26 still single, feeling like a loser?

I feel like I have to chase guys in order to get a boyfriend. Guys never ask me out. I feel undesirable, not pretty enough not sweet kind fun. The only thing men want from me is sex. And I don't even give that out until i get married. I have nothing to offer.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • >> I feel like I have to chase guys in order to get a boyfriend.
    >> The only thing men want from me is sex.

    I think these two are correlated. If you pursue guys in ways where you're the primary aggressor, then typically you'll run into many cases where guys are only interested in you for sex.

    That said, girls often get a misconception about this. Chasing after males aggressively doesn't make them want to just have sex with you. It's not the pursuit that does this. It's that they only wanted to have sex with you all along.

    Most guys have a range of girls they're willing to accept as mates. At the very top of that range are ones they can potentially have as a serious girlfriend or even a wife, and they will pursue such girls very aggressively. As we get towards the middle of the range, this is like nice hook-up material for casual sex and they might still pursue such girls. At the bottom of the range are girls they'll just have sex with but probably won't pursue unless they're feeling desperate.

    What happens when suddenly the girls at the bottom and middle of this guy's range start pursuing him? It's like now they're handing their pussies to him on a silver platter. He'll take the offer, but she was never marriage/girlfriend material to him to begin with. If he was only going for marriage/girlfriend material, he'd reject her.

    It's why I don't recommend girls to become too aggressive. I recommend they take initiative and say "hi", flirt with guys, but never to the point of chasing after them unless you're okay with casual sex. Otherwise, too often if you pursue and chase a guy aggressively, he might start thinking, "I don't really like this girl. I don't want her as a girlfriend, but she's chasing after me. Maybe I can just sleep with her, I'd enjoy that." Then the girl ends up with this jaded view that every guy only wants her for sex.

    For your case, instead of channeling this aggression towards chasing down guys, I recommend channeling it towards self-improvement and making friends. Do this well and the guys will start pursuing you, and when guys are pursuing you, you'll find a higher ratio of those who are interested in you for something more than hook-ups.

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    • Where things shift a bit is if a girl is totally fine with casual sex, in which case being aggressive and chasing down guys makes sense. She will find what she's looking for typically with such a strategy.

      The other case is if a girl pursues, say, a virgin shy guy whose preferences for sexual partners aligns with his preferences for serious material. In those cases, these guys usually just have narrow preferences towards the girl they want since they're saving themselves for "someone special". However, they're often not so popular with the opposite sex and may be a bit awkward and shy around girls. Such a girl might still end up getting rejected often by pursuing solely those types of guys, but at least she won't end up being rejected as a girlfriend while accepted as a casual sex partner.

    • Aggressively socializing and making friends is something I believe works the best, and that's different from aggressively pursuing the opposite sex. Pursue dicks and that's typically what you find, a bunch of dicks. Pursue love too aggressively and that's also what you typically find, a bunch of dicks.

      Pursue friends aggressively and what you can find are good friends. And if you concentrate on self-improvement simultaneously from physique to presenting yourself to socializing and charming others, then among the good friends, you'll find some good guys, and some of those good guys will be attracted to you. And voila, your chances are best at this point to actually find some real boyfriend/husband material.

Most Helpful Girl

  • 26? Shit girl, you're still wet behind the ears. You have plenty of time. Maybe a site like Christian Mingle would be good to find guys who feel the same way you do about waiting for marriage.

    Concentrate on creating a great life for yourself though. Take up some fun hobbies, save your money and travel, collect experiences. When your life is full and you're enjoying it, you'll be incredibly attractive - it's like magic.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 20

  • im 26 i went from almost always having a girlfriend prolly sincei was 15 until a couple years ago and in almost 3 years have only dated one girl long distance n I don't know thats not really the same. but yeah i think about it sometimes, but i figure when the time comes itll happen.

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  • keep trying

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  • I'm 22 and have never had a girlfriend before. This has caused me a lot of pain, because there's never been anything I could do to get affection from a girl. You're doing the right thing by saving sex for marriage, because you're worth more than that. My point is, I feel your pain, feel free to message me if you need an empathetic ear to listen to you :)

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  • Upload a pic. Get an honest rating.

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  • what's wrong in asking guys out? ? you miss 100% shots you don't take.

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    • Because I keep getting rejected. Guys like women that are hard To get.

    • maybe or maybe not. a pic of you in the question and your interests would have solved it much faster.

    • Im ugly

  • People aren't lovers for being single.

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  • I know exactly how you feel. Like a tossed off piece. Forgotten unless you have something everyone else knows they can get.

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  • I'm just about 29 and still single. I'm really picky and shy. 😰

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  • if you're one, what does that make me?
    Smh... geeez

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  • I am 26 and I'm single too. It doesn't bother me at all. You don't have to think yourself a loser because you don't have a boyfriend.
    I spent more times with my friends. I keep busy myself with other works.

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  • Don't you worry everything happens for a reason

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  • 31 and still single do you want to date me? lol what a an answer silly guy 😂

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  • how are you on looks departement?

    do you bring out insecurities?

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  • I'm 28 and been single all my life. I feel the same way you do. I wonder what do I have to offer?

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  • by the way.. Where are you from?

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  • Maybe you just haven't found the right person yet. x

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  • How long have you been single now?

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  • that's not right everyone has someone who doesn't really only care about sex u can wait for a right guy... anymore help add me on FB or Kik Babasagar1 is my id

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  • Where Are You From Though

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  • I'm 41 next month and single but I have a kid who I have custody of. You got around 15 years, to catch up with me. being single does have upsides.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Stop thinking that way. Speak to a therapist if you have to but you've got to change your mindset. A lot of women stay single at this age. It sounds cliche but you just have to have fun being alone. Do anything that will allow you to interact with others and work on your vibes. What you put out into the world is what you get back.

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  • Then build yourself up as a person and start asking guys out yourself.

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  • it is common

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