What does he want?

i am 47, was going out with a 22 year old guy for a year, we never argued and had great fun together, he had anxiety so we never really went out much. About 3 months ago he said he wanted to find someone his own age so he could have a family etc. and he left me. Since then we have texted and emailed every day, he often says he loves me and has been to see me 4 or 5 times. He has a young girlfriend now, yet he still says he loves me and couldn't imagine life without me, he came to visit yesterday and said he felt as though we hadnt split up when he's with me. Common sense tells me its over and he won't come back to me and if I met someone else I would move on more quickly, but what on earth is he really wanting because I can't make him out anymore


Most Helpful Guy

  • As I read this, I get the impression that you two had a conversation about creating a family. And I'm going to assume that one of you was against it.

    Now, don't tell me anything you don't want to share I'm just getting to his motivation.

    The other thought is that he decided that you wouldn't be interested in starting a family, so he took it upon himself to do something about it.

    Or, the other idea being that he met this girl somewhere, probably at work, or at a regular destination, say a gas station he frequents on the way home. Sounds funny I know, but I know of this happening.

    So she thinks highly of him, as he seems more mature than most of the guys she's met, and they both "click", so she springs on him that she wants to start a family, and he thinks "Oh yea, that'd be great!"

    Either way you cut it, you have a guy who wasn't interested in the relationship, so much as the other things that came with it. I don't mean sex, I mean like being a dad, having kids to parade in front of his family, the whole "standing" that comes with it.

    While his intentions seem honorable, I'd say he has a misconception of relationships and what it takes to build a successful one, where kids can be created and be successful as well.

    His hanging around and such is guilt. He wants to hang on, because he realizes now that his relationship with you was more true even though he put in the same effort as he does with his current girl. In other words, he realizes he has a gem, and he blew it.

    For your sake, move on, he's conflicted and unsure of what he wants or what he expects from life. I'm even willing to say he's more worried about what others expect of him rather than what he expects of himself.

    Just blow him off like he did you, calmly and carefree.

    Good luck!

    • Thanks for that, I actually said I'd have a family with him, but he said no, I'd be too old when the kid went to high school!

    • Yea, he's just some dude who wasted your time. I mean, maybe he had a change in goals too, but even with the best of intentions he wasted your time. Forget him.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Unless you want to remain in this mixed up situation he created, you have to force him to make a choice. If nothing else, it will get him to evaluate things. Maybe you'll get some explanation that would make more sense out of it, although I can't imagine what it would be.

  • This guy is still young and has a whole life ahead of him, its best if you stop seeing him and even texting him. I got together with an older woman and thought that I was ready to settle down but after 2 years I felt a lot of pressure on top of me and I couldnt figure out why, finally I told this girl that we needed to break up. 1 month later all that pressure was gone, but that doesn't mean that I forgot about her I still think of her. I think this guy you talk about is going threw the same thing.


What Girls Said 1

  • i would think that at 47 you would know better, of course he was gonna leave you and want a family of his own and you obviously can't give that to him , I don't think its right that he still contacts you because you obviously have feelings for him , but I mean this is 25 years difference don't you feel like you can be his Mother and if you really cared you would know he should be with someone his age ?