Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

My mother psychologically abused me when I was young for the first 13 years of my life. She still does when we come in contact, I just don't live with her anymore. Somehow, my stepmother and I got on the topic of abusive boyfriends. She has had experiences with guys who psychologically and sexually abused her, and she expressed how she was afraid of that happening to me in college since I'm insecure and vulnerable due to my past.

She explains how there are guys out there who target insecure girls and build their self esteem only to destroy it and control her. She also shared how she didn't want to have sex with her boyfriend who manipulated her and forced himself on her. He raped her and made her feel guilty for not wanting to have sex with him asking things like "I'm your boyfriend. Why don't you want to do this with me?" or "Am I disgusting? Do you not love me?"

I've never had a boyfriend, but I'm hesitant to be in a relationship now. She has a point. My mother broke me, and I'm left vulnerable to more abuse later in life.

How can I avoid this?

Are there red flags?

Have you been in an abusive relationship?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • When I was in my late teens I treat my girlfriends like shit because they weren't virgins and I wanted to date a virgin. They eventually couldn't take the verbal shit coming out of my mouth.
    I feel bad about it now.
    If a guy starts pushing sex too early or starts critisizing your every move, get the fuck out.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for about 3 years. I got out of it about 4 years ago.
    It started off great, he was sweet and treated me well. Soon he started manipulating me and being more demanding of me and my time. He would get upset if I talked to friends or hung out with friends or family. If I've got time to do that then I should be talking to or spending time with him. He would get upset with me for not spending every moment I wasn't with him on my phone talking to him. He became very pushy and demanding sexually. I remember there was one time I was a little tipsy and I had said something that he didn't like. I think it was something about me paying the bill. It pissed him off and he felt emasculated I guess and when he dropped me off he was livid I didn't make it up to him by giving him oral in the car on the way home. He started getting upset when I wore makeup which I did everyday, he felt I was trying to cheat on him or that I was already. He'd tell me constantly that no one would ever love me the way he did. How no one would put up with my shit. My shit being having family and friends. By the end of the relationship I had no friends. By that time I had stopped talking to any of them for at least a year and at that point my relationship with family members was next to nil. He started stalking me and through all this there were threats. Finally he threatened my family and I knew then I had no choice. It was one thing for him to hurt me and threaten me I had gotten myself into the mess but when he brought my family members in on it I knew that wasn't right. By this point he had me alienated from damn near everyone. I went home with my tail between my legs and had to talk to my mom. Lol. How sad. But right after that I went to the police station and my brother took me to get a firearm. It was that scary.

    As for you, this wasn't a romantic relationship. It was your mom. That's a pretty necessary relationship for a girl. I really think you should seek professional help. Not that your crazy but as I said it's an important relationship you missed out on. That's one of the people that's supposed to protect you from that crap in the world not bury you under it.

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    • That sounds so terrifying. I'm glad you aren't in that relationship anymore.

      I did see a therapist for 3 years, but she only made things worse. She tried to reunite me with my abuser and was a hardcore Christian who didn't have a backbone. My mom isn't religious, has zero morals or shame, and is very manipulative and intimidating. My mom trampled all over my therapist and my therapist let her have her way. She never focused on healing me. I try to talk about my dad and stepmom, but it's a daily struggle with my mom, my depression, anxiety, and PTSD. My mom doesn't believe that I don't want to visit her or be a part of her life anymore and thinks my dad and stepmom are feeding me lies. I've tried to tell her how I feel, but I'm too submissive and scared. It didn't go well. I don't know what to do...

    • Well I'm not going to pretend I've got the answers and know what I'm talking about but if it were me in your situation first off I'd find a different therapist. This one sounded about as useful as tits on a bull. Becuase at this point it's not about fixing your relationship with your mom. At this point it's trying to help you cope with what you've gone through and build yourself up. Give you the tools to be able to not be so submissive and tell people how you feel in a healthy productive way. Perhaps down the road you can try to repair your relationship with your mom if that's what YOU choose to do.

    • it was unclear to me, does talking to your step mom and dad help you? Or are you unable to talk to them as well?

What Guys Said 2

  • I am not going to say a I was in a abusive relationship but I will say that my mom to this day ( since I got divorced in 03 & moved back in with her) has emotionally, physically and mentally abused me and I wish ishe would stop and leave me the hell alone coz I know to keep my mouth shut or I will say something that I won't be able to take back and my girlfriend tells me leave an never come back bc it will never end till the day she dies!

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  • I try to not to be in one. They're terrible.

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What Girls Said 18

  • Though I don't remember much of him my biological dad was physically, verbally and emotionally abusive towards my mum. But I was lucky to have him out of my life at a young age.
    I have somewhat been a target of abuse as my first boyfriend derailed in how he treated me and had his times in always putting himself on me aggressively due to anger from things he was personally dealing with but avoided telling me... it made me distance away from him to the extent of a bad breakup.

    I'm sorry of your past as no one is deserving of any sort of abuse from any person. But that dosen't mean you should live in a shadow of fear either. I came to experience love after that first bad boyfriend, with my second ex who was an awesomely respectful guy and now I'm getting to know a potential boyfriend at a good pace. My golden rule in spotting a red flag is noticing if a person restricts my independence and is always overpowering me with THEIR views/wants upon me/from me. If they are, I break things off.

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  • I was in an emotional and verbal abusive relationship. Dude threatened my life. Usually there are red flags. They vary depending on the relationship.

    For me, I've noticed really nice guys are the ones who are abusive, manipulative or overly jealous.

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  • I just got out of a TERRIBLE abusive relationship. I don't like talking about it but the guy hit me at least two times a week. I had bruises all over me that I couldn't go to the beach for quite sometimes earlier this summer. I left US and came back to my hometown hoping he would leave me alone but he came all the way here, stayed for a couple of days at my dad's house and as a goodbye, he woke up one morning and poured boiling water on my leg.

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    • Oh my God, that's awful. 😱😥 Is your leg alright?

      Glad you left him.

  • I've been mentally abused by my ex, about a year ago. Luckily I got out before it became physical. I have also been molested by outside family members.

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  • Yes, many. Friends and family included. Only one romantic partner though and I left and never looked back the day if happened.

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    • Have you escaped your other abusive relationships? If not, how do you manage them? Have you distanced yourself?

  • My first boyfriend hit me a few times but I broke up with him

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    • Your first boyfriend? I can't imagine what I'd do my first experience with a guy was abusive. That's horrible. Good thing you had the strength to end it.

    • Well we weren't all that serious (13) so it's not like we were all that attached but i cried a lot after :p

    • But still, that's not right. Good thing it's a thing of the past.

  • Never have been abused. My ex friends were bad to me, but not too bad. Family loves me and so does my boyfriend. I understand nice guys you start dating could change and become abusive. I hope that never happens with my boyfriend. I wouldn't wanna break up for anything

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  • yes, I was emotionally abused for two years when I was in middle school by a guy I liked and he would sometimes physically hurt me. He would also sometimes try to use me for sex and stuff. and everytime I would try to get out of the bullying things would always end up getting worse.

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    • Middle school? You're only 13! 😥 Are you still with him?

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    • No prob! And that's fine, you'll find a good guy. I'm sure of it. 😁

    • thanks for the help!

  • I have

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  • I never been in a abusive relationship before but I have had a series of abusive friendships in the past...

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  • my ex boyfriend hit me

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  • No thank the lord.

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  • No. What loser would stay in a relationship like that

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    • I completely understand. But, some people aren't as strong-willed as you, and are being manipulated by their partner. Most don't even realize the mind games their partner is playing. You are fortunate to not have endured an abusive relationship.

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    • @PrettyKitty31 Whoops, again! 😳😂😂 don't mind me. It's 2 AM where I live. I need to sleep.

    • Lol no worries I get it. It's 2 for me too.

  • I recently got out of one that lasted 7 years.

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  • This can be a very tight situation it can also make you feel , lonely like know one loves you but you can pray about it because the right guy will come along you dont have to rush into anything because that person will understand what you've been though and will do everything possible to make you not feel like your past is going to repeat itself , stay strong and remember God loves you and he will always be watching over you

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  • nope,

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  • Make peace with the past. Stop referring to yourself as an easy target or vulnerable. You now know your strength better than anyone. Take it as a lesson now you know how much disrespect and toxic behaviors you can handle from someone else and mark the line right there right now. Don't allow anyone to treat you that way ever again, to cross that line ever again. Being an easy target starts inside of your own head you make you decide what type of person you want to be and if you want to be strong, which I know you're, you have to put shit to the side and allow yourself to be strong.

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  • If you don't feel good with being in a relationship, then don't.
    To answer your question, no I was never in an abusive relationship, but I've been in lots of fights (some unfair) and watched my friend being in one (and I couldn't do anything).
    It was horrible for her, and she nearly lost her true self, so I learned to defend myself (and fighting sports too) to help her. And when she had enough courage to say no, my friends and me helped her.
    She's now happy with her new boyfriend.
    Just do what you think, rebuilding yourself takes time girl, and you still have time.

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