Do you think a relationship should be fair?

Do you think relationships should be fair? Money wise, split the bills evenly and help one another? I have a friend who has been with a guy for over 6 years and she's always short in money because she makes significantly less then her SO. He makes about twice as much as she does. They have been living together for three years trying to get pregnant but he doesn't help her pay any bills. She has to do it all on half the salary. To me if you're trying to build a future with someone, wouldn't it be best to help one another? She's constantly unable to even get an oil change on her car and he won't even offer to help. He does help his family which his dad makes good money but she doesn't get any help from him. Do you think this is fair? What if they have a child and things don't change?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't like the word "fair." I do like each partner contributing according to their abilities. But it does't matter what is "fair." If your partner is not contributing according to their capacity and you are displeased, it really doesn't matter whether anyone thinks it is unfair.

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    • It's not me, personally I would've left him a long time ago but it's a close friend. Wanted to see maybe if I am seeing things right or wrong

    • I t doesn't sound like their union is much of a partnership and it would be awful if she got pregnant by him.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think its fair he needs to help out at least a little bit especially if he wants to have a kid with her

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    • Yeah that's what I told her but she doesn't understand

    • I had a friend like that too there's not much left you can do but let her figure it out on her own which sucks cause she may end up getting hurt

    • Yeah it's so sad I think she's depressed

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 22

  • Yes, they should share. That's just to be expected of a partner, especially if you're trying to have a baby. He's being a total dick. She shouldn't have a baby with him, she should have one with someone who cares. If they do have a child, God help them. She'll be getting support and he'll be doing his little horndog thing.

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    • Yeah that's what I worry too especially since she's super close to me

    • Well, she's making her own decisions, though. What GaGers like us say will probably make no difference at all. But do your best to get her some help. There's plenty out there. Regardless of age. Just do it. :)

  • You know, strangers on the outside looking in on my life may see the relationships I have been in as pretty strange. I am extremely sexually dominant in the bedroom - I like spanking, hair pulling, calling my girlfriends sluts and whores during sex, stimulating their clits until they're almost to orgasm then stopping and making them beg me to continue, etc. However, whenever I love a girl enough to move her into my place (I own my own home, so they always move in with me), I immediately give them my entire paycheck as soon as I get it and she pays all the bills, writes all the checks, mails out all the envelopes, etc. and always has 100% control of all the money at any given time. I also let her have the final say on most decisions regarding how the house is decorated, and the running of the household in general. So I suppose you could say that I'm the boss in the bedroom, and she's the boss outside the bedroom.

    Fighting about money is just so stupid, and if often springs directly from the partner that has the most money being selfish and stingy and not wanting to truly act as a team. If I'm in a relationship I would just rather she keep all of our money in her purse or wherever and I'll ask for some if I need to go down the road to a convenience store or wherever. I do keep like 100$ in my wallet at all times along with the only credit card I own, but that's it, I give her the rest of my money and trust her judgement. If I love and trust her enough to allow her to move in with me, I should trust her enough with my money and trust her enough to handle the finances. Women handle money better than men do, anyway.

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  • He should be paying the bills if he's making more money, however if they are not married thats hard to negotiate especially if the house their in is the woman's. I think a couple should pay their weight, by that I mean if he makes most the money, he pays a good part of the bills and she pays a good part too. He pays most of them however.

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    • He only pays his half of the rent, she pays the bills too, plus they are planning on having children

    • Are they married? I don't know why he isn't paying more. Thats his call and not something I would do myself, but thats how it is.

  • You should split bills and then when you get married you should get a joint bank account and all the money should be both of yours

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  • if you're planning your life together ( married or not ) then you're a team. Meaning it's both your money and house and bills. But you also have to answer to each other about the expenses. That would be fair and this guy sounds biased towards helping his family over his woman. He probably looks down at her for some reason and is an asshole about it

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    • Yeah I think so too she put her education on the back burner and helped him get to school he's almost done with his education but she still has a ways to go

    • So she invested in him and he's not reciprocating. Clearly she should move on instead of being with someone so selfish.

  • So two things:
    1) you're confusing fairness and equity (or equality, I'm not sure what is the right word). Equity is super unfair. For this paticular case equity means that they both put the same amount of money and that's it; and fairness means that they both put the money as needed, *without taking advantage of the other person*.
    2) It's true that in a relationship you should help each other and if one of them is struggling and the other isn't, they can take a little more of the burden; but that doesn't mean that they have to do it all the time or that one should depend on the other

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  • It definitely doesn't sound like it's an equal relationship. Which to me is what it's all about. Money is only money. The both of you and your kids needs is what's most important. Not 'who is paying for what '. Sometimes, I'll admit, sometimes it's really hard when you work really hard to provide for your family and find there's no getting forward and no help from your partner. That's definitely a deal breaker in the end for most...

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  • I think if you're splitting hairs that you'll never have a happy relationship. Any happy relationship I've been in my only concern over money was if I had enough and not whether or not she matched me dollar for dollar. That's not where your head goes.

    For sure still be mindful of getting equal respect and receiving investment from them in return. But not being so petty you need them to match you exactly on everything.

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  • Doesn't need to be 50-50 - but in this case, he's sponging off her, and she can't afford it - that's terrible, she should dump him and find someone willing to contribute. Raising a child with him would be a nightmare!

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  • If a relationship is serious enough that you're trying to have a child, your partners financial situation has to be considered. If they are struggling and you are more than capable of helping, you should. From the sounds of it, she should have dumped him a long time ago.

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  • Sounds like he cheating or lost interest in his home Cuz its like this a real man is very rare it's like a treasure that you have to go to the Bottom of the Sea to retrieve a man supposed to take care of his home he's supposed to provide that house over that woman's head and protect her from this evil world. I was in a relationship recently and it was unbalanced because I would do all that I can and all she would do was complain about the stupidest things I was understanding I was compassionate and romantic more than some men out here and I begin to put one or two together thinking if I'm doing all of these things just like your friend is doing all that she can this individual has got to be cheating or has lost interest this is my opinion doesn't mean that is true who knows good luck

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  • I think relationships should be fair. All bills split, etc. But not by 50-50, but by actual income. Contributing to the mutual expenses makes you more involved in the relationship, which is a must.

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  • Should be half half. Take both her earnings and his add them up and pool them together.

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  • 100% YES it should be fair. I'm not saying be petty. You know title for tat. You ate one pop tart so you owe me one pop tart. I'm just saying you have to establish what is fair. Basically talk it out and one learn what the other knows

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  • I don't think a relationship should be fair... which is one of the reasons I have been single for 6 years.

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  • yeah

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  • balanced* , yes I do believe it should be balanced

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  • So many factors to consider. Why are her bills higher than his?

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  • its going to be a lot worse

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  • Of course

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  • Who pays the bills for common uses like food, Electricity, water etc

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  • understanding between each other is more important. that guy should understand his problem. splitting equally is good. but it's not important that both will earn equally. contribute as much they can. maybe girl will earn more and boy earn less. the important thing understanding each other. each other situations. and if my babe will be preganant then caring for in every possible way is my responsibility...

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What Girls Said 4

  • I think both people should contribute something, but it's not important for it to be exactly even.

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    • I think so too but he doesn't even help her, he makes twice as much but only pays half the rent while she pays for the bills, the internet everything

    • Yeah, certainly it doesn't make sense for the person who makes more money to actually pay less.

  • When a couple live together it shouldn't be a case of " what's your is yours , and what's mine is mine"

    If he lost his job , or his salary was cut... I'm sure he'd change his outlook and want her to keep him. He'd expect her to pay for he needs and wants.

    I couldn't be with a guy who looked on our lives as living separately .. when we were under the same roof together

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  • i think contribute according to their salary.

    say if i was earning 3x more than my partner, i would definitely not expect equal contributions.

    definitely a give and take. i wouldn't be so calculative in a relationship. i dont think i can deal with such things in a relationship honestly.

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  • Ok so it's already known this is what he's like. So why stay? If i were her, i wouldn't try to get pregnant.

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