How do I move past my fears concerning relationships? and the idea of vulnerability?

Hello I would appreciate some insight into relationships?

I’m currently a first year university that has never had a relationship and I would love to experience a fulfilling relationship yet I’m terrified of allowing someone into my life and the idea of vulnerability really scares me. I’m also a virgin so the idea of having sex also scares me as I wonder how it is going to affect the feeling I have for a guy and the dynamics changes it may cause? Therefore I would love some insight on the manner I can deal with these issues? For some background on myself I’m a black female, raised in Canada and raised by my single mother in which we faced quite a bit of financial hardships which caused me a lot of frustration and insecurities in which I’m trying to move on.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I understand, I was also raised by a single mother and was told how awful guys could be from a young age so I definitely had my reservations. I also stayed a virgin until after I graduated college actually (so longer than you).

    I think you should take your time, the instinctive walls that you have constructed to keep yourself and your heart safe will take time to dismantle. There is no rush, do it at your pace. As long as you have a desire to let someone in, you will eventually manage it.

    I think part of it for me was realizing that although I am vulnerable it doesn't mean I'm weak. It takes strength to allow oneself to be emotionally vulnerable. I also recognize that I might get hurt, but I have faith I can recover from it, that I can learn from it and move on stronger. I give myself permission to be vulnerable and to possibly fail. Someone breaking your heart, it hurts, but it isn't the end of the world. So it's okay to let yourself be vulnerable.

    I also recognized that for me to obtain the relationship I've always wanted, it required me to let someone in, to be emotionally dependent on someone else. If I didn't allow myself to be vulnerable, a part of me would always be closed off to my SO and I would never have the closeness that I desire. For me, this realization would what prompted me to try to lower my defenses, to learn how to allow myself to open up emotionally.

    • Well said. Thank you for giving an excellent answer to the Asker and sharing a little bit about yourself.

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  • would you like to talk privately.


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