Can some girls help me out with some relationship problems?

I really like my girlfriend. We just started going out, but we've hit a rough patch >_< We've known each other for 6 years now, but only saw each other on and off these last 4 years through high school. So I asked her out now that its summer. We sat down and talked tonight though, and she basically laid out this list of things she wasn't comfortable with in our relationship.

1) She's not sure if I like the old her or the current her

2) She's not sure she only likes me because I like her

3) She's not sure if she only likes me because she liked me 4ish years ago (which I was oblivious to... I'm not very good at this whole flirting dating thing...)

4) She doesn't know if we really know each other

5) She didn't like being paraded around as my girlfriend for the first week of our relationship

6) She says she has trust issues and "liking people" issues

I really want to make this work, but I'm terrible at dating. If she hadn't been straight with me tonight, I might not have figured it out for quite a while longer.

But what should I even do about this? For #1, I don't know how I'm supposed to convince her that I like her just the way she is right now. And with #2 and 3, what am I even supposed to work with there? She's actually the fourth girl to confess that she had liked me in the past but I had been oblivious to it because I am socially inept. And with #4, I asked her what we could do, and she said hang out more, which is fine, but I don't want to go off as clingy. And it could be a test. I don't even know anymore.

And then with #5, I don't know what I can do to change anything. I changed my relationship status on Facebook, and a ton of my friends keep begging for details and spreading the word and generally parading her on their own. Heck I've been trying to keep it on the DL as much as possible, since I don't even like being the center of attention that much. It actually didn't help that I'm known as the guy that almost but never quite gets the girl, so me getting a girlfriend was huge news...

And then #6... I have no idea how I can tackle that. What am I supposed to do there?

So I need some girl help. I want this to work, but when we were talking, I didn't know what to say to reassure her or to really explain myself or convince her or whatever. And every time I tried, I didn't really think I was helping myself. What should I even do to fix that list? Any help or shedding of light on the matter would be greatly appreciated. We're trying to work it out, but I don't think I can do this without as much help as I can get.


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What Girls Said 1

  • There is not a lot you can change except communicate with her more and ask her what she expects from you now to convince her. Other than that, the other problems are within herself and the trust issues, which you alone cannot fix but you can help her with. She needs to fix these within herself gradually.

    In your relationship, after she has told you what would convince her of your devotion, work on it with consistency until she trusts you. If you state you will do something that she wants, keep doing it until her trust builds up again. If she does not accept that, then it is mainly her problem and hers alone, that she has to fix to make the relationship work out.

    The problems will take time to fix and this rough patch may last until they get resolved, but it is the only way if you still want to stay in the relationship and think it is worth it and will last in the long run. If not I think you should both consider distancing as a relationship cannot work without trust. Both people will be unhappy all the time and she might need a break to fix that within herself and also to give you a break from the emotional rough rides.

    • Thanks for the advice... I don't want to just give up without even trying to get through this, so I'll definitely try to use this.

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