What things should I expect when dating someone who is transgender?

So I have a friend who I found out was born female, but is now male. Are there any things I should really expect? Like I know I'll get some people who support it and who don't, but that won't bother me because my friend I'll call him Kevin for privacy reasons has been one of my best friends for a long time and I have feelings. Now I don't know if Kevin also has feelings for me, but in the event he would then I'd like to be prepared.

And before people start saying "Maybe he's gay" or something, Kevin is bi and has stated this before to people. And before people say anything, to me a transgender person is who they say they are, and if someone says they are male even before and after transition then I fully respect that and call them whatever they desire to be called. So, if people are telling me another thing, just know I support people who feel like they're another gender.

Maybe some of you, have experience with this yourselves, maybe know some people that are or just have a lot of knowledge on the situation. All I knows is, it can be tough for some people going through this because maybe their families aren't supportive or other things and I would like as much advice as possible.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • 1. There is no such thing as changing sex. One can dress differently. One can medically and surgically alter one's appearance. But one cannot change one's chromosomes which define gender.

    2. If you are so screwed up in the head to knowingly date a girl who pretends to be a guy when you are not gay, then there is no amount of advice that can help you.

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    • Did she clearly not say for anyone to come and decide to be the voice of ignorant people everywhere and act like something is wrong with trans people? If they say they're a girl then they're a girl. End of story

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    • @Okohno you reminded me of an episode of HOUSE where he takes a mentally ill guy who thinks he can fly to a game where he can jump in a way makes you feel like you are flying,, then on their way back to the car the guy jumped from the 4th story building because HOUSE empowered his idea that he really can fly.

      the same goes for transgenders,, people supporting them and that leads to more people committing mutilations to their bodies

    • is that good or bad? lmao

Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think there is anything to expect.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 57

  • Just treat them like any person. A transgender shouldn't be their most defining thing about them. If you really care about this person and want to date the transgender, treat them like a real person that you want to date.

    Support them but don't coddle them, they aren't children and I'm pretty sure they'd rather be treated respectfully.

    Best wishes with you.

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  • You can expect him/her not to have a dick 😂😂...

    Lol sorry, i had to

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  • first thing I would advise you is to be a strong advocate for the fact that gender is fluid. Treat him as a person and know that everyone is different and that's completely okay. Talk to him how he feels about gender roles.

    Secondly, don't ignore his past because that is a part of him and it's okay to accept that. Do however know his triggers.

    For example, a friend of mine was dating a trans Man and used to always say Bye Falicia when he would leave. little did my friend know his name was Falicia before the transition so it was pretty insulting.

    lastly, know their insecurities. Find out what things are hard for him to accept about himself and accept them for him tell him how he's handsome or how you're proud of him!

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    • No, gender is not fluid. No, being different is not necessarily ok.

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    • first of all this is the last message I'm responding to because you're a being totally irrespectable by calling a woman a ladyboy. if you're gonna be inconsiderate I'm not going to waste my time.

      The woman was not being dishonest because they identify as a woman. Why should people be forced to provide people with information about their genitalia (other than if they have an STD)

      anywho, hopefully you can put yourself in others position in the future and learn to be more accepting of people :)

    • I am not being disrespectful by calling a man who pretends to be a man a ladyboy. It is easier to pronounce than calling him a katoey.

      "Why should people be forced to provide people with information about their genitalia"
      Because it is kinda important to nearly every human on earth in choosing a sex partner and on which restroom to use.

      I am not one who is "accepting". I am one who tells the truth and calls it like it is. I am not going to be accepting of an Arab who wants to kill Jews (or me). I am not going to be accepting of a mugger. I am not going to be accepting of a psychopath who shoots up a school. I am not going to be accepting of a man who lies and tells people he is a woman.

      If someone wants to be accepted, then don't lie.

  • Biologically there is only 2 gender.
    it's more of a metal acceptance that the person feels like male although they have all the features of female
    so biologically you are dating a girl

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    • Maybe biologically, but Kevin went through full entire transformation, so he's not in the transition stage and has been like this for a long time, to me personally I feel like when someone wants to be something else people should just chill out and accept it. But yeah I get what you're saying

  • No penis and an inability to have children

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  • no expectations really. just treat them like a human being and your friend?

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  • if you plan for children.. plan to adopt, beyond that it's not really a matter of things being different if the person identifies as male, and has gone through the process, minus biological differences, that person is male.

    personally that kind of relationship could not work for me because I want chdren that are biologically mine. don't get me wrong I have nothing against adoption, there are children out there that need a loving home but that option is not for me.

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  • Suicide.

    "Suicide rate and suicidal tendencies among transgender persons are considerably high compared to general population."

    -> www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5178031/

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  • That's not how life works...

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  • @okohono The problem is you don't have a clue what's in their heads. Call it what you like, but the very least you could do is understand it from their perspective. Wouldn't that arm you better to debate them? But you're not even close to understanding them and that to me is the sad part. I'm trying to understand y'all, I get that for some reason you abhor straying away from certain facts but others you think are not fact. Like it's a fact that a man can believe, through no choice of his own, that he's a woman. What do you do with that fact? Why is that one disregarded?

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  • Expect confusion.. lol. Honestly I have no idea. I would advice not to date such people.

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  • Expect there being no Penis.

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    • And you gotta be gay or bi yourself if you date him. His gender is male but his sex is still female.

  • Be prepared to date someone who is mentally ill and still plays dress up

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  • lots and lots of therapy

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  • Can he pass off as a legitimate male? If the answer is yes, I don't see any reason you have to tell casual aguaintances his situation. Safety 1st.

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  • Personality wise, the same exact things...
    honesty, love

    those are the most important factors in a relationship of any kind.

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  • To never be able to have kids.

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  • pre-operative genitals?

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  • give them a chance the he just wants to be happy and there is nothing wrong with that

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  • I am actually trans person myself. I want to become a woman but I can't for family reason and friend she who think I am gay already. I try to dressed up as a woman thinking people would understand. But I feel weak feeling like a woman so I came back to just being gay, but there is still feelings I want to become a woman. I met several trans man as well. There is a support group in LGBT center and we all gather around. I think transman are just a man. I don't feel much difference. They all have needs and desires. If you happened to be involved with them you just have to think that she is he. I don't like them more than any other man or less. They are just man to me.

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  • People aren't yet fully ready to easily accept trans people and if you happen to date one it's considered taboo... honestly is not right to trans people who genuinely want love. And yeah people will keep arguing over what they are... they are human. We all bleed red. If your not ready for the look of shame and people looking down on you for that then maybe you should attempt any thing because people will only get more hurt in the process.

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  • My opinion is that Kevin is a bi-sexual male and there is nothing wrong with you becoming his boyfriend, which I'm pretty sure he'd be cool with as well, and I see no reason why you two wouldn't be happy together. By the way, your message was by far the sweetest post I've read on this website.

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    • My opinion is that Kevin is a bi-sexual male and there is nothing wrong with you becoming his girlfriend, which I'm pretty sure he'd be cool with as well, and I see no reason why you two wouldn't be happy together. By the way, your message was by far the sweetest post I've read on this website.

    • Aw thank you, all the comments on here I just really disagree with the ones that say he is female. Because I respect other human beings, and people say "Expect weird looks" like someone could automatically tell, thing is though he already transitioned and really there's no girl feature on his face or anything that people could realize.

      My opinion is, people stop being assholes and just fucking accept shit, it's not that hard to be a decent human being. Thank you for the support though it means a lot

  • where ever u sit on the fence just know ull never be able to have biological children from her

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  • Just treat the transgendered friend as you would any other friend, and treat them as the gender with which they identify. They're still humans with feelings, and want the same thing we all want; to be treated with dignity and respect, and to be loved; to feel they're wanted and that they have self-worth. Being trans in a world where so many people are filled with hate is not an easy thing for them. It takes a lot of courage to try and be the person they feel they need to be.

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  • I dunno, not going to date trans, but I'd say expect for them to not be all gender.
    Sometimes, they act like a girl, then like a guy, and back again.

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  • Oh, yeah, my entire has flip-flopped their genders. Why, it's all the rage these days!!

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  • expect the female personality to show every once in awhile

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  • I think you're covered on what to expect if you know for sure if you would want a relationship with Kevin.

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  • all these opinions are irrelevant unless there coming from a trans person or somebody that's dated a trans person l.

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  • in my opinion you should have a relationship with a male

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What Girls Said 31

  • If you guys have sex and he already went through the transition you can expect that you guys will actually be able to have sex (unlike popular belief). You see, they insert this rod into the penis that can turn straight (a boner).

    However let me be clear. Those who go through the transition may heavily regret it (not all of them regret it but some do) . The suicide rate can go higher if this situation happens. So he may or may not want to go through the whole transition which is okay. Just love him as a person if you have the ability to (not everybody can do this).

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  • Too bad you asked this on here, since most people on here aren't very accepting of transgender people.
    All I can say is treat him like a person, listen to what he thinks and feels.

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  • You won't be having children. Something to consider.

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  • Expect to not ever get pregnant from him.

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  • Well, you may experience some level of social pressure, rude looks, and/or comments if other people notice and become aware that he is trans. Unfortunately, in any kind of "non-traditional" relationship, that is a risk. Don't let hateful people get to you or affect your relationship though. You should simply be supportive of him when he needs it but also treat him like you would anyone else. I am not trans personally but I would imagine that they do not want special treatment, they just want to be respected and treated like anyone else. You clearly do respect him and his identity which is important so that's great.

    As for dealing with other people, I wouldn't tell others that he is trans unless HE brings it up or let's you know that it's okay to talk about it. Respecting him and his identity means not putting him on the spot or bringing unwanted attention to his identity when you are around other people. I know that probably doesn't need to be said because it should be common sense but I still wanted to mention it.

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  • Ok so I'm in a very similar situation. I'm bisexual but homoromantic. Basically I'm only date and have relationships with other girls. Anyway I've been talking to another bi girl that I met in a dating site who after talking for a while came out and told me she was trans. We have a lot in common and great conversations and she is very attractive in her pics. She is on hormones but is pre-op. I want to meet her but I'm a little nervous as I've never done this before. Mainly I don't want to treat her like an experiment and hurt her.

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    • I've been doing a lot of research on it and one thing I read is that a lot of transpeople are very uncomfortable with their birth gender parts and feel like it's part of them that doesn't belong. So before sex you should talk and find out what they are comfortable with. I assumed it would be a girl that could have sex with me like a man but she might not be comfortable with me going anywhere near her penis etc. and might just prefer to give me oral. In your care he might nit be comfortable with vaginal stimulation at all. So just talk about it first before being intimate.

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    • Im attracted to dominant characteristics but in a female not a male, maybe a woman much older than me sort of dominatrix thing even a total female with a cock i would be ok with as its the female body that would make the cock attractive. I just feel nothing towards men as a whole no matter how desperate i wouldn't go there. Hence why i identify as 'heterosexual'. I just assumed the reverse was true for females.

    • @Alexistheman333 An online article (many online articles) reported on the studies indiana.edu/.../Chivers_Seto_Blanchard_2007.pdf her is one that preceded them, www.researchgate.net/.../publications here are the other few.

  • Don't ask the internet. Just get to know him and you'll learn as you go. Every trangender person along with a rest of the world views things different just be will to have an open mind to their view points when you don't understand or possibly disagree.

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  • Expect lesbian sex, depression, mood swings it will put you through

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  • Unfortunately, you should expect that some people are going to be dicks about it and will ask inappropriate questions or judge you and Kevin.

    Regardless of whether he has feelings for you or not, you should be there to support him and make him feel accepted for who he is.

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  • Would you date her?

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  • For people who are like "expect ____", it comes from a generalization from women. People who are trans could have changed their genitals, so the possibility of a child is not out of the question.

    I, have had interest in what people call "trans people". Am I shamed? No, they're still people regardless of all. People can act anyway they want to act, regardless of sex or gender. It doesn't matter as long as you respect it. They're still people underneath it all, regular people at that. Just born in a different body.

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    • How can they have a kid when he can't produce sperm?

    • if you cannot produce sperm or an egg, you simply cannot have children,

      let me simplify

      trans man (female thst transitioned to male) no matter how many surgeries they have cannot ever produce sperm.

      trans woman (male that transitioned to female) no matter how many surgeries they have, they simply cannot produce eggs, they don't have the equipment for it.

      the only option is artificial insimenation or adoption. just because you transition, it does not change your biology or genetics or what you were born with.

    • Ah, shit, didn't know. Either ways, adopt.

  • 1st I think it's sad the amount of insensitive comments you got but in my opinion like several other people stated treat him the same as you would any relationship. He may be more sensitive or on guard because things may be changing but he's been picked on an harassed. But from reading what you just wrote im sure you'll be sensitive to that. Just gotta ask him whatever questions you have im sure he'll answer. An if he is a friend or interested in you he'll be happy you asked an didn't assume

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  • a lack of a dick or pussy mainly.

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  • Nothing much I guess. Expect other people to be not so cool and open about it.
    I know 3 transgender people and they are really chill. Just normal people who were born differently, but can totally find themselves in their new identity.

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  • I have a gender fluid internet friend. They taught that it's fine to ask someone what their pronouns are. I think it would be helpful to correct someone when they use the wrong pronouns for your trans friend. It shows you support him. And also if you meet another trans person or even a gender fluid, don't be afraid to ask what their pronouns are. They will be happy that you did.

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    • gender fluid and trans are not the same. Asker talks about a female2male transsexual. Pronouns are not an issue there, its obviously "he".

      Also, if they are already friends and thinking on going a step further, those thinks should already be sorted out anyway.

  • Hormonal issues methinks

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  • Is he transgender, living as the opposite sex, or is he transsexual and had a surgical sex change?

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  • ok so I'm trans so I have some good insite. first thing is no matter how he dresses or acts he. is who he sease he is so even if he want to wear make up he is still a guy. second treat him like any other guy. third check up on him once in a while to see if he is feeling dysphoric and see if you can help. last do not out him to anyone even of you think they know and do not talk about him being trans in public unless he brings it up

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  • Treat him like you would most boys, of course, be more considerate about his feelings and don't make any transphobic jokes or anything.

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  • Good luck because that's weird af !

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  • I would assume no Penis and like are you bi? or at least gay?
    Also you should tell him how you feel about him

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  • my boyfriend if transgender FtM just treat him like you would any guy

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  • It should be just like dating any other person.

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  • I think it will be fine.

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  • A few months ago I came across a few YouTube videos. Some YouTubers are transgender and have talked about dating and stuff. The videos also feature their partners. It might help you.

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  • basically you will be dating another girl who looks like boy. so in other words just like any lesbian relationship

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  • expect that u can not get pregnant.. lol

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  • I apologize if this may seem graphic but open communication is key and a must as in any relationship. If you are sexually active discuss triggers, referral of sexual organs, and basic needs romantically and physically. Dating as a transgender person may be equally as new and challenging for him but can open new doors and opportunities for the both of you. If certain things seems unfamiliar and uncomfortable, simply focus on building a strong emotional connection. Best of luck <3

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  • he will have periods still and be jealous of you, possibly an emotional wreck over nothing.

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  • Yeah. Keep the gender god gave you.

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