Why would a man constantly threaten to break up with you?

Every time, there's a problem ( no matter big or small ), or I'm sad, not smiling enough, etc so not in a good mood, really, my boyfriend threatens to break up with me. He immediately says things like "I'm gonna break up with you if you don't stop", "I don't want to be with you anymore", "There's plenty of girls waiting in line for me, so be careful how you behave", "I can replace you in a day", etc. He doesn't leave, tho, or if he leaves, he comes back. But this kind of attitude and things he says, make me feel really bad, unsure and unloved, because it's like I'm no different than the rest and easily replacable. I've explained this, we've talked, but his response is "if you don't like it, we don't need to be together". I really like him and don't wanna break things off, but I don't know if his attitude is some kind of a power game or he truly doesn't give a sh*t about me. What do you think?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's definitely a power game thing. He's absolutely terrified of losing you. If he doesn't like you that much and if he has all these other girls lined up he would have split with you by now. My advice would be to call his bluff. Next time he threatens you with this tell him "fine then. If you're going to dump me then dump me." His reaction will probraly be to ask you if you want to break up. He'll dance around the point and turn the conversation into you ending it with him. Turn it around and tell him if he wants to be with you he has to stop threatening you with this.

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    • You were right! He kept turning the conversation into me breaking up with him and after a few minutes of us "passing the ball", he said he doesn't want to break up...

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What Guys Said 12

  • Your boyfriend is insecure and extremely manipulative. If he had plenty of other girls lined up for him then he would actually keep that to himself. The fact that needs to announce to that you with ulterior motives is self explanatory.

    He struggles to maintain any sort of power in his real life and this is why he attempts to manipulate the relationship on a foundation of what we would call a power struggle.

    He sees you as an easy target to reclaim his masculinity through manipulative ways. That's feminine and its weak. Your boyfriend is mentally weak.

    Life fucks him up on the daily basis and walks all over him. As a repcrussion he needs to feel in control and instead of gaining control like a man, he resorts to manipulative behavior because he doesn't have the ability to take control like a man. Kick him to curb. He's a fucking pussy.

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  • He shouldn't even say these things as a joke. He's doing the exact opposite of what someone in love would do in such a situation.. How long have you been together?

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    • A bit more than 3 months...

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    • He's a great guy when things are going well and when there's a situation that isn't good or happy, he doesn't shout or put a blame on me, but he throws smth like "I want the good times, I don't want you anymore" with no emotion on his face or in his voice. Like... putting an end to a business partnership or smth...

    • Yeah I'm afraid he has to change that attitude. It's exactly when times aren't the best, that we need each other's support and understanding the most. How does he take it if you bring it up? Another important factor; Communication.

  • controlling relationships never end well. my mom was in one for 20 years and it got to the point that when she tried to get out she had to fear for her safety to say the least.

    when someone is like this it is not simply cured in a day. I know there are good times too and you love this man but you really have to get out while you can.

    promise me you'll be safe and I promise you you'll be happier with someone who actually cherishes you and makes you feel important and loved.

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  • its a controlling relationship and they r never good and never end well if i were u id end it and move on before something really bad happens

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  • The better question is why are you putting up with it? It won't change so you have a decision

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  • DUMP HIM. You do not deserve this treatment. He is MESSED UP in the head. Walk away. It is absolutely 100% a power game. Dont play it with him. Just go. Leave him.

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  • You have found your way into a relationship with a control freak with a low self-esteem guy.

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  • This is abusive behavior and it's completely unacceptable. Dump this guy. This will get worse, not better. Find a guy who is capable of giving love.

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  • He's an asshole.

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  • When these situations occur, either one of the two is an idiot
    I'm not suggesting that you are stupid by any means, but you should reconsider your choices
    Some people will probably tell you that you should tell him that it's a problem for you, but that won't solve anything really: a person that is so stupid to do such thing to you isn't worth your time.

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  • I only do that with complete and total fv<k! ng b! tch3s...

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  • its funny seeing girls go through dating and relationships these days wondering what happened to gentleman? Well ladies... consequence of feminism and gender equality. Good luck honies buhahahahaha!!!

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What Girls Said 12

  • Well in truth, he's giving you the ultimatum. You never really shared what is it that your doing wrong for him to say those things. Giving ultimatum's are not about control. Controling people likes to control everything you do without compromise. Mainly so when the relationship settles. There are boundaries, and boundaries are to be kept in any kind of relationships. I say that you need to take a step back an evaluate what are you doing wrong before you accuse him. Have you talked to him about what is it that your personally doing that gets him agitated?

    Do you know what his personality type like? You sound like a very emotional person and your with a person who is not as emotional. Is probably a perfectionist, and you maybe a free spirit. Your probably complete opposites. 2 things are not abusive, and the rest are abusive. You two have to come together and speak about what both each need from each other and stop blaming each other. I believe he wants to love you but certain traits that you have, he may find it as a negative and it drives him crazy. For an example, He wants the dishes clean right after you eat and you don't care about it until hours later. Figure this out.

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    • But if you have expressed this, then you have 2 choices: Either find a way to compromise and work with him, or walk. But if your walking, make sure your fully committed to go with no emotional set backs. Because you can love a person, but you can't stay where you're being neglected and emotionally, mentally and psychologically abused.

  • My man never in live said this, and honestly, if he would say IT ONCE i would be gone for real. Who does the think he is? Instead of asking what's wrong with you and trying to hug and be there for you he acts this way?
    Girl, you better RUN away from this PRICK he does not deserve you...
    Don't allow him to treat you this way, tell him OK there are a lot of men waiting for me too, MEN who actually won't bring me in this situation of ME BEING SAD because of FREAKING YOU... just be strong and let him get a peace of your mind...

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  • That's an awful thing to say to you! It's also controlling behaviour. Tell him what this makes you feel and if he doesn't stop, then you leave him. He shouldn't be threatening your relationship like that.

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  • He is right in one of those things: If you don't like it, you don't have to be with him. Like getting that treatment would be something desirable? Yes, it's a power game. Next time he says he doesn't want to be with you, just show him the door :P

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  • That's abusive... get out of that relationship. one of my sisters had a husband that both mentally psychology abused her too.. im sure if you do leave him he's gonna apologize and claim he won't act that way again... then if you make a mistake and go back , he'll do it again. i know because my sister was in a similar situation except she was with a guy that would listen to her phonecalls. had a temper problem and tried to isolate her from family and friends He is trying to manipulate you. You don't need someone like him in your life. thats not healthy at all

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  • Tbh im like this towards MY BF! And i think its cuz im picky and im wanting things to go perfect or a certain way... (OCD) But nobody is perfect are they haha. And also commitment... im afraid to commit to life long-term things... since I don't know what love is, or what it means.

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  • Girss thats supposed to scare you back into acting right which is dumb lol, that's not a good relationship

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  • he doesn't give a shit about you. next time when he threatens you just say okay go ahead. then block him from your life forever

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  • He's a spineless controlling bitch. Just like me ex was.

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  • Oh dont explain those things. He isn't a two year old. He knows it makes you feel bad, less than perfect, less than loved. I had a boyfriend like that I put up with that too long... till one day I thought..."well ya know what mr. If I dont like it"... As a matter of fact I didnt! It made him seem rude in a way that embarrassed me to be with him... Kinda like he had a horrible physical appearance... I think the ugly inside started effecting what I saw on the outside.
    One day he started the "well, ill just leave" ... I got up , walked to the door and said , let me hold this open for you. He marched out cussing and I was sad but I felt GREAT TOO.
    Those things he says come from someone who needs to take your self esteem because his is so low. He says he can do so great to make himself feel good.
    Id dump him quick... but if you stay... dont take even one put down. They won't stop, and sadly when you feel worthless... physical threats usually start.
    My guy took a long time to "get it"... I wasn't going to put up with it... he said he'd leave if I cut my hair.. I cut it till the longest hair was four inches. I told him I felt sexy with the style and since he could replace me... he shouldn't mind...
    When he didn't call... I texted..."I truly hope you'll be happy. Dont worry ill be fine. I told enough guys no that im sure there's a few who want what you dont. Your a great guy minus the negative personality but im sure a great girl somewhere likes that. you'll do fine too. Keep in touch I do care".
    3 weeks later he made an excuse to come by... I didn't communicate till then. He broke down crying about how he was wrong and I was great. He wanted back with me and I wanted him to get counciling cause I wasn't dealing with the ugly inside him... he's learning I will stand up for me... and he's nice or he's alone.

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  • How childish! Do you want to be with someone who has one foot out the door?

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  • Lol next time tell him you are breaking up with him, actually do it depending on his reaction he sounds like a future asshat. But my best friend is the same way, I call him a fag and he calls me a bitch or something along the lines of that, but we know when each other are actually feeling bad and how to fix it. Maybe ask him to find a better way to put you in a good mood.

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