Why is dating so HARD?

Why can't it be: Boy meets girl. Both decide that they want a relationship so they proceed. OR one does not want a relationship so they let it be known then part ways or remain friends.

What's so hard in that? πŸ‘€ What's up with the games and lies? πŸ€” If you just want sex there's hookers, strippers and girls who are totally fine with having a fuck buddy. If you just want attention/money there's strippers/sugar daddies/indeed. com for that. Why present a false picture of who u are? Why don't u get that it's hurtful to lead a person on? I've been "talking" to a few guys.. long story short: Waste of time. Lies, games, manipulation- I don't get it. Here I am being myself and having good intentions but they're not. Is it me then? Im ready to give up dating. It's too complicated. I'm tired of giving guys chance and putting my time and effort to end up wasting my time. Any input will be appreciated.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Hmm.

    My advice is.. The world isn't going to just suddenly begin making sense just 'cuz you want it to.

    Dating is sh! t. If you're having such bad luck with men, you can either do something about it actively, or just passively continue to wait for prince charming to eventually come along (eventually).

    Most communication is non-verbal. You need to get better at figuring out what someone's really saying and that won't happen if you keep listening to their words.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Because commitment isn't an easy decision to make. Plus, you make it harder by picking and tolerating shitty candidates.

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    • You are so right. The older I get, the more I put up with bullshit.

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    • Believe me, I'm taking this advice. And when that jerk comes running back, I'm reading this advice again. Enough is enough. I need to do better. But seriously this is the best advice thus far. πŸ‘πŸ‘Œ

    • Thanks girl good luck!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 27

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    • That's most definitely one of my problem. I keep giving them a chance even when they rub me the wrong way. I keep telling myself that maybe if I rough it out it'll lead to something serious. It never does. Thanks for posting this video.

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    • @TripleAce Sad but true

    • Impressive response!

  • I think the problem with most people dating is, they try their best to seem attractive and interesting instead of honest and their normal selves... if two people were completely honest with-themselves to themselves and their partners then they'd know the moment when they felt any less attracted or any more confused or doubtful... and you can decide precisely what type of relationship you have and rather to move on or not with a lot less problems.

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  • I will explain it as much as i can :
    1 - women want the attractive, high status and rich men with confidence and leading character... basically the top 20-30% of men , however the majority of men lack some of these traits, take me for example iam confident, take care of myself, good looking with a good personality but iam not rich nor high status.

    2- men want the purest, most beuatiful and most special women they can find, meaning they want a virgin or a girl who had very few sexual partners, can cook, clean and is willing to be a housewife at least part time while the man works outside (typical relationship) some women are like that but a lot aren't these days mainly because they would rather spend money than do it themselves... as for these men, well some of them dont have what it takes to attract such women.

    dating is hard because we want something and aren't willing to compromise so both parties play one another to get what they want and move on to someone they actually wanna be with, girls use guys for attention and ego boost, men use women for sex.

    The world we live in is full of deception, basically you have to be smart but even then its hard to find what you want, i already told you what i have and what i lack and i do get attention from women... a lot but thats usually not enough to get said women cause they want more, they think they are worth more even when they aren't, and that leads some men to hate women, fortunatelly i dont hate women lol but iam not willing to make life easier for them either cause it doesn't benefit men.

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  • so you're basically just painting all guys in one color towards the end there

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    • Believe me I do NOT want to believe that all guys are like that. Hence the reason I've given them chances. I've even question if the one at fault here is me. I just don't know what to do anymore.

    • well, I know that you know all guys are not the same. In a world populated with around 8 billion people (haven't checked my facts recently), half of them being guys, it's really just possible that you've had a bad streak. Only thing you can do is give up or keep trying. You'll never know if you don't try though.

  • Because to find true love is rare like a needle in a hay stack. Most people are shallow assholes stupid fucks who are a waste of human space.

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  • Your idealized scenario is way too naive.
    How about this one:
    Boy sees girl and tries to talk to her but she's always busy. After several weeks he finally gets a time to talk with her and sheepishly gets her number. He texts her but it takes a couple days to get a reply. After back and forth exchanges he asks her out and she agrees. During the date he decides to be honest and tells her that he's only interested in a friends with benefit relationship. She feels used and cheap and calls him a manipulative asshole even though he was being honest. She storms out and blocks his number and the guy feels rejected and terrible.

    What happened here? He was just being honest and didn't want to play any games yet was made to be the villain here. "Why can't guys just find girls who want fuck buddies", you say? Well, this guy was. It's not like girls have signs on their backs saying "I want a relationship" vs "I just wanna fuck". Its trial and error. Sometimes we ask the wrong girl and things go sideways.

    Dating is hard because people are complicated. We all have our different
    wants and motives, and more often than not, we're really terrible at communicating them. Dating is a game. It shouldn't be but as long as people are selfish and manipulative, it will always be a game.

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    • Not everyone is like you, princess. Some girls flip out on a guy from the beginning for suggesting a friends with benefits type relationship. Your situation is pretty shitty and I won't try to defend that particular guy's actions because that's pretty indefensible but like I said in my last paragraph, everyone has different motivations and some people, guys and girls, don't have any problem setting aside ethics for the sake of getting what they want. That's life. In a perfect world, everyone would be transparent but this world is far from perfect and a lot of the time being honest doesn't get you what you want. Does that justify that sort of behaviour? No. But no one said this world is full of good, caring, ethical people. You just have to find someone better than him.

    • You guys are both right. Things are not gonna be black and white. I just have to be smart enough to detect the disloyal ones and strong enough to leave them alone. I appreciate both of these responses. Gave me a new insight.

  • Why can't it be girl meet boy? Dating is hard because 1) women won't go after the guy 2) women are afraid of commitment 3) when there is a great guy available, women want the "bad boy", then are shocked when he cheats or they get dumped for a hotter woman.

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    • It's not a nice guy vs bad boy situation cause I've dated them both. Plus when I start to show interest they start to act distant. I don't know. I give up lol

  • Yeah this is why I avoid asking questions on this site for awhile you ask a question 99% of the time nothing changes or you don't get the answer you seek, Dating is a complete mess in the U. S I don't even attempt dating anymore it's too complicated to figure so I don't date and I leave it at that I mean I got a lot of things done while not dating so being single is not so bad

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  • because both parties have to sacrifice their times and energies to make schedules work. some people are competitive and just want to be better than their partner. chill people are hard to find everyone wants attention

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    • one guy NEVER bend his schedule for me but gets VERY upset when I'm not able to spend time with him because of work/school. He is so selfish. I don't know why I put up with him for so long.

    • and too many people are like that

  • So dating is trying to get two humans who have "free-will" and more times than not, differing backgrounds, to be automatically on the same page... Good luck with that?

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    • One of the first thing I mentioned was that if they are not on the same page they should let it be known. That way no one is being lead on and end up getting hurt so I'm not sure what you're trying to say lol
      In no way am I say these guys MUST commit to me. Just don't play games is all I'm saying

    • But, who's to say the guy was going into the situation to play games? Dating is very unpredictable. As well, I would think most go into a dating situation wanting to be with that person. So they wanted to be with you. But some wanted less commitment out of the deal than you did really. Maybe one or so were complete assholes and wanted to lead you on in hopes of sex, but I doubt very much that was the intention of every single one. Finding the right person is all about timing. If you both are not on the same page at the same time in the same understanding of love and care, than it won't work. It could have been the fact that they wanted something you didn't want at the time. I have had my time when I got so hurt, that I thought all women were selfish and only wanted what was best for them. Then I hung out with women more in platonic ways and did a lot of reflecting on my own past experiences that didn't work out favorably.

    • What it made me realize is that women and men really want the same things. We just sometimes go about getting it in differing manners and depending on the time in our lives and the experiences we've had, we read situations and relationship development differently. As well, I looked at how I was and I probably did mistakes on my part or read the situation in the wrong manner hoping it would be this way or go this way, when it really was going well and maybe I pushed it or didn't do enough for it to continue going well. Also, relationship can mean different things if you are both in a different stages in your mind of wanting to connect with someone.

  • People being emotionally guarded, as well as ppl's emotions being a fickle, inexact science.

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  • Stop going after the fuckboys. They start shit and dump you for the better looking girl. Date some guys who were good friends of yours, because they will always be more trustworthy.

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  • What I hate it is a lack of honesty and assertiveness

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  • Because guys are DICKS

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  • Bad communication and assumptions.

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  • because if it was so easy it wouldn't feel so special when it does happen properly

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  • Dating is easy, stop dating guys who have multiple options. If you can't get over that base desire for an attractive popular guy they just suck it up to be honest... like what else can you do?

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    • I don't care if he's attractive & popular or not. Those are the guys I'm the most skeptical & hesitant about but they're persistent AF and claim I'm judging them and not even giving them a chance. So I do and it's the same BS. I've given average looking, quirky guys a chance too and one ghost me TWICE. Did it the first time, few years later , met again, exchanged numbers, went on a date then before you know it he ghost me again. No disagreement or anything. Like what was the point? Those guys don't deserve my time anymore is all I know.

  • Because it doesn't work. I've eliminated the dating prosses when I was 18 . Also I've never been out of relationship or marriage since then. Go for commitment only , or just move on. Simple as that.

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  • It's not hard if you find the right person. Find the wrong one, and it's gonna be tough

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  • Lady lol
    Strippers n hookers cost him money lol you don't

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    • Lol thats true but I personally know chicks who are OKAY with having a fuck buddy. Guys need to go find them and stop pouncing on girls who want something else.

    • It's harder for guys lol they're isn't just a girl in every corner willing to sleep with him unless he's an above average guy with specific features

      So he has to take what he gets lol and play a little to get her to sleep with him lol
      --> see when you wanna casually sleep with a guy. Literally all you have to do is snap your fingers and call over puppy boy and he comes crawling. Not with girls

    • Not trying to be rude at all but I can see guys who are unattractive having a hard time getting a girl to jump and sleep with him. But this guy is tall, good looking and plays college football. He should be use to girls wanting to sleep with him just because of his looks. Why play games with me? Why lead me on? I'm surprise he didn't lose interest, ghost and call up one of his many girls. (Claims it's just me but who is he kiddingπŸ‘€). Do u understand what I'm trying to say here?

  • great, you're now ready to get married. congrats

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  • Cuz many guys want many things most want relationships but you have to click

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  • What's your purpose from a relationship?

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  • That's because they're insecure and think that you wouldn't like them for who they are, so they make up a fake persona to make themselves look more attractive. in my opinion, this is a really dumb way to go about things because even if the girl starts being attracted to you, you're going to have to act that way... forever. You can't be yourself.

    You can't change how some guys act. BUT I assure you that there are quite a few guys in this world who are straightforward and honest about themselves.

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  • Dating simply ain't worth it, honestly.

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    • Why do u think it's not worth it?

    • Too much bullshit.

    • I agree withcha.

  • It's because most of the planet are ego led and driven by unconscious thoughts, desires, and have near zero connection with their higher self.

    In short most people have forgotten who they were, don't know who they are, and don't know why they are here.

    The relationship that they have with themselves is often based more on survival and gratification, so the relationships they have with others follows a similar pattern. Things will continue to get worse, and you will continue to meet more idiots. By the time things become better (awakening), most of us will be dead...

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  • dating isn't hard if you dont date at all

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What Girls Said 5

  • I don't know :( I wish I could find someone I wanted to date.

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  • It is like that but there are people in sheep clothing with deceitful intentions. You just have to watch for signs and their actions, start being straight forward with these guys. I ask them do they want a girlfriend, are they looking for a relationship? If they dont give a yes or no answer, say i dont know, or says they sat they want to keep it causal, then cut those guys off immediately. When a guy gives those answers it means he's not being serious with you. If he says yes but doesn't show or put effort into wanting to date you, drop him. A lot men out here dont care about wasting a woman's time or using her body and most of the time they will show you. Just keeping looking and don't give up.

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  • It does seem it should be simple but Lord knows, it's not! I wish I had a better answer but I will agree with you

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  • A lot of men just like the game. Women too. And they don't care how it can hurt others to lead them on. They are just looking for validation and for someone to "ooo and ahhh" over them.
    My only advice is to let meeting someone happen naturally and stop trying so hard. I am hoping that works for me.

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    • You're right about a lot of things you said but I do let it happen naturally. I never approach these guys first. Sometimes I turn them down more than once and they beg me to just give them a chance. And I am not trying too hard. I am just being myself πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ

    • Man! Really? I don't know then. I don't get how some women, we can't manage to find a real relationship or even a beginning of a relationship. Then there are girls like my sister-in-law who every guy she dates wants to move in with her!!! After a few months of dating. And she isn't even that cute. What the heck do men want?

    • Lol Yeah I know a few girls just like your sister in law. As soon as one relationship ends they're already in a new one meanwhile I'm still single and going on dates after dates that leads to nowhere. πŸ˜‚ πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ lmao.

  • Sweetie you just haven't found THE ONE yet

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