As an overweight female how do I attract the right guy? Should I simply work on my weight or personality?

How do you make a guy like you or develop a crush on you?

I’m a 20 year old black female who is currently in my first year of university, I’m a born and raised Canadian who has lived across Canada. I would love to begin actively dating yet I want to know how do you make a guy like you? I’m quite shy but I’m friendly and ensure that I at least say hi or bye to an individual following our “small talks” I’m also a great listener as I spend most of my time listening to individuals when they speak or complain to me about something. At school two of the guys I converse with the most our conversations are mainly about classes and assignments or what they are doing on the weekends. I would love to meet someone and date but I feel as if there must be something pushing guys away from me I currently signed up for a year gym membership in order to get fit as I’m 5ft and weigh 187 but strangely most of the fat went to me legs ! I’m working on myself and would love to get some advice on how I can attract the right guy who I can feel comfortable with and hopefully enjoy a respectable and fufilling relationship.

Thank you


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I really think work on both at the same time to maximize your chances.

    >> I’m also a great listener as I spend most of my time listening to individuals when they speak or complain to me about something.

    A great listener is passive in nature. A guy usually needs a bit more to know you dig him than just you listening intently, though that definitely helps.

    I think the easiest way for a shy person is develop a playful attitude towards it. It'll tend to help with your entire social life, not just guys but making friends in general, getting along better with colleagues, everything.

    You don't gain much control over your life being a passive person in the social realm. You don't have to lose the qualities of being a great listener but it also helps to become someone people love to listen to as well.

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    • I have a female friend who is a bit overweight but she's incredibly charming. She talks like this: "It was sooooooooooo amazing!" It sounds kind of idiotic but it's infectious how charming it is. She has charisma of a kind that's difficult to rival. You have to prioritize inviting her to parties, and she doesn't do poorly with the guys.

      And she's actually a very smart person, working on optical research (microscopes, lenses, etc). But she talks like a party girl, and it totally works.

      You don't need to shed lots of pounds to develop that kind of charisma, though both would tend to help you out.

    • She also says things when in agreement, "Yes yes yes yes yes! It was so awesome, right?" Her mannerisms and way of talking are so exaggerated that she seems like a cartoon character, yet it's absolutely infectious. Everyone loves her, and she tends to thrive in every social environment from her love life to her work.

      This a quality worth achieving besides just shedding pounds, though you don't have to copy her character. You can start to discover your own, but it requires getting over some of that passivity that typically comes along with shyness.

What Guys Said 2

  • well like they say, looks only get your foot in the door after that it your personality that makes the difference weather you stay or not. As far as attracting the right guy, making yourself available to be pursued and being yourself is the best way for attracting the right guy.

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  • You lose weight.. simple. Instead of hoping a guy will be attracted to you in your lesser state, become the best version of yourself and watch guys obsess over you. It's much more fun the second way.

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What Girls Said 2

  • You could try both - losing weight not to get a guy but to get healthy - reason being you probably won't be at your ideal weight for several years even if you do work out but you can find a guy who likes your personality while you are working. There is a very over weight woman in my class with almost no friends but I did a group project with her for class and she is one of the smartest people i've ever met. Most people would have no clue she is smart because they would look at her appearance and assume what you see on the outside reveals what is on the inside. I also know an obese 21 year old who was in medical school and she was engaged at the age of 22.

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  • I would suggest working on both. Personality is a huge factor, but also sadly, our society has places appearances on one of the priorities it seems. I think it would be best and healthier if you worked on your weight and also try to let yourself out more. Be a bit more chipper and smile more. I find guys pay attention more when they see a girl who can be themselves.

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