Kiss or sex on first date?

OK I've always had the advice never have sex on the first date, sends the wrong signal, is this TRUE? I've found lately that I don't even want to kiss guys on the first or second date. Its not that they aren't attractive, its that they don't know how to hold their tongue on the first date. Women don't want to talk about sex on a first date, and most lead to that by making comments about my breast size and than I'm like wth are they only interested in what I look like without a shirt on. So what is the rule for guys, generally on the first or second date?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You have sex when you know the man or women is the right person for you.

    If people started treating others solely based off of past experiences, no one would ever get together.

    You shouldn't punish future men for what past men have done to you.

    And some women do want to talk about sex on the first date, but usually this depends on the way men go about it.

    If a woman is not ready to talk about sex, than the man should not talk about sex.

    Men should also not talk about a woman's breasts, they should typically save that for the bedroom.

    And let me make this clear so you understand. Looks are primarily what men are interested but its not the only thing.

    The most important thing is not the only thing.

    So just because a man is super interested in your boobs, don't think that its all he wants.

    Thats a common misconception.


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What Guys Said 2

  • There is no such rules for dating as dating is not by the book. If anything who wrote the book on dating anyway? Dating is subjective in every sense based upon the situation. Every situation is different.

    I'd never expect anything on a first date, just because first dates feel more like job interviews than anything else. SEX is out of the question for me because I'm looking for a relationship with a girl, having sex on the first date means she doesn't think that highly of herself.

    If we ended up clicking very well, I'd go in for a kiss...why not? However, if there was no kiss, it doesn't necessarily mean things didn't go smoothly. It's all about feeling comfortable with that specific person.

    No strong relationship begins on the basis of sex. A relationship based on sex is nothing more than a glorified friends with benefits situation.

    • I disagree. If I have sex wtih someone early on, or even on the first date, it has nothing to do with the way I feel about myself, and everything to do with the way I feel about sex. I don't think that sex has to be had within a relationship, nor with someone I'm in love with. I have sex because I enjoy sex and if I clicked very well with the person, why not? I have high self-esteem, I don't have sex to try to make someone like me, nor do I have sex indiscriminately (i.e. with anyone willing).

    • Secondly, I started having sex with my current boyfriend before we had ever been on a "date". We've been together for 4 years and have a very strong relationship.

      I'm not saying that all girls or all relationships are like me, but what you've said is definitely not universal.

  • Though I cannot speak for other men I will say in my view anyone who has sex on the first date, AND is looking for a serious relationship is making a mistake.

    I feel majority of people, men and women for that matter, will likely regard sleeping with someone on the first date as being only about sex as opposed to something more.


What Girls Said 1

  • I don't think there should be a rule. I think you should kiss, talk about sex, or have sex whenever the two people involved feel comfortable doing it. That said, my experience has told me otherwise.

    I've noticed that when I've had sex with guys "early on" in dating, they tend to go from interested in getting to know me, to only being interested in sex with me. I can't say for sure why this is. Maybe they don't see me as "girlfriend-material" because they see me as "easy" or lose respect for me (though I don't understand how you can lose respect for someone when you're both doing the same thing), or maybe they were simply only interested in sex to begin with but acted like they're interested in more so that I'll become interested in having sex with them (and once they get what they want, they don't have to pretend to be interested in getting to know me anymore). I'm sure I'm slightly jaded and I recognize that not all guys are like this, but sometimes it's hard to know how a person will judge you or what they're interested in from you. Because of this, I feel like I should "hold back" from sex for a longer time (in order to get to know a guy better or to not give him the wrong impression of me)--though logically, I still think it's stupid to have to "play games" to make guys happy and to be treated with respect.

    It's funny too because a lot of guys complain that girls are uptight about sex and make them work for it and complain if a girl "holds off". On the other hand, if a girl doesn't "hold off", they judge her harshly as being easy and not girlfriend material. It's sort of a lose-lose situation.

    So yeah, I don't know what the rule is. Try to judge the person's character as best as you can and do whatever you feel comfortable with.