Why do some mothers chose a man above their own children?

I TRULY do not get that, i think these women don't deserve to have children. My own mother NEVER chose a man above her own children EVER, she ALWAYS chose us and when she got divorced she stayed on her own instead of getting another man in the house because she didn't wanted us to go through all that, she didn't want to hurt us and she said that she will get a man when we are all out of the house, my mother is a very smart woman and the number one advice she gave me is too watch out who you hang around with. Because of the love of my mom i respect myself a lot and never let a guy use me. But another girl i know told me her mom chose drugs above her own kids and later she got off drugs when a man came into her life... like wtf, how? how can you do that? your kids will Always be there for you but your husband can leave you any second...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • My mom blindly prefers me over my dad. In fact, she blindly perfers me over herself. Most of the parents care a lot about their children. It is called maturity. They chose to go for a child. They realise that they have done everything in their life and don't want seek for pleasure anymore like partying, drugs, purchasing expensive things etc. They get a decent job and invest their money for the better future of their children and the cycle goes on.

    But some people are never done with their pleasures. Drug addicts, sex addicts, gold-diggers... they just can't get enough in life. And some opt for children just for the sake of the social norm. They don't care much. We cannot expect everyone to behave in specific manner.

    I'm not saying that people should not enjoy their life. Smart people know how to manage their time and money. They spend money on themselves, but they don't need a reason, they don't rely on someone else to mould their habits.

    I don't believe that children will always be there for their parents, but parents must take the responsibility if they decided to have a child.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • One of my sisters is like that. These are usually the kind of women who have no business having kids and are genuinely not cut out to be mothers. My sister has low self-esteem, has always been desperate for acceptance, doesn't want to grow up/age and is self-centered except for when it comes to a man. She has always been a man chaser, has just always been desperate to have a man--that is really all she has ever wanted in life.

    The kids are a mistake; they're not planned (with one exception, see below). A lot of these women don't actually want kids, and it's never something they sat down and thought they wanted someday... so they could care less about doing right by their kids. In my sister's case, she's honestly a big wh0re. If you're a woman who loves sex and sleeps around, especially if you hate condoms, then, obviously, you will get pregnant at some point. Women like this will have abortions at times (which she did at least twice) and just go ahead and have the kids other times (like if they have a man in their life) and just keep going the same way they always have with their life despite having kids. My sister has had 4 kids with 3 different men and has passed one of the kids off as the child of the 3rd man (who she married), so she's saying three of the kids are his when really just two of them are.

    How I said the kids are not really wanted... that's true, but sometimes women USE kids to get to or keep a man. My sister's first child is one she had on purpose to try to make the child's father commit to her, and it didn't work. Because of this, she hates her daughter and has always treated her like garbage and worse than the two kids that she "had" with her husband (the 4th child died). The funny thing is that same daughter has now turned around and had a child just to "trap" a particular man, and she is also a horrible mother and the man also still does not want her.

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What Guys Said 8

  • respect for your mother... and mothers like that... kids are priority...
    your mom is smart...
    there is not important than kids.. they are the biggest assets of life. ...

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    • ofcourse my mom sometimes did favour one child above another BUT she never favored a man, she will Always choose her child above a man mostly because my dad hurt her the most

    • í can understand... becuase of dad like that... people do not respect there dad..
      í have seen that most of the kids of this generation do not respect... maybe becuase dad like your are more in numbers...( sorry for saying that ).
      due to this people are being disrespectful towards men too... anyways...
      take care best of luck...

  • I think the problem is the fact that those mothers don't have the right priorities. Instead of sticking by the children's father, she chooses to go after a complete stranger to the children. Whether she chooses the stranger over the children (or vice versa), it doesn't matter. Her priorities apparently are a little mixed up. I understand some fathers are assholes and never should've had children. But there are some fathers that have been abandoned that actually were good to his kids.

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  • And this is why men are reluctant to date single moms, because they know they will always be second, after some other dude's kids.

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  • Not in my house, my mother put us kids before both our father and her. Truth be told, my father generally put us before him and her as well. They would never do anything that would ever jeopardize the welfare of me and my siblings. I was raised that way and I treat my kids the same way. This doesn't mean that I wasn't disciplined or denied things I wanted but when it came down knowing that we would be protected we knew they would never let anything happen to us.

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  • Desperate. Stagnant. Alone. They're usually acting out of fear. The dreaded dying alone bullshit that I get peddled my way when I openly say I don't want marriage or children is what drives these women to bring these men around their children.

    I know first-hand how that goes and it's not pretty.

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  • Your mother has imparted a TON of wisdom!

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  • It is noble to put your children first, but for some people the thing between their legs guides them.

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  • If I was in your mom's situation, I would be the same kind of parent, just on the father side of things. I've got nothing but respect for her devotion to you and your siblings, if you have any.

    However—and this is a big however—if a marriage is successful, then the marriage comes before the children. Taking nothing away from the job your mother has done, a two parent household is the ideal. When the couple is there for each other first, there is more than enough love from either parent for all their children, but there are two parents, and all of it is happening under one roof.

    I disagree when you say your husband can leave at any second. (I mean, I know that happens, but hear me out…) The point of marriage is to be all in on each other, not just in the meantime until the inevitable divorce, but with both spouses taking the 'til death do we part thing seriously. I'm not blind to the fact that marriage is difficult as well as less and less successful all the time. But perhaps the my-spouse-could-ditch-me-any-second attitude is a self-fulfilling prophecy which is actually the root of the problem. If that's how you see your husband and it's how he sees you, your marriage will have failed before it's begun. And, in that case, you're right, there isn't anything left to put ahead of your children. Not if you want to remain a good parent, anyway.

    I won't deny that marriage is hard work. I've been doing it for a while now. But I also can't imagine anything being more rewarding. Raising children together is one really awesome part of that.

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What Girls Said 8

  • Because they are naturally selfish. No other explaining about it. That is who they are. "... she said that she will get a man when we are all out of the house" The wisest decision ever. And I know that had to be hard. If she wasn't always like this, the guy will coax her into it, mainly for the sex and use her. That is what a lot of them do. I know my sister's mom done it years ago according to my dad. All for the sex, because they fear they will never experience it again and often dump their kids on somebody else just to run wild as if they were teenagers or young adults again with that immature mentality. Heck, this is just people in general. And not all teenagers and young adults who had kids out of wedlock, or is divorced are like that.

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  • It is very disturbing. I think it's partly that women are taught they are nothing without a man, sometimes financial dependence, and sometimes just not being bonded well with their children. It's often got some alcohol and drugs going on too, sometimes domestic abuse. None of that is an excuse. I'm just trying to say why I think this happens. It's really terrible. Most Moms I have ever known in my whole life would step in front of a bullet to save their children.

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  • I don't understand it either. Your children are your own flesh and blood, I believe they should be your overall priority above everything else.

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  • I dont get that either. My kids are grown and I never wanted to get involved with a man who didn't have children. Simply for the fact they understood the relationship I have with my kids.

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  • Because some people just suck.

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  • bc they are sad horrible people

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  • Women who do that have no self-esteem and are horribly damaged as people.

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  • Because they are fucking stupid.

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