Is it okay if I pay for myself on a first date?

I'm going on a first date with this guy I think we're going to meet up at a coffee shop, I want to pay for my coffee. Should I? Or should I let him pay for it if he offers? I


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If I asked a woman out and she demanded to pay for herself, I would be hurt and offended. That means she really had no desire to go on a date with me.
    Whoever asked for the date should pay the 1st time. Then the other person should pay the next time. Or he pays for the first part of the date and then if you go to a 2nd location, you pay there.

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    • I'm getting mixed answers here I don't know what to do😭

    • I don't think the woman always means she didn't want to go on the date. If that were me, if I didn't like you we wouldn't be on a date. I think it shows she doesn't necessarily feel the need to rely on a guy.

    • @creepypanda it is about respect. If she respects me, and is interested, she will let me pay for the date (assuming I asked her out). If she has manners, she will let me do it even if she has no intention of having a second date. As I stated, if you go to a second location on that same date, it is ok for the other person to pay there (or they pay the 2nd date).

Most Helpful Girl

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What Guys Said 45

  • If you're looking for a conservative guy, that's not a smart decision. But if you're looking for a partner that sees your ass an equal, you should do it.

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  • Since you like him and want to pay your own, just pay your own but still show him that you are still interested in him during and after the date. Otherwise, he may think you are not interested in him, which means little to no chance of a second date. Or let him pay if he offers/insists.

    A girl once paid her own for a movie ticket and it was clear she wasn't interested before, during, and after our date.

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  • I don't know. When I invite a girl I like, I make sure I will be the one to pay and even if you insist that you want to pay for yourself, I would still offer to pay for you.

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  • Yes it sure is although that might agitate the guy

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    • I don't want to make him nervous so if he offers I'll let him

    • Ok cool. Down the road you can pay your own way so you won't feel obligated to give him sex

  • I would say if he offers to pay go for it, If your more comfortable paying for your own coffee than do so but i think any guy should least offer to pay for a girls coffee.

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  • It would be really polite and considerate to offer to pay for yours. But then if he asked you for the date he should go: "No, really, I insist." (Meaning he wants to pay for you both.) Then, if you guys keep seeing each other you can both help out on dates without feeling the need to keep perfect score.

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  • I had a date once where the girl refused to let me pay for her coffee. Very attractive, we ended up together for nearly 3 years.

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  • personally if I was on a date and the girl wanted to pay for herself even after I had offered to, I would let her, because it shows you can be self supportive and won't take him for granted.

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  • Nooooooooooo pay

    There exists buddies gals & guys that "go Dutch" of course
    but dating is not that.
    The gal pays later if
    > she insists on an outing out of his range and he complies ahead of time
    > they are almost married types and want a life memory only joint funds can support
    > emergencies of course (this does not include "forgot my wallet")

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  • Just buy yours when you get there then proceed to make your way to the table

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  • Certainly OK

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  • It's just coffee. You can suggest to pay for yours but just let him pay if he insists in my opinion.

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  • I think that's really considerate and it says good things about your character. Especially on the first date it'll make a great impression. However if he insists on paying please let him or it might make him feel bad.

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  • me being a real gentleman I would pay before you knew it and honestly I wouldn't have a issue with it show your Independence

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  • if you want to but he'll probably do it anyway

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  • I would say ordering separately would be best if you have the means to pay for what you are planning to get. That would save you from assuming you owe him something. 👌

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  • 50/50 but if he insists then don't

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  • Either way is good. Just don't make it an issue.

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  • Presume he will pay. And if he doesn't, then move on to the next guy.

    A guy paying for a date is a sign of respect and financial stability (coffee isn't much, but a house and kids are).

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  • if he's a gentlemen then he'll pay. but that doesn't always mean he has too. it all depends. me i see girls take advantage of it but i also see guys insist on it until they let him

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  • Absolutely, who says you can't, especially if you want to and have the means.

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  • if money doesn't matter 2 u then offer to pay for both cups... and if he doesn't matter to u then bring up this convo...
    lastly... if he matters to u then i guess a lot of coffee mugs will b around... and who pays won't matter ny more... enjoy the date... atb!

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  • I think its only normal if you do

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  • He better pay.

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  • honestly it would be wrong for you to pay for it on a first date, let him pay for it

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    • Why? Only tradition that came about because women couldn't make their own money back in the day and we're considered property.

  • Gee, I can see this is going to go well. :(

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  • If I invited you on a date I'll pay and if you only try to pay for yourself, I'll hold you in a head lock while the waiter swipes my card.

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  • Do whatever.

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  • Either way. If he insists on paying then let him.

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    • I don't think any expects to get in your pants for a cup of coffee.

      That would require a burger and a coke.

  • Yeah, I would be glad if the girl payed

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What Girls Said 10

  • There's no problem in you paying for your own stuff. It means your independent and not afraid of being your own woman. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bad mouthing the women who let men pay, go all for it, I'm just saying you don't have to live by the old time rules where men should pay.

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    • Yeah exactly! Thank you

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    • Yeah so many mixed answers I'll just follow what feels right for me at the time when me meet. Thanks again! xx

    • You're welcome. I hope it goes well

  • ... On a First date with this guy...
    If he is a True Gem of a Gent Here, dear, he won't let you Near... That purse.
    Good Luck and Enjoy the Boy. xx

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    • Why? Only because of tradition that came about when women couldn't make their own money and were considered property.

    • @bekkesmash Some, hun, Traditions should stay in Place with a Guy's Gem of a Face. Unless both talk it over. lolxx

  • I think, if you want to of course, you could try and convince him to pay for yourself. If he insists just let him pay. It will be sure that he wanted to do this gesture and wasn't forced to because of stereotypes

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  • If he offers, politely deny, but he will pay for it anyway

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  • Do what makes you feel comfortable. If you really want to buy it, just do it. If he offers, you can let him, or insist that you do. If you do let him buy it, maybe offer to buy next time or whatever.

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  • Personally, I think that it's more than okay.

    My man literally forgot his wallet on the first date, and I could sense that he was being genuine. He says it worked out well because we were talking about equality, and it just gave him an excuse to see me again to take care of it for sure next time.

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  • You can pay and he'll most likely stop you and offer to pay it himself. You should just say no the first time and be like it's okay I'll pay but if he insists just let him

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  • No there is nothing wrong with that =)

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  • Whatever you want. I personally like to pay for myself no matter what date I', m on. But sometimes I'm willing to make a compromise (I buy dinner, he buys movie). Honestly it's been a while since I've been on a date though.

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  • It's okay! But if he seems really eager, like he'll feel bad if he doesn't pay, let him.

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