What does it mean when a girl never instant messages you first?

I really like this girl I would literally give up all mi friends just to sit next to her at lunch and keep her company because she always sits by herself away from others and I'm afraid that she's lonely but she is really shy and quiet never talks to people except me we will talk a little during lunch and she will tell me about personal info and about her past relationship with her boyfriend but she recently broke up with him because she told me that she called him over and over and he didn't return her call..whenever I flirt with her she would laugh and blush however at times she would softly kick me under the table repeatedly then smile and I would do the samething back to her she lets me pull her hair and tickle her cause when I do this it makes her laugh...whenever I make a joke on somebody like when I call them names this girl always has a smart comeback to say to me just to defend the other person then she laughs like if its funny...whenever this girl sees me in the hall she will walk fast and we both would smile at each other and at times I always catch her in school from far away glancing over at me...everyday I see her I give her a hug but there's was this only one time that she ever walked up to me and gave me a full body hug and she actually laid her head on my chest while hugging me and it lasted for 3sec...however I asked her for her aim then she gave it to me but every time she comes online I always have to be the 1st one to text her, she replies very quickly and then we will start a long conversation that never ends but she never hits me up 1st on aim...she even searched for me on facebook then added me as a friend...she cannot be that shy to hit me up on aim 1st if she knows how to talk to me in person...I asked her out both in person and on aim but she says I really want to go with you but at the same time I don't wanna go with you so I told her to think about it but she never made up her mind...please help me cause I'm confused should I move on and stop talking to her cause I don't understand


Most Helpful Guy

  • When I was in high school, all I wanted was sex.

    And you know, it wasn't even for the sake of sex. I never actually liked sex. It was more to feel that people wanted me; sexually. That's all I wanted.

    And do you know how I would be like with the girls? Like they practically didn't exist. I was on auto-pilot around them, interacting with them just barely enough so they didn't think I was ignoring them; and then, when I would feel like they were getting to the point where they were emotionally looking for something more (or else they'd start to pull away); I'd zone back in, do or say something sweet or make them feel like I really care about them; and then zone back out again. It was all about keeping them hooked, keeping them around. I wanted them around, not just one, but a group. I liked the attention, I liked the way it made me feel.

    Girls aren't too different. Only instead of sexual attention, it's emotional & financial attention. Instead of how fast they can have sex with you, to girls, it's how fast you can start spending money on them, or doing things for them, or listening to them. And then, how much are you spending, how long are you listening to them, what are you doing for them, how much are you willing to do for them, what sacrifices would you make? All of that is the kind of attention & validation that girls are hungry & longing for. And so, you may just very well be the one "of" a million, rather than one "in" a million; she's getting that from.

    When she sees you're acting up or risk being a defective member of her fan-club; she'll casually give you some more individual attention until you settle down, and then, back to normal again.

    You get whatever you can tolerate. If your tolerance is high, then the respect you'll get will be low. If your tolerance is low, then the respect you'll get is average. If you have no tolerance, then you'll have respect.

    So if a girl texting you is important to you; and you're still interacting with this girl whose not texting you; what are you really communicating? That her messaging you isn't important to you.

    If you're not getting something that's important to you, the answer isn't to tolerate being disrespected, but to move on and find someone who will respect you.

    She can go settle for a guy that will show her the same level of respect & understanding she shows him. You deserve to give yourself to a girl who will show you the same level of respect and understanding that you're going to show her. And based on what you wrote; she doesn't sound like that type of girl.


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What Girls Said 2

  • give it sometime...shes still recovering from her boyfriend...and obviously she likes you!

  • It looks like she may like you, but she still may like her ex boyfriend to. Give her a couple of more days and make her feel great. And if she doesn't choose, just move on to the next one.


What Guys Said 0

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