How do you let a man down gently?

So I have been on an online dating site and have been talking back and fourth with 3 guys. They are all great and seem to each have great qualities about them all. So my question is I have met one of them and We really hot it off and have plans to do more things. I am happy with him, is it unfair of me not to give theses other 2 a chance? I have been talking to the other 2 the same amount of time and have even canceled a date with one to be with him. How do I make the texting everyday stop with out hurting someone? I am not the kind of person to ghost... and then I have reservations because of something happens with me and this guy I could be missing out on a really great guy... dating sucks


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Give the other guys a chance. I can almost guarantee if you met a different one first you'd probably feel the same way about the date with him and planning other things. Try to not play "favorites" As it is online dating and you've met once. You don't know a true persons colors upon one meeting.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't dismiss the other guys so readily. At this moment you aren't tied down. If it gets more serious w/the other guy, then do not lead the others on. I used to feel bad continuing to date other guys after a good 1st date w/one guy. After experiencing disappointment in dating though, I understood why doing this is not wrong. There were a couple guys who I went on 2 or 3 dates w/. I was super excited about them, but they didn't want what I wanted. Don't hang your hopes on one guy (yes hard to do, I know), explore your options until you become exclusive or promise not to see others. I did that w/my current boyfriend, we became exclusive after a couple weeks, but I was still talking to guys as I was 1st getting to know him.

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    • His is how I feel as well, I have put my eggs all in one basket before and they were crushed.. I don't want to put myself in that position again because it is painful and stressful. I just have a hard time hurting people, but the thing is it is dating and like you said until we are exclusive I feel it's ok to still weigh out my options

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    • Also when do you think it is an appropriate conversation to ask how many other women he is talking too? Or just leave that one be?

    • Leave it be for now and maybe ask when things get more serious. Its good that you were honest because leading people on is mean. You could ask where this is headed and if he wants a relationship w/you he will move mountains. If he starts making excuses then he isn't interested.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 16

  • ghosting is really rude. it's not even treating the other person like a human being.

    just be straight forward.

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  • "How do you let a man down gently?"

    You don't. Any time someone is turned down, in the back of their mind, there will always be the nagging question of "am I not good enough?", unless they are confident enough in themselves to where rejection is a non-issue. This goes for both boys and girls.

    Dating sucks, that's life.

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    • For sure it has happened to me and I know the feeling sucks and I don't want to hurt anyone

    • Hurt is an unavoidable part of dating people. People suck, they will let you down. They will make arrangements and then throw it all away at the last second because something better popped up. People like to say they love others, but they love themselves more.

      If I sound rather pessimistic and cynical, it's because I sort of am. That doesn't mean I can't be a nice guy, just that I am always somewhat suspicious of other's people's behavior and intentions. Everyone has an ulterior motive to some level, there are no pristine characters with a spotless reputation.

      At the end of the day, dating is a game. The only way to not lose is to not play.

  • Just tell the other dudes that you've started seeing someone, and that you only date one man at a time.

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  • Go on dates with all of them and then choose, unless you're really sure you met your "the one". If you really want to end it with the others, tell them you're getting serious with someone and continue with friendly conversation if they feel like it.

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  • I ask myself what I would want, and then do that. so in this case complete transparency would allow everyone involved to make a decision on whether to continue or not... it sounds like you like the guy you've met, but there still seems to be a hang-up or you wouldn't be asking this question.

    Stringing someone along is the worst thing possible. especially when they know something isn't in the open, but you won't admit it...

    Just tell everyone involved, be honest and remember it's your life and only you have to watch the movie at the end... The movie of your life ;)

    Hope this helps.

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  • Just be honest with them. They would most certainly prefer you be honest then lying because you don't want to look like the bad guy. But being honest is more respectful, which to most guys is preferable.

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  • Remove your profile.

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  • You dont, anything less will fester and never stops sucking.

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  • honesty is key

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  • Tell those 2 that you have been taken

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  • if it's just on your phone he has your number block him

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  • They will hate you forever

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  • dude this has been a blast, although I have met someone I want to Perdue, thanks for the laughs

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  • I'd rather someone tell me straight as I'd get all my emotions out on that week

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  • hey mami

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  • tell him how it is

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What Girls Said 6

  • be honest and up front. i think you would want someone to do the same for you. tell the guy that you have decided to pursue with someone else

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    • I know I just feel bad me and this other guy don't have a label and we are just going to do things and hanging out, then when I am with him I feel bad that I have been talking to others... but there is no label and he could possibly be talking to other girls

    • you are right he could be doing the same thing. just be honest and say hey I've decided to see where things go with someone else, would you mind if we take a break from talking or whatever. i mean i get you don't want to be rude. its hard to determine what to do. best wishes

    • Thank you 🤦‍♀️

  • You tell it to there face

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  • explain that you have chosen someone to explore a relationship with and you would like to see how that goes

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  • don't get greedy.. just pick one lol

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    • Oh I'm not I was in a horrible marriage for 15 years so I just don't want to settle and I pick up little things about people that make me question them

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    • That's a great response thank you

    • you're welcome! good luck!

  • Let them know you've met someone but you wish them the best :)

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  • say "you're a great guy.." then go from there

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