He and I are ghosting each other?

Dating for a month. 5 dates, great conversations, lots of laughs, haven't kissed. Our last date was two weeks ago, and we haven't spoken since. Pretty sure it's my fault, and I need advice. To keep it short, he's insecure but hides it with sarcasm. Problem is, I didn't realize how insecure he was until after the fact.

Our last date, I left my phone face up on the table while I was taking off my coat, and he saw it light up with a bunch of texts from my friends (all happened to be guys - probably red flag for him) as well as an EXTREMELY long text from one guy pouring out his heart saying how sad he was that I didn't reciprocate his feelings. My date glimpsed this before I put my phone away and joked, "Breakup text from your boyfriend?" At the time, I thought he wasn't affected but in hindsight he was trying to play it cool (the rest of the night he kept joking about me ditching him for "hot dates" with other guys). To make matters worse, he noticed a phone # on my hand (barista tricked me by saying he'd write down the name of a book but put his # instead). I clarified everything for my date and thought he understood. After dinner, we went to a bar. I mentioned having to leave soon bc I wanted to bring my friend cookies since he was really sick (I purposely left out gender so my date wouldn't overreact, but pretty sure he figured it out). My date asked about the number on my hand again, and I noticed his jaw ticking while I elaborated. It got quiet (he's always been a poor conversationalist and relied on me to carry things, so this wasn't unusual) so I looked around while I thought (he probably thought I wasn't interested) and he said, "I don't have anything to talk about." More silence. Then I said, "I'm gonna go," and left.

Neither of us have talked since. I definitely messed up; he thinks I'm disinterested. The whole night he said he thinks I'm "great" and he "likes me." Normally I text him after our dates, but I didn't this time. How do I fix this?


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What Guys Said 1

  • He lost interest or feels he has no chance with you. Might want to change your message settings on your phone.

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    • He was even more touchy with me than usual on our last date (nothing inappropriate, just finding more excuses to be close) and told me in detail what he admires about me, so I do think he's interested, but I'm totally guilty of giving him mixed signals. He's even asked in the past what I think of him, but it was so subtle that it didn't click until now. (I'm very new to dating/oblivious to signs of interest.) He knows I get bored of people quickly/have a tendency to ghost so I'm sure that's been weighing on him too. Does he think I'm a player? He seems irritated when I mention hanging out with my guy friends, but I never bring them up to make him jealous - only to tell him who I saw/what I did during the week. Shortly before I left him at the bar he was telling me that I can't trust guys because all of them are after more... Is it worth reaching out? I don't know what I'd say.

    • If you do not know what to say then why try and reach out? It just more mixed signals.

What Girls Said 1

  • Text him

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    • Do you think I should acknowledge the two weeks of no contact, or act like everything's normal?

    • Start off regular and see where it goes.

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