So basically, with no sugar coating, I am fat. Not the "extremely obese" kind of fat, but I am still considered too big for the standards in my country. *You can skip to the next paragraph if that's all you need. ( Yes I know the risks, I am improving my lifestyle, but I'll never fit the standards because I am mostly pear-shaped and I personally like my figure, I have a smaller waist (S or M in clothes) and bigger hips and thighs.) i've started to become more confident, but I still have some big issues.
*I am 20yo and (embarrassingly enough) I haven't been in a relationship yet mostly because of various reasons that are not very relevant: been rejected a handful of times, didn't feel a connection with the people I went on dates with, got very busy with med school at one point, got 1 and a half years wasted with a guy friends who was emotionally abusive and I finally let go.
Point is, every time a date is mentioned, I get all anxious because I get the feeling "What if the guy can't tell from the pictures that I am fatter or maybe unattractive to him" "What if he doesn't like me" "What if it goes badly" and so on. so i tend to find reasons not do go on the date in order to avoid disappointment or rejection once again.
This guy asked me out when we get back to the city we study in (yes, I haven't got my hopes up yet, maybe he sees us as friends) and I think he is cute and funny and talkative and I keep thinking I am fat, I am ugly, I am shy, I am not that interesting and so on and that he's going to think the same once we go out.
my friends tell me I am way too self-conscious and that I have so much to offer and that I just lack confidence, but I don't know how to bring my self-esteem up when all I've faced until 20 was rejection.
And I'm not sure I can go through a "friendzone"(no such thing, but whatever) yet again.
How to stop being so self-conscious or thinking so negatively all the time?
Most Helpful Guy
their are lots of people with lots of different tastes. bigger is better to some people. i think if you feel like you'd regret not trying to see this guy that asked you out then you should try. if you won't regret anything than you might be better off not. self esteem is really difficult to improve when we live in a criticizing society, but whenever i feel down on myself i remember while i dont have this i always have that (i. e while i dont have clear skin i always have a cool beard) or like if you enjoy to do something like drawing or music then go do that instead of worrying about your figure. I feel like i have the opposite thing personally where im too skinny to be attractive. but i always remind myself that my size is good for me. for example: I'm skinny but i can fit into really slim places. your... bigger but you will be harder to kidnap. i hope that anything out of this helps you. and i wish you good luck!! ^_^1
Most Helpful Girl
If you are still from/living in Romania - then I know exactly what you are talking about because most of the women there are very thin. If a woman is 65kg she'll just stand out from everyone!
It's normal for all men and women to go through the pains of rejection and breakups in their teens and 20s for various reasons. Women who are thin are subjected to it too. It just has nothing to do with this - even though you might blame that as being the reason. All because of a few guys who decided you're not their type? Imagine if you were a blonde and a guy said, "Yeah well, I like ethnic-looking women... so if you just work on your hair colour and hit up a tanning bed, maybe you might attract a guy." No, you might fit *their* standards, but not everyone is like that.
Instead of making yourself crazy about it, make sure you are looking unbelievable in clothes that fit your size and that you are out doing something that takes your mind off guys for a while. Usually people are quite drawn to others who are most comfortable in their own skin.
Plenty of men would be happy to date you, they might even just be too scared to approach you for fearing of being hurt for their own reasons. You just never know. So instead of trying to find out what you can do to fix something that is naturally there, accept it and focus on the great things about you that no other woman can offer a guy.0