I'm kinda in the same boat as your ex but don't have commitment issues. It was more or less the ones I wanted didn't want me, in the long term; and vice versa nor was I gonna settle just for the sake of dating. I've had lots of dates, flings, hookups but no real relationships. I've been seeing this girl for the past 3 months but she's not sure where she wants to take it. The others I've felt closest to I got used as a rebound which can mess you up really bad. If there's anything I've learned, it's that quality is way important than quantity.
@bloodmountain1990 we met on OkC, where we have exactly 99% match out of more than 1000 questions. Our expectations, what we want from life, what we want from future, 90% of our hobbies, how we get along etc. is like super. Except we have mediocre sex, because I had two very long relationships, and one almost relationships (due to distance so we went with friends with benefits rather than official for 1.5 year) so my quantity is few, but quality, i assure you i tried many things during my 2 and 3 year relationships. Ranging from weird adrenaline freak locations to kama sutra to all kinds of things and i was very safe. he on the other hand at most had about 2 months of not so regular sex with a person and he hasn't tried more than three positions:doggy, missionary, legs on shoulder. done deal. and he really didn't know how to please a woman orally he lacked the confidence but i was patient and tried to talk it through to improve.
so sex was the only deal breaker for him but he was the one who didn't wanna get tested in the first place so i didn't wanna go for bare when he had been with 15 women (pretty irresponsible and reckless and not adult thing to not get tested even once in entire life at the age of 27), not even for oral. he was the one who wanted to try things but never talked through like bdsm etc. you dont do extreme things out of blue, you talk as couples to improve. he didn't understand that. plus he always hid himself behind "i am introvert i can't talk" thing. so always excuses. now i look at things crystal clear. i think he and you are different. he clearly had commitment fear, and he lacked confidence. also he always said "he has never fallen in love so he is scared he may fall in love with me and his heart will be broken"... no comment. he was not willing to take risks and i am sorry for him that he is living his life this way. in the end, jk rowling says "do not pity the dead, pity the ones who li
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What if I haven't had one.
you can tell her but not the part that can hurt her
@TomBradysJersey Be honest and tell her. I told my first relationship I had that he was my first one.
I know I should, but (and I know this sounds stupid) I feel like it might be different because i'm a guy.
@tombradys surely it will be different for you as a guy
@TomBradysJersey just do it. Everyone has a past.
Yep! She went off about on the first date!Never again.
@10dsw Good for you!
Who would leave you? You're gorgeous:)
@red324 hahaha thank you! My personality wasn't so good though.
Live and learn. Mine wasn't the best either when I was younger.
@red324 Yes very true! Break ups are good for lessons!
Oh and keep the long hair, girls always seem to cut it off here the in US. I know it's a pain to dry off and everything, but most guys love it :)
@red324 ha what? Of course am not going to cut my hair. Long hair is the antenna to our 6th Sense.
I get baffled when a woman needs to tell me her sexual past and other super personal details, especially on a first date which has happened. Whether a girl has slept with 1 or 20 guys, I don't wanna know the details. It's not like I wanna know what she did with them or if the sex was good/bad. I see it the same way as bringing up exes. If you're constantly bringing up exes/past sexual partners, it seems like they're not over them or they're comparing you to them and who wants that?
@bloodmountain1990 I agree with you. Sometimes the person is bragging for whatever reason. There could be many reasons.
And by the way I think guys or girls talking about it is weird. Not trying to preach that stud/slut double standard.
@bloodmountain1990 Sometimes these things come up in various conversations. That's fine, but too many details are wrong.
Yeah I once had a girl tell me how she slept with way more people than I have, how she fucked get ex 2 days prior to the date, how good/long he lasts in bed, how they're both sex addicts, and how she fucked 2 guys of the same name as the bus boy who walked past. This was all on the first date and she volunteered it all. Another girl talked about how she had an abortion in the past on the first date, and randomly mentioned how she was caught by a train on her way home to take a pregnancy test and then had her period when a train passed by. Don't get me wrong, I'm 100% pro choice but I did not to hear that. The only time I wanna hear about a girl getting an abortion is if I got them pregnant. And I don't say this out of jealousy or possessiveness. I think it's just as weird for a dude to randomly talk about how he got an ex or hook up pregnant.
So what your saying is that someone's past (in terms of dating) doesn't matter? I agree with that but I feel like i'm not like most people.
To some extent it does. But I'm not going to hold it against him. As hard as it is to believe, some people do change.
I mainly ask that because I having no dating history.
You're still young so that's definitely not a bad thing. I usually have problems when guys can go through break up and then immediately jump into another relationship. Those are the ones that throw red flags for me.
Yeah I feel like I MUST have sex or a relationship before I graduate high school (next May)
It's not a MUST but you have a whole year to make things happen.
I don't think that anything will happen so what's the point?
If you keep thinking that way it won't. But you always can't just sit back and hope she comes to you either. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there. And be able to accept rejections. They are going to happen but don't let that end your world. Just get back out there and try again.
Some things should be best kept to themselves. I've had girls tell me they've had abortions in the past and some go through gruesome details about their past sexual encounters or go through their whole sexual resume on the first date. They volunteered this. I didn't ask. Personally when it comes to girls sexual history, all I care about is that they're clean, don't have kids, and don't cheat. If you've ever seen clerks, you know the number of partners talk usually doesn't end well.
Sometimes you find out too late. Some people have a tendency to put on a front till you find out their true colors.
@bloodmountain1990 What i meant was at leas try.
I don't know how you'd find out that early on. No player is going to admit that.
that's true, but if they are a bit quiet, then you can ask a best friend or something
What if you don't know their friends and met the person online?
I'm curious about your curiosity 😛