Is the decision to hold off on relationships until you are secure and stable in life sound like a bad idea?

Just like with college, people say don't hold off on relationships because you never know who you are gonna meet and how. Apparently it's better to get into the practice of dating so you are better prepared for when you really , really are into someone one day and wanna be their everything. However I have come to the conclusion that relationships aren't for me. At least not at this time. There is the sex I'll be missing but I can please myself just fine. And for companionship theirs always friends and family members to go to. I just really feel like this is a bad point in my life to accept the offers in dates I have had though my friends and family encourage me to take them. I want to be emotionally ready, secure with a great job, and have gone to school... Is that the wrong way to be ready? Am I being too traditional? Because its not that I am not open minded or modern in many ways because I am... I just don't want to get to the point where everything turns to shit and face the hurt because this time it might be someone I was with for a long while.

Updates:
Hey if i get hurt I want to be independent enough that I won't be depending on the guy for anything except his being with me

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It depends on what you are looking for. If you believe you want to find someone to settle down with then being secure in areas such as finance and housing will not add risk to the relationship. If in the end it doesn't work out you dont want to be without anything. I guess the real thing you have to ask is if you are ready for whatever said relationship to either work or not. If you want to elevate things and talk about having children. Then yes most definitely i believe that people should wait. I see a lot of parents nowadays who have no idea how to conduct themselves and are stuck in a cycle of financial instability which further adds stress to their lives, all while having to raise a child and try to teach them better when they dont know what better is otherwise they wouldn't be in that situation. The final say is MY opinion if you want to raise kids to not be stuck in the same world we are then constant nourishment and attention are vital. If you are dating someone and it doesn't work its only really you who is affected.

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    • ending statement not quite true

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    • i think i wasn't as clear as i could have been. i wasn't talking about those 2 things in the same light. i was saying if you are not stable in life and dont have kids then the outcome of a relatinship not working out is exponentially better than if you had kids. if you are looking for people to reassure you to be stable in life and be able to take care of yourself before adding the good and bad aspects of a relationship to that then its only logical to not want to be homeless if he/she kicks you out.

    • Oh okay. Well the thing is I really don't want to be like my Mum who was always unstable job wise and financially dependant from the start. And then i have a couple cousins who got kicked out with no place to go during a break up. I just graduated and got my first job. I dont even have my own set of wheels so I really dont feel ready to date though I have tried once and it didn't work out. The second time never started fully. Anyways I dont feel ready. Not saying that I am gonna wait til i am 30 or anything but at least a couple more years

Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly I waited until I was more secure before dating seriously, people harassed me about it for years. Most of them are in shit relationships now, and mine is great. So yeah it's obvious what I think.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 20

  • its a fair decision
    when you'll be looking for a relationship in the future, this would be a good sign for the guys wanting relationships that you didn't sleep around and respected yourself and your life by focusing on things that were more important like your career than getting into a relationship just as a trend

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  • Yes. You are never perfect nor ready. The longer you wait, the more opportunities you are going to miss out.

    A relationship isn't two perfect people getting together, but two people growing together as in growing closer and growing each as an individual with the closeness and support of the other.

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    • I dont mean waiting until I am completely settled but like one girl just said the people whp thought she was stupid are the ones in shitty relationships but she's in a great one. And she's 24 now so thats still young. Thing is I barely graduated, still can't drive, and I just got my first job. Pretty soon I am gonna be going back to school. I want to be emotionally ready and also have a more stable life... Not that I am cutting guys out my life completely but they know I am not looking to commit for right now or have sex

    • Just be out there and see if the right guy comes. It really shouldn't make a difference, if he comes when you are 18 or 28.

  • Not a bad idea at all! It's what I'm doing currently. Also I'm not 100% satisfied with who I am at the moment, so I want to improve myself and be happy with me before I try to add someone else.

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  • I think we should all wait until we are more stable to be in a serious relationship. Finances and other things can put a huge strain on a relationship.

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  • Not at all. See the world, get educated, do the things you want to do. Little mini-you's change your life immeasurably.

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  • As a woman it's probably unwise.

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  • Wish more people woukd do this quite honestly! Hate seeing people making mistakes as far as relationships.
    But sometimes hun, things happen and you neet someone and maybe you'll decide to have to see things through as well.

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  • sounds like to me that you have somebody that you want to date in mind and you're scared to get hurt which is good it's good to be cautious the heart is a fragile thing the problem is with waiting is if you wait too long the one you want won't be available or you will be set so far into your ways you won't be able to put yourself into a relationship because it's as the old saying goes It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks no I'm not trying to be sexist or anything but from a guy's point of view it all comes down to if you have that feeling that you want to go out with that person to see what could happen do it you might not get another shot

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    • The thing is I am far from anti social and enjoy communicating and hanging out with others, including a bunch of males. I tend to be a bit of a flirt as well. But I dont see the nedd to head into a relationship. I was hurt twice already and I dont want to be like my Mum who was never financially independent and always unstable job wise. She had a hard time managing after my Dad... I have a couple cousins who experienced the same dating wise

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    • @timeburner I am not perfect but punction would had help to understand what you typed. Some of the wording made no sense.

    • @MysteriousDarkness thing is I get too attached to do just fun dating or hooking up... I already get attached easily to guys I befriend randomly or at work or something. Plus its really silly of me to date right now considering all thats going on in my life after graduation. Plus im sick and tired of fuckin jerks since the good ones are already taken or are looking to invest in a certain girl

  • There is no rush to relationship and really most people would prefer to go straight to college from high school. I did everything from high school to college and working...

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  • go ahead, but don't become dependant on anyone too fast as that can get you into trouble.

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  • You do it when it feels right, and this is different from person to person.

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  • u can't really know, life is to uncertain for that, the world could explode tomorrow and I'd die a virgin, so I'm rolling the dice every day I don't have sex with a girl... there's a point in there somewhere I just lost track of it.

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    • Dont just sleep with anyone because its best to make such an amazing act at least somewhat meaniful if anything. But yeah you have a point, its all a gamble

    • yeah I know, if I was gonna someone random I could've done that already

  • Word, financial Independence, and every freedom that comes with is liberating. Be able to stand on your own 2 feet if that's what you want or how you Wish your life to be like, on the other hand some partners are perfectly Happy to just take care of what their partner has and will have in the Future for everyone's sake. But that's rare

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  • oh wow i can relate. But for me im a little insecure cause i feel like i should established myself careerwise before i get into a relationship

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  • This dish you're cooking is a recipe for being forever single. What's missing is the desire to be committed to another person , while at the same time... creating an escape plan to fall back on. Its great to be able to not depend so much on one thing or another , while in the same , it takes a sacrifice here or there. To set your own norms , is one thing , to exclude the responsibility of the other to get there , is counter intuitive.

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    • I am not saying I dont expect the guy to take care of me in lots of ways but thing is I have been hurt a lot and I realized that what hurts the most is not being independent enough. Plus I dont want to be like my Mom who had nothing after my Dad

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    • Actually it won't. I am only planning on going to college for 2 years then work and see if I want to go further and get my bachelors. Plus all the guys I like a lot right now are taken or seriously interested in someone else. Its been like that forever.

    • Awww , you'll eventually make it work. Just remember , miracles do happen...

  • as i think if you find someone at the age of 25 or 26 and if you think you both feel comfortable with eachother and you both respect your opinions then you should continue him till the end of your life

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  • no it's a great idea if youthink tht you can't handke it just dn't put yourself into something you cn't afford

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  • People will tell you what to do etc, but seriously do what you feel is best for you.

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  • Completely fine, do it if you can or want.

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  • Hell no. that's what people should honestly do. That's what I do.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Yes! Of course its fine, in fact I'm doing something similar myself. In terms of I'm not actively pursing a relationship I'm just going to let life take its course and if it happens, it happens. I know that it means I can take care of myself and so if anything ever did go wrong I have that self assurance that I'm going to be okay. I was with someone last year, and upon breaking up they moved onto someone else within a month, because they personally can't handle being alone. I sort of pitied them in a way, because he even said to me once, he hated being alone. It's a shame really because you have some of the best adventures in life on your own. Honestly, grown on your own, figure out life and just have fun if something comes along it will. But there's no point searching and waiting, so in conclusion it's a great idea! :)

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  • I think that it's alright to want to hold off on a relationship. You should always be ready mentally and physically to put yourself out there and to be with someone when you're completely happy. I used to feel the same way and kind of still do. Some don't like my decision and others respect it. But just think of it this way. Those who care and love you will always wait no matter what because they respect you. People who are in a hurry don't respect you for your decisions and I don't think that's okay. But to answer your question, yes, I think being stable and secure is a good thing to be before anything else!!

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