So basically, with no sugar coating, I am fat. Not the "extremely obese" kind of fat, but I am still considered too big for the standards in my country. *You can skip to the next paragraph if that's all you need. ( Yes I know the risks, I am improving my lifestyle, but I'll never fit the standards because I am mostly pear-shaped and I personally like my figure, I have a smaller waist (S or M in clothes) and bigger hips and thighs.) i've started to become more confident, but I still have some big issues.
*I am 20yo and (embarrassingly enough) I haven't been in a relationship yet mostly because of various reasons that are not very relevant: been rejected a handful of times, didn't feel a connection with the people I went on dates with, got very busy with med school at one point, got 1 and a half years wasted with a guy friends who was emotionally abusive and I finally let go.
Point is, every time a date is mentioned, I get all anxious because I get the feeling "What if the guy can't tell from the pictures that I am fatter or maybe unattractive to him" "What if he doesn't like me" "What if it goes badly" and so on. so i tend to find reasons not do go on the date in order to avoid disappointment or rejection once again.
This guy asked me out when we get back to the city we study in (yes, I haven't got my hopes up yet, maybe he sees us as friends) and I think he is cute and funny and talkative and I keep thinking I am fat, I am ugly, I am shy, I am not that interesting and so on and that he's going to think the same once we go out.
my friends tell me I am way too self-conscious and that I have so much to offer and that I just lack confidence, but I don't know how to bring my self-esteem up when all I've faced until 20 was rejection.
And I'm not sure I can go through a "friendzone"(no such thing, but whatever) yet again.
How to stop being so self-conscious or thinking so negatively all the time?
Most Helpful Guy
judging by your profile picture, your body looks pretty attractive to me. Your problem is, you think too much. So what if you get rejected? a lot of people get rejected. i can understand the feeling of rejection, but you have to learn to let go things, and move on. Learn to change your thinking2
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Most Helpful Girl
Let me tell you something, coming from a woman who used to box, and model until life happened that caused me to put on weight and fear walking out of the house thinking everyone was going to laugh at me. Work on yourself, amd get to a point where you can truly love yourself because no man, no friend and no family member can replace the love you're missing within yourself. You will only continue to live in fear even if you do find someone to accept you how you are because of how YOU look at yourself and feel about yourself not because of how a man looks or feels about you. My boyfriend is a fit man. I am shocked that he even went for me because of how handsome and built he is. I am always scared he will leave me for a hot girl or someone who stays in the gym like he does, but thats not his problem, its mine, and until I fix my issue I will only find one in my relationship. Take this time to focus on you and only you. Your happiness is worth more than any happiness coming from someone else because when they are gone, you're stuck with yourself and that happiness is leaving with them.1