For people with social anxiety disorder, how do you ask someone out?

I have social anxiety disorder, and I was really thinking about asking this girl out in the fall, but I missed my chance. We've been friends for a while, and used to talk a lot, but hardly ever anymore. I just learned she's started talking to someone else that she likes (I don't know them), which was really painful. Anyway, I'm just wondering what people who have social anxiety think about or how they decide to ask someone out, because I was too scared and I don't want to feel like this again.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • On facebook or through texts.

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    • The only problem is that we're friends in school and have a lot of the same classes, and if she said no, I couldn't face her again. But for next time, that's okay? I've read that it should be done in person

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    • I feel the same way about being rejected, that's what stopped me. It's nice to know that's okay though, it helps! Thank you.

    • You're welcome

Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm kinda the same as you, I really fear getting rejected and any embarrassment that may follow. I've only ever dated one girl and she did all the initiating, so it was much easier to tell her how I felt after she told me. The sucky thing is that you can't just know if someone's into you just by looking at them, someone has to make the first move. I guess I can't give you any fool proof advice on asking a girl out since I haven't done it either, but I'll tell you this. I'm kinda crushing on a girl right now who I see a few times a week. I want to tell her how I feel, but if I do and she doesn't feel the same way it would be awkward every other time I see her. So what I try to do is smile at her when talking or other general body language things that kinda say "hey I'm happy to see you" or kinda show that I'm sorta interested. In doing this I'm kinda hoping she may start dropping hints if she's interested or just straight up tell me. I don't know if this'll work at all, but because I have the social anxiety type feeling and don't feel comfortable just telling her at this point this is what I'm trying. Try it, maybe it'll work for you.

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    • Let me say, I really get what your feeling right now. I'm doing the same thing with the girl I was talking about, I always try to be nice and give her complements, and I really care about her a lot, I want her to be so happy. For while we would play tennis together, and I could always make her laugh, which made me feel so good. The issue is that were both super academic and focused on the future, and a bit socially immature and outcast. I don't know if she even wants a relationship with anybody. I haven't either, because they ONLY romantic relationship I would be brave enough to have is with her. I really don't want to ruin my friendship with her by asking, and this year she started not to talk to me as much, and one mutual friend told me she was messaging someone through Facebook outside of school. I finally realized she might be into dating/relationship, and it wasn't with me, and I don't know if she liked me and I blew it, or if she ever liked me.

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    • I'll make sure to do my best to show her how much I really do care, that advice was so helpful. Thank you!

    • No prob, man. Glad I could help!

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • I always confess my feelings via a message, because I know that I couldnt do it face to face

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    • Has anyone ever gotten mad at you for doing that? I couldn't do it face to face either, but I've never done it before and I don't know what's okay. This girls was my first crush, and I've felt this way for years. I'm pretty pathetic I guess

    • No, I did it only 3 times but the guys knew that I'm really shy so they understood. It worked 2 tho

    • Thanks, its helpful to know that people will be understanding.

What Guys Said 7

  • Depends on what you're comfortable doing. Most people find it easier to do it over text, but the key thing is to just do it. No matter how you do it, it'll push you out of your comfort zone. Just find the way that would be easiest for you.

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    • Is it weird facing people afterwards or do you fell better for just doing it?

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    • No problem. Don't worry about rejection, it's just something that happens in life and it's important to be able to accept it. That being said, it doesn't necessarily mean you'll be rejected. Good luck to you!

    • That's a nice way to put it. You're very kind, thank you.

  • I'm a text person myself but be careful texts etc don't count as real world attraction.
    Phone calls, hanging out, these are real social situations. If you don't change yourself, very soon you'll find no one around you.
    It's a sad situation to be in to be honest. And the only fault of mine was that I couldn't "speak up" :(

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    • I'm the same way, it's so hard for me to speak up about anything. It's embarrassing to admit but I'm scared of facing people and what they'll think of me.

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    • You're a plucky lad, you'll do well in life

      Keep courage :)

    • Right-ho my friend. Thanks for the advice, I'll do my best never to lose courage or hope. Cheers!

  • Well you all ready know your fear of rejection so just know that the answer is no that will minimize the damage and ask her to pizza every one likes pizza pie she might just say yes and that's what you'll be thinking yes now you have a chance and nothing to lose she will get off knowing a guy likes her enough to ask out to pizza !!!

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    • Maybe she will like that someone cared enough to ask her, that good advice, thank you!

  • You have to ask her if she wants to go out and eat somewhere. Make it close to her house, so you can walk her home. While you walk her home, ask her if she likes you. That will be a great start, and after that, it should be even easier to ask her our

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    • I can really be point blank and just ask if she likes me?

    • (Sorry I couldn't answer sooner, the app wasn't working.) Yeah, if u aren't point blank, there's less of a chance she'll be interested in u. Girls like guys with confidence

  • Just ask them dude. If they say no, respond with dignity and humour. If by some miracle they say yes, have a plan ready to put into action.

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    • I honestly never would have thought to have a plan ready. Thank you! That's a embarrassment saved. :)

    • That's good sarcasm. I figured you would do that, but you know, there's always one.

    • Wasn't sarcasm man, I'm seriously super bad at this. I see where your coming from though, my bad, it was worded poorly. I've considered what to do right after if she said yes; I was too busy worrying about if she would say no.

  • OK Get this... Ask her out by not asking her out... Sounds weird but think about it. Find what you have in common and ask her to join you in it. So it's not like an official "date". I much prefer it that way anyway and I think women are more comfortable with it also. If she likes coffee ask her to meet you at a coffee house. If she likes bicycling ask her to join you in a ride. Could be anything.

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    • We have played tennis before, we used to play a lot actually. Is there anything I should do afterward or extra? Nothing ever came of those tennis sessions.

  • Maybe online dating but it isn't best to just solely use that

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    • This site is my compromise, I'm a bit young for online dating. :)

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