Girls with crappy/abusive exes should be avoided?

Basically, like, every girl I've either dated, met, or heard of with an abusive ex seems to be completely fucking obsessed with the guy, either always talking about him, occasionally talking with him, and, eventually, fondly reminiscing about the few times he didn't beat her up. Fucking why? Basically every girl I know that was in a shifty relationship is like this. And they usually treat their current boyfriend like crappie because he's just a placeholder until she inevitably goes back to the ex. And if he wasn't abusive and was just a shitty boyfriend, they're even more obsessed. Tbh, I think it'd be best to avoid girls that were once in real bad relationships.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This can go either way. I've had some fucked up exes and I don't miss any of them. Some of them are dead because karma happened and they got what was coming to them. I'm older than you though of course. I'm still waiting for karma to pay a few more people their comeuppance. The point is, I don't miss any of that at all. I also don't tell new people too much of that but once I get a bad vibe off someone I just stop seeing them. I can see it coming my way now. I choise singletude because my life has always been hard from abusive parents to abusive partners and that's kind of what happend what you grow up with it. I'm a grown woman and don't expect anyone to fix me but me though. So you don't need to be Captain Save a Ho. You need to find a woman who doesn't have crazy exes around who are probably following her trying to beat you up for trying to date her and shit. Men are meant to solve problems, not create them but you aren't meant to solve the problems other men created and if those chicks want those type of dudes, they aren't worth it.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • might take a bit if i really like the girl but if you realy are into her to take the bad with the good and just work with her till she is comfortablr with yu snd make better memrys till she doesn't bring it up.

    i mean women like that have no one to talk to or explain things to the whole time there with the ass hole who abused them. your gonna be there pillow , there emotional punching bag and everything else til they get it out of there system.

    you have to be the rock they never had before and it might take a while but things will get better over time you just need the patients and the love for the girl to be able to be there and not question anything because she is doing something she probably has never done in years if it was a really abusive relationship.

    let her feel around till she feels like she can be the women she once was.
    i know most people think this is just a bullshit explanation to get in the girls pants but it isn't.

    its all about making her feel safe and wanted and never alone. hell if you have weapons let her have a hand at them give her some training build up some of her confidence. . be the yes guy when she needs it and the no guy on her terms and it seems like im some kind of feminist lover but its not that.

    i just think women who go through that kind of thing need assurance there gonna be safe and nothing will harm them.

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    • Why return to the people that DID harm them? I struggle with my own problems, I need to trust the girl I'm with, if can't reassure her that I'm better than Chad that she wants to go back to even though he beat her. I don't do the whole dancing monkey shtick.

    • well if it ever happen when you are a round if if there are signs of it while you are with her. you handle it yourself if you think you can. i know i have dealt with it more than once and have had my share of hospital rooms lol but in the end they guy never talked or touched the girl again after i was done.

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What Girls Said 5

  • lol.

    If a girl was deeply entrenched in an abusive relationship or a relationship with an @sshole, sure. One of my sisters married an abusive guy, and she only let him hit her a couple of times before getting out. She was done after that, moved on and is now married to someone else. My other sister was married to an abusive guy for years and is trying to get a divorce now, but she's living with someone else. It's not exactly like you said, but I do know she would be back with the abusive husband if it weren't for another guy being in the picture. In her case, the abusive ex won't leave them alone. I don't know if she'd be talking about him or wanting him back otherwise.

    Regardless, yeah, I think avoid women who were in abusive relationships. It says a lot about them that they would put up with that, even if they don't seem to want that guy back. They're usually f*cked in the head, which will f*ck with your relationship and could eventually drag you down and f*ck you up. They also tend not to like decent guys... like, being with you is boring to them, there's not that drama they crave or are used to. A lot of them, if they don't dump you, will create drama for no reason because that's what they like or are used to... this is how my sister is right now, whereas before she just would not stay with decent men. Basically, they don't want or know how to have normal relationships.

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    • That basically is what happened to my friend. He's with a maniac that keeps dumping him for inane reasons and then begging him to take her back. I told him to call it off for good, it's just not healthy.

  • If they're coming to you you should also be worried since they tend to go for the same type of guy over and over again lol
    But usually the abuse doesn't start right away. The guys first act very charming and then when the girl is head over heels in love the abuse begins. And the guy will tend to make the victim believe that it's their own fault they're being abused (eg. I wouldn't need to hit you if you didn't ___). The girl is usually insecure and naïve due to her history and won't have the strength to leave the relationship. And unfortunately once she does she either returns to him or finds another abusive partner. So a lot of misconceptions in what you said but I can see how it can be perceived that way

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  • If she seems hung up on the ex still, then yes, you should absolutely stay clear. But if she has fully moved on and is aware that her previous relationship was unhealthy, and wants something different now, then I don't think there's any reason to worry.

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  • No thats so harsh. Not all abused girls are freaks. Some were abused cuz they are freaks and allow it and thats where they find themselves. Some just need to be corrected. Just try to make out the difference instead of the non fair judgment.

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    • I don't know, vast majority in my age have serious problems and probably secretly loved getting bruised and beaten.

    • Find the right one for you, but don't change ur thinking or ur attitude for a bunch of wierxos

  • They're usually referred to as battered women. When you're in those relationships, those times he didn't beat you up meant you didn't do anything to provoke him, that things were good. You don't think "This guy is shit and I have to get out of here" because he says he loves you, he's sorry, but you had to be corrected. You think "I have nowhere to go, and he'll change. I know he can". I talk often about my abusers because it's always on my mind. Every time someone yells or slams a door or even just looks at me a certain way and I feel threatened, like it's going to happen again. But if you let her talk to her ex you have no reason to talk. I talked to mine and made things so much harder to get out of. I felt guilty and like everything was my fault and that I broke her heart, when really I should've stayed away and healed. So don't get mad she goes back to him if you don't try to stop her from contacting him or from responding to him.

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    • It's not my problem, I learned my lesson long ago, I think they enjoy that shit and don't go for girls that tell me about their awful past. This is for a friend I needed to convince to break up with a possessive, toxic psycho.

What Guys Said 2

  • I think they should be avoided too... but for another different reason.

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  • My wife was just out of a really bad marriage when I met her. She's beautiful and sweet as can be, and we're very happy.

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