He won't commit to me. How do I deal with this?

It's been 2 years. From the beginning he said "I don't commit" so it was all light and fun until 6 months passed and feelings started to happen so I tried to end it.

he said that if I'm interested in more meaningful relationship with him, he's down to give it a try.

Its been a year and a half of confusion from there. He's amazing to me in many ways, but I want to be his only girl. He makes comments like, "I can never get married to one person" they should get getting married to more than one legal. Things like that. He's done a lot for me, but I have to move on now and this is probably the hardest thing I'm gonna do. He's the first man I loved. There's more positive than negative except commitment is a big thing.

Do I date other guys then end it? Or do I end it and then socialize? I'm not from this state so I don't have friends or anything so I'll get lonely fast. I'm so depressed.

Updates:
I needed it 3 days ago, now he wants me back. I don't think I should.
He says he will commit

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Most Helpful Guy

  • The bottom line is you want different things so you're not compatible. Wtf were you thinking? "Give it a try" really means "I don't want to lose my free pussy"

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    • He didn't exactly use those words; I said to him we are not on the same page anymore, I'm ready for something more meaningful I hope you understand" he said "I thought we were on the same page, lately I have been thinking of a more serious relationship, not sure you're looking for that from me, but I'm willing to do it :) and no hard feelings if not" (he has started to want to do more things with me about a month before this so I noticed he actually was

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    • My boyfriend explained this to me. Don't give men rules and guides. They use them to get into your pants. Let s man speak and normally they will tell you what is in their heart if they talk long enough.

    • Sorry didn't mean to post this. Please ignore. I wasn't done writing AND I clicked the wrong box.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Your first mistake was thinking a guy who made it clear he wasn't down for being serious would ever change his mind. I'd say just move on, you're never gonna be satisfied with this guy.

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What Guys Said 11

  • Sounds like he knows how the game is played and is too smart to give someone life destroying power over his future. Kudos to him. Very admirable. Prolly seen the outcome of 'commitment' on other men. We've all seen that. You may have to find another sucker. This one ain't take'n the bait. Put fresh bait on your hook and cast in other streams. Don't worry. There's a new sucker born every day. You need to find a guy that came from a more sheltered upbringing (a fool).

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    • Sorry you had a sucky experience, but not all girls wanna "trap" someone. It's not about that. So negative.

  • He made it clear from the outset that he doesn't commit (although it seems like he does commit, but to more than one girl at a time). You know that you don't want guys who won't settle down with just you. So, you either gotta cut him loose or accept it for what it is.

    If you *do* cut it loose, then you deal with this by not getting into a long-term relationship with someone whose preferences are so different from your own and who isn't willing to change that.

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  • I would say that this is pretty common girl "mistake", to get attached and in love pretty easily, after all, it's not done you can completely control, if at all. But, you need toooo... Simply stop. It will do you more harm than good. It's really nice that you had live with him, I mean in love, even tho the guy clearly didn't deserve it. Yes, he said he didn't not want to get serious and all that, that's fine.. But that sentence should've changed after all that time. It's silly from him to act like that, but it just shows how immaturely he really is. "Wanna be free" AKA Wanna have f**k buddies for the rest of his life.. :)
    Cheers

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  • He is a bitch, dump his ass. He will never man up if he never has to.

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    • If you really care about him, take things slowly, let him prove he will commit. If he can't prove himself, walk away.

  • Get out and meet people, but dump him first. He is not relationship material.

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  • He's probably just too young to want to settle down. I'm the same way.

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  • Move on. He didn't miss-represent things and was honest with you up front.

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    • No, when I started to have feeling 6 months later, I told him that is time for me to leave. He then told me he wants more.

    • It sounds to me like his idea of what was more and yours don't coincide, I still say move on.

  • Sort your feelings first and then go for another relationship.

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  • he want you to commit i think he's a guy who wants a girl to propose him

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    • don't trust him easily give some time unwinding the things which can happen after commit

  • if he can't commit.. leave him

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  • I would suggest that you should move on. if a guy can't commit. he will only give you trouble and emotional stress. and if you make this decision on your own you will not have to face rejection from an a** h*** who can't commit

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What Girls Said 18

  • Leave him! If you wanna get married one day and he don't want to someone else will! I know it's hard finding someone who loves you back but if he can't commit to you, why be with him? try to get a job that socializes you or joins something where you can mingle or a dating site? Get out there you can do it ! Don't depend on him for happinesss or you will never be happy! Love you first and everything will fall into place.

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  • You move on.
    He's continuously told you that he wouldn't commit to one person but you've refused to hear that and it's hurting you. When people tell you what they want and the kind of person that they are; believe them. Don't think you can change them, or that you're so amazing they'll change their mind just to stay with you because it never works out that way.
    If someone can't/won't provide what you want and need from a relationship then they aren't the person to stay with. You've just learnt that the hard and long way.
    Don't date other people while with him, it's clear you're wanting monogamy so the only reason you'd be doing that is to try and make him jealous. Stay true to yourself and retain your self respect by ending the relationship and moving on with honesty

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  • Based on the information that you've provided it seems as though this man may not be the right guy for you. It sounds like this guy is confused and doesn't know what he wants. Just move on. Tell him how you feel and end it right there. Block his number for awhile if you have to. Keep yourself busy to get over the breakup that is the key. Get out there find some activities that you enjoy doing. Talk to friends or family for support. And do not rush into another dating relationship because you'll just be asking for more trouble. Enjoy being single for a little while and focus on YOU. I know It's not going to be easy for a little while but you'll get over it eventually but your still young you have your whole life ahead of you do not waste anymore time with this guy because you'll regret it later. You need to be with someone who shares the same beliefs and values as you do regarding marriage and commitment.

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  • End it before you meet other guys, because it's disrespectful towards him to date others while you're with him.

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    • But he can date other girls... it's not cheating

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    • He hasn't commit to me! He doesn't say I'm his girlfriend.

    • Okay, I understand. Then don't wait around and just end things. It's better to not have him around. In my opinion it is better to be alone than to be with someone who doesn't want to be exclusive with you.

  • He's not ready for commitment, and that's okay. The fact is you are, and thus it seems... incompatible. You aim for something monogamous when he thinks of your relationship more likely.

    For starters, don't talk to us; talk to him about what commitment means to you, and if you're willing to stick by long term and if he's going to. Ask for only honesty, divorce is a painful process to go through.

    If he still doesn't want to commit and you do, then maybe it's time to either be patient, or move on.

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  • If he told you that he doesn't commit in the first place then that was your cue to leave right then. You can't expect him to give you more when he told you how he felt in the first place. Go out and meet someone else who will give you what you want and more.

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  • Well, you have to think of yourself first. If you're ready and want to commit and he doesn't, then I'm sorry but it's time for you to part ways. You're just not compatible, he's clearly not a one woman man and you're completely the opposite. Although it's the only obstacle between you two, it's a big one you can't ignore and probably can't overcome either. I'm sorry but I don't see a bright future between you two, you should break up. It's for the best. I hope it goes well on the long run

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  • Fuck his friends.

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  • End it then socialize. Dating then ending it can be seen as a petty way to make him jealous

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  • You're so young, go out and find a better man than him. SO many dicks, so little time.

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  • So it's been 2 years and you're still seeing other people?

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  • He's been lying to you and taking advantage of you for a year and a half. He is a selfish person. You should leave now and never look back.

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    • I wouldn't marry anyone who thinks he should be able to marry more than one person. Just saying. He sounds really bad.

  • If you want commitment he doesn't this will never work. A person will never change behavior they see nothing wrong with. You will be hurt and he won't understand why.

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  • Just cut him off. Don't talk to him anymore

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  • yes, date others now. don't wait

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  • why are you wasting you're own time

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  • move on.

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  • End it now, I've done what you've done. It's a waste of time.

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