My mother psychologically abused me when I was young for the first 13 years of my life. She still does when we come in contact, I just don't live with her anymore. Somehow, my stepmother and I got on the topic of abusive boyfriends. She has had experiences with guys who psychologically and sexually abused her, and she expressed how she was afraid of that happening to me in college since I'm insecure and vulnerable due to my past.
She explains how there are guys out there who target insecure girls and build their self esteem only to destroy it and control her. She also shared how she didn't want to have sex with her boyfriend who manipulated her and forced himself on her. He raped her and made her feel guilty for not wanting to have sex with him asking things like "I'm your boyfriend. Why don't you want to do this with me?" or "Am I disgusting? Do you not love me?"
I've never had a boyfriend, but I'm hesitant to be in a relationship now. She has a point. My mother broke me, and I'm left vulnerable to more abuse later in life.
How can I avoid this?
Are there red flags?
Have you been in an abusive relationship?
Most Helpful Guy
When I was in my late teens I treat my girlfriends like shit because they weren't virgins and I wanted to date a virgin. They eventually couldn't take the verbal shit coming out of my mouth.
I feel bad about it now.
If a guy starts pushing sex too early or starts critisizing your every move, get the fuck out.0
Most Helpful Girl
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for about 3 years. I got out of it about 4 years ago.
It started off great, he was sweet and treated me well. Soon he started manipulating me and being more demanding of me and my time. He would get upset if I talked to friends or hung out with friends or family. If I've got time to do that then I should be talking to or spending time with him. He would get upset with me for not spending every moment I wasn't with him on my phone talking to him. He became very pushy and demanding sexually. I remember there was one time I was a little tipsy and I had said something that he didn't like. I think it was something about me paying the bill. It pissed him off and he felt emasculated I guess and when he dropped me off he was livid I didn't make it up to him by giving him oral in the car on the way home. He started getting upset when I wore makeup which I did everyday, he felt I was trying to cheat on him or that I was already. He'd tell me constantly that no one would ever love me the way he did. How no one would put up with my shit. My shit being having family and friends. By the end of the relationship I had no friends. By that time I had stopped talking to any of them for at least a year and at that point my relationship with family members was next to nil. He started stalking me and through all this there were threats. Finally he threatened my family and I knew then I had no choice. It was one thing for him to hurt me and threaten me I had gotten myself into the mess but when he brought my family members in on it I knew that wasn't right. By this point he had me alienated from damn near everyone. I went home with my tail between my legs and had to talk to my mom. Lol. How sad. But right after that I went to the police station and my brother took me to get a firearm. It was that scary.
As for you, this wasn't a romantic relationship. It was your mom. That's a pretty necessary relationship for a girl. I really think you should seek professional help. Not that your crazy but as I said it's an important relationship you missed out on. That's one of the people that's supposed to protect you from that crap in the world not bury you under it.4