This is an add on to my other question as someone I know brought up a really interesting instance where someone she knew tried to make her feel guilty for having had a boyfriend after he refused to get serious with her. I've had guys do similar things to me as well, basically trying to guilt trip me into feeling bad that I found someone and they're subsequently feeling as if they aren't good enough or missed out.
What about you gals and guys?
Most Helpful Guy
If I did it would be my parents. Despite being 17 they still are against the idea of me dating. They're pretty conservative (don't condemn them for it, I share most of their beliefs and ideals). Basically they don't want me getting hurt, or getting someone else hurt by being in a relationship and then breaking up when it doesn't work out. It kind of frustrates me when I find there's a girl I like and I don't feel like I can be open about the fact that I like her with my parents. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents. At times I feel like they will condemn me or make me feel like I've done something wrong by finding that I'm interested in a girl or want to go out with her.1
Most Helpful Girl
Hi @RJGraveyTrain, what a great question, and I hope anyone who has ever done this to people will realize how pointless and selfish doing this is, and how actually unattractive it makes them.
I've had three *former* friends do this to me - and looking back on it, they all had things in common such as having extremely miserable lives, no healthy relationships both in love and from family, and no concept of learning from their mistakes. They were also envious, and to make up for it - felt the need to cut me down when I found happiness because they had no idea how to make things better for themselves.
1. My best friend in college, a very overweight girl who was unhappily married, cheated on her husband to sabotage the marriage. She ran around for about ten years having nonsense one-night stands that she foolishly mistook for actual relationships. No man ever wanted to be with her - and didn't want to be in public. When I found love, she bashed my choices every single time, yet I was actually dating.
2. My (male) roommate had broken up with his girlfriend but was still secretly sleeping with her and leading her on. He stayed with me so he could have flings behind her back. As I dated, and eventually spent more time with one guy, he thought it would be cool to just sit and make fun of us and tease us. Meanwhile, no one was more whipped than him. He just felt there was no other way to take the attention away from himself than to cut others' down for being happy.
3. A friend from my teenage years - my longest standing friendship - could never find a guy, yet she excelled when it came to work and independent success (bought a home, etc.) - so she compensated that she needed no one in her life. I was not as successful in that regard, but I could find a man with no problem. Each time I met someone, without even meeting him, she'd criticize my choices. When I eventually met my husband and announced I was getting married she became very rude to me. We were in a long-distance friendship living in different countries, and she would snap at me and have a very curt tone after learning I was engaged. She hadn't even met my fiance yet she was already against him. The thing is, I knew she longed for a man (she admitted this) - but she kept putting up barriers to prevent herself from being hurt. Because she didn't know how to just grow up and allow herself to take the risks, she just became smart-mouthed with me about my decisions.
I ended my friendships with all three.2
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