handle it just fine and even prefer it.

    You have to know yourself and be honest with yourself, and make your own decisions based on what you know about yourself. Let others do what's best for them, and you do you.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Many reasons:
    - They either fear commitment or they just don't feel like being committed or they have had negative experiences with their previous relationships and they would much rather be single and enjoy life.
    - They'd rather sleep with someone they consider their friend because that makes them feel safer compared to a stranger.
    - They spend a lot of time together which means that they can learn how to get off each other (which doesn't easily happen on ONS).
    - No strings attached sex (which means they are free from the drama relationships bring).

    I would never get involved in a friends with benefits situation, because they do not work for me. I understand that they can work for other people though.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 14

  • If you will research previous posts on this site, you will find that many people enter a friends with benefits relationship secretly hoping for more but afraid to express their feelings to their partner. They hope that after some time spent on casual sex, their partner will "catch feelings" for them. Sometimes that works out and sometime, people get their hearts broken.

    Sometimes, people enter friends with benefits only looking for casual NSA sex but they develop an attachment to their partner because they aren't really a casual sex kind of person and the repeated interactions lead to attachments. Then, their feelings get returned by their partner (hooray!) or they hear, "But we said it would just be sex!" (More heartbreak.)

    What is your goal with potentially entering a friends with benefits relationship? You must be 100% honest with yourself in answering this question!

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  • ideally it's a mutually beneficial situation where two people can enjoy a sexually intimate relationship.

    i'd recommend it for people who simply want a sexual relationship without being in a full relationship. but they have to be able to keep a good amount of their emotions out of the picture

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  • I believe most people are just after sex and are not interested in all the bullshit and drama that many relationships can have. Lots of people out there that feel they need to be married first, or you have to date for 10 years first and then all the money, time and effort spent on courting someone to finally get sex is stupid when all you want is sex in the first place.

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  • FWB's situations work out under the one following condition. Both participants look at sex as something purely physical and do not associate 'love' or 'feelings' with it. A lot of girls who get in these arrangements think that they are cut out of promiscuity and no strings attached sex but are actually not. A lot of men as well. It's not for everyone. For those that are able to do this, then it's a win-win situation. Sex feels good. Why not?

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  • Because they want to reap the physical benefits without the work required in an exclusive relationship. It's not more for guys, it's just that girls don't want to seem easy, so they would prefer to call it dating. I seem to see a lot more often that the girls, more than the guys, end up catching feelings. Obviously I'm generalizing.

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  • It is a good way to get your sex craving satisfied without all the headache and drama of a relationship. It also leaves the door open for you to engage with other people when an opportunity presents itself and it won't be called "cheating."

    BUT, I always make it clear to the girl that it will NEVER get more involved with that... so if you enter a friends with benefits with the hopes of it going further... you are stupid.

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  • Simple: they're attractive to each other, they want each other but they don't wanna commit.

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  • It allows you to get your needs for physical intimacy met without all the time consuming stuff that comes with an actual romantic relationship.

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  • don't use it for generating feelings in him. you are actually going the opposite way if you want him.

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  • People do just want sex, they can just cut out the middle man (emotions) I think both genders have equal amounts to gain in a friends with benefits situation. Feelings with these situations tend to ruin things I think it's pretty rare for that kind of relationship to develop into a wholesome emotional relationship. To me it's more like a let me get off and then either I'm leaving or your leaving do not forget your stuff on the way out.

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  • It's for whoever wants fun with no commitment, so it's for both sexes. If your intent is for it to eventually evolve into a relationship the. friends with benefits isn't for you. When both parties are set on not catching feelings then it works out perfectly, which is rare. In most cases someone eventually develops feelings because fucking without that happening is hard af.

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  • Maybe they want to avoid all the emotional drama. But this usually ends up with one of them heaving feelings for the other.

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  • Never had one, maybe because is less involving

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  • To me it's just means no obligations. You can still do stuff besides sex. Have nights where you cuddle and watch movies or play games.

    I don't understand why some women out there paint it out to be this monstrous act. Insecure ignorance I suppose.

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What Girls Said 9

  • It should be a mutual agreement. Both should know where each other stands.

    A lot of people don't want a committed relationship, but they have a friends with benefits to satisfy their sexual needs. Both should be in it for the same reason or it's pointless being in one

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  • I have a couple people who are like friends with benefits. I don't want a single committed partner at this time in my life. We have reasons it's not convenient to be in a deeper relationship. I don't know that I would recommend it. It takes pretty sexually self-actualized people to make it work.

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  • I'm in a Friends with beneifts relationship purely for the physical stuff, we've explicitly told eachother we are both in it for the physical aspect. If we were boyfriend and girlfriend I would have to meet his kids and his family and I honestly cannot deal with that kind of stuff right now. I think its a pretty good deal so long as you both understand what is going on. We've also told eachother that if one of us doesn't want to do this anymore its no big deal. This type of relationship is kind of nice because there are no expectations of either of us. I would not recommend being in this type of relationship if you have feeligns for the other person because its not 'official' and they can go talk to other people and flirt with other people. If you can't handle them not being just 'yours' then its probably not a good idea.

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  • The most important part of being friends with benefits is honesty. Tell each other where you stand, what to expect and where it will end up. It won't work if one of you catches feelings - and that's the greatest risk. For that risk, I don't recommend getting into a friends with benefits situation. It complicates things and will, at some point, make things awkward.

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  • because it is fun with no strings attached

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  • all the fun with no drama

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  • Those guys do it just for sex if you do not want the same don't do it. It never ends well.

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  • Because a variety of sex can be nice

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  • It's for the sex!

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