What do I do about this girl??

So there is this girl I am good friends with. She recently got out of a very serious relationship. She and I trust each other, and we have told each other things that we wouldn't tell anyone else of the opposite sex (as in, she tells me things that she doesn't tell other guys). We are on that level.

When she was in the relationship some months ago she did tell be how happy I would make a girl. She tells me that often actually. I think she and I would go good together, but I feel wrong pursuing her because I do know that she needs time to heal.

Here's the problem: There are about 4 other guys that are after her, whom she has said that she can see herself dating, but she's still feeling them out (not literally!). I have made it clear to her that I am not after her, because that is technically true, but now I'm getting a sense of urgency because the other guys are after her!

What should I do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Is actually sounds a lot like me and my boyfriend. I was friends with this guy, but I had always secretly had a crush on him, so I suppose that's why I was friends with him in the first place. I ended my relationship with my boyfriend of five years because after spending so much time with my guy friend, I realized that he would treat me better than my ex did. Then I realized that my ex didn't treat me as well as I thought. My guy friend and I just sort of mutally decided that we really liked each other and started dating. My point is that she may be telling you that she's about to consider one of the other guys because she wants some sort of sign that you like her as more than a friend. The truth is that it would be a weird decision for her to spend all this time with her best guy friend and tell him everything then go out with a guy that she barely knows. I say if it feels right to you, definitely pursue her if the thought of her dating someone that's not you is too much to bear. She may be ready to date again because she's already "feeling out" other guys, but if you end up succeeding, go slow with her because she may need time and not realize it.


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What Girls Said 2

  • I've been in a similar situation a couple of times before, actually.

    The first time it happened, my closest friend (male) confessed that he liked me and thought things could've worked out nicely between us, but I said it would ruin our good friendship, particularly if we were to break up. (We were so close anyway that we may as well have been going out - People always assumed we were!) I later realized how stupid this was, as I became jealous of his new girlfriend and how he'd constantly ditch me for her. When I saw how happy she made him, it killed me, and I asked myself, "Do I have those kind of feelings for him?". I was sure I did, but also aware that I'd had my chance and lost it. When they broke up, we rekindled our friendship and became even closer than before. Then he met a girl at a party. She really liked him and he thought they really clicked, but she despised me - He never saw this though. If I ever told him that she'd been saying nasty things to me about my friendship with him, he'd never believe me and say I was just trying to ruin it for him. It turned out she wasn't the girl he thought she was, when she got off with his best friend at a party. He felt like an idiot and we became friends again, though it has never been the same since. He was always there for me though.

    The second time, it was September, and a boyfriend had just broken up with me to go to university. It was a short relationship (only a couple of months during the summer). I was idiot enough not to realize that, while I was looking for a decent relationship, all he wanted was a fling before uni. Another close friend, however, saw this and comforted me around the time. It infuriated him that I'd been used and he became extremely protective of me. Our friendship got closer and closer. In December, a rumour about the two of us spread around school. I rather liked him at the time, but I thought he didn't feel the same way (when actually he did and had done for quite a while!) I denied that anything was happening or would ever happen between the two of us. I think it may have upset him, and he half gave up on me. We became better friends again over the Christmas holidays. We'd constantly be talking and texting each other. Another boy (scumbag) had been trying to do the whole "rebound guy" thing with me and, by the Christmas holidays, had become very foreward about it. I mentioned it to my friend and he became protective again. Things got even closer as we began to hint more towards the fact that we actually did like each other. In February, we went out on a date and kissed each other for the very first time. A week later, we were blissfully happy in a relationship. He went from being my close friend and shoulder to cry on, to my wonderful boyfriend - and I'm so glad of it! We've been together ever since (apart from one minor hiccup, but that's normal I guess!)

  • Be clear, tell her how you feel, this is going to be hard but you need to do it!

    If you write her a letter then you can make sure you've not left anything out and have expressed yourself clearly. The drawback is that she may feel violated, crazy, but a male friend hitting on you can make you feel incredibly vulnerable! She may feel that a level of trust was gained under a false pre-text , so you need to be very clear.

    Allot of women can have male friends and never fancy them, you need to be prepared for this eventuality.

    Don't think that this won't effect your dynamic, in some way it will change, but you know her well (?) so presumably only you will know how she will react?!

    If you don't do this, I think you know you'll regret it!


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