How do guys feel about being the "Boyfriend #2"?

Let's say Ashley is in a relationship with Chris. Ashley meets Timothy, who asks her out on a date. She tells him that she has a boyfriend- but agrees to go out with him. The question isn't about Ashley or Chris - it's about Timothy.

1. Why would a guy want to go out with a girl knowing she's in a relationship?

2. When a guy like Timothy comes along, does he have any respect for Ashley?

3.When Timothy talks about dating Ashley with his friends, is she a) just a girl he's seeing or b) a two-timing slut?

Does it matter if Ashley and Chris are in a relationship but BOTH date other people (this works for some people)?

I was at a bar w/friends, overheard a guy talking about a girl he had recently started seeing. Basically he said that she was really cool, good in bed but they joked about her being a "whore" because she slept with the guy even though she has a boyfriend.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I guess I didn't really answer your first question about WHY a guy would want to go out with a girl who is in a relationship, so I thought I'd come back and answer that.

    There's a number of reasons, really.

    1. He sees it as an opportunity for no-strings sex. If you're not interested in NSA sex, then it may take a bit of 'weeding out' to find someone who is interested in the same thing you are.

    2. He's interested in being friends-with-benefits with you. Maybe he isn't interested in a monogamous or otherwise serious relationship, or just hasn't found someone he's interested in that kind of relationship with yet. A friend-with-benefits can be appealing if you feel that way because you enjoy your friendship with that person, but you also have the benefit of having regular or semi-regular sex with someone who you like, trust, and feel comfortable with.

    3. He's polyamorous or otherwise open to alternative kinds of relationships. In this case, he might simply not mind that you're in a relationship with someone else, and be open to dating, having sex with, or even being in a romantic relationship with you (if your relationship allows for this).

    • My view isn't skewed, maybe I'm not hitting all the points. I'm asking these questions from two scenarios, 1 being Ashley and Chris have a somewhat open relationship and 2 being Chris knows nothing about Ashley dating other guys. I re-read my original post and realized I didn't add that. That's why I asked the male responded if the "she slept with me easy so she must be easy with all guys" logic applied here. Meaning, would Timothy think Ashley is just a cheating slut, still being FWB w/her tho?

    • Well, if Chris didn't know, then I would guess that Timothy would either think a) she is a cheating slut, or b) she must be unhappy in her relationship but not willing, ready, or able to leave.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • hahahahah a guy thinks bingo! a girl I don't have to worry about being in a relationship with.. Let the sex begin! woooohooo giggity giggity. Maybe this girl is wild enough to bring another women into the bedroom as well. This has "BIG Love" the HBO series written all over it

    • But in "Timothy's" mind - is she considered a slut? I'm pretty sure she isn't considered 'girlfriend-material', but is it bad that she's willing to date outside her relationship? Some guys think if a girl sleeps with him early on then she must be like that with all guys - does that same logic apply here, like she must be dating plenty of other guys too?

  • "Ashley aka- you" is a f***ing whore. If you have a boyfriend, you don't agree to date another guy. You are in the 25-29 age group, that's something you do at 15. Don't blame the guy, blame yourself.

    • Wrong, try again - I don't even have a boyfriend. You're pretty e-tough aren't you little guy lol!

    • Show All
    • Pretty defensive for someone sticking up for "a friend". This is the internet. You asked on this site because you have everything to lose if you ask someone you know.

    • Maybe you should actually read the post. I'm not sticking up for a friend - where the hell did you get that from? I overheard the conversation from some guys sitting next to me and I had never heard that 'side' of the whole FWB thing. And I don't have any friends who do that so can't ask them. You keep commenting on my question so who appears defensive (ANONYMOUS USER on an anonymous site lol). But thanks for answering, now I can sleep having received your response lol. Have a good day anonymous

  • What about Lisa, Larry and Lenny? What about them? They're just.. left out?


What Girls Said 3

  • The only guy who would try to date a girl with a boyfriend is 1) a guy who just wants to have sex with you or 2) a guy you have told that you are having big problems with your boyfriend and he's been your friend for a long time and hopes you will breakup with him so he can ask you out.

    So, in situation #1, yes, the guy thinks you are perfect as a no-strings sexual encounter. He won't be dating you, though. He might buy you a drink or two but then it's off to his place for sex. He will never want anything more from you than that either. In situation #2, well that guy isn't dating you either. He's too timid. He's just waiting for an opportunity that he thinks will deliver you to him but you probably don't even think of him as anything but friend material.

    As far as being in an open relationship, again, the new guy will see you as FWB material, but not girlfriend material.

    • Do guys really care though? I mean, if Ashley and Timothy get the FWB thing going on, and they're both cool with it being JUST that, does he think LESS of her - compared to just dating a single girl?

    • You seem to have a pretty skewed view of what it means to be a "friend with benefits". Yes, there's sex involved, but for some people, the friendship part is very important too. In the FWB relationships I've had, we don't just have sex--we talk, hang out, go see movies or go out for dinner, go to the mall, play video games--all the things you might do with a close friend, but we have sex as well. I definitely don't see that as a negative thing.

    • Hey FWB can hang out and how far would a guy get with a girl if he treated her poorly? But many FWB do not treat each other as friends. They call at the last minute, really don't want to hang out outside of hooking up, don't pre-plan dates or anything like that. And I stand by my statement, that the new guy will not see you as girlfriend material. There will be a limit to where he would take this.

  • I am in an open relationship and a lot of guys are still interested in dating me. I can't say for sure what they say about me behind my back (I assume nothing negative because I'm pretty picky about who I date and tend to choose very mature individuals), but they are all very respectful to me and generally we become good friends-with-benefits.

  • Do you live in NY?