How do you feel about seeing multiple people at the same time before you get exclusive with one?

Like testing the waters so to speak. you have multiple people you are seeing and are not exclusive with any one of them yet but are testing them all out to see if you want to be exclusive with them. This way if one turns you down you aren't too upset about it because you have others lined up to see.

Do you feel this is wrong? should you only see one person at a time even before you are exclusive with them?

Updates:
also does anyone do this?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Coming from me personally when I get to know a guy that is the only guy I talk to I don't need to talk to multiple guys at the same time. And if I believe and feel in my heart he's not the right guy for me I just move on and I will wait and be patient until someone comes along. I don't go fishing and searching. But I have done it before in the past nothing good comes out of it just exhaustion and frustration only difference was I wasn't talking to multiple guys. Sometimes when people feel the need to see multiple people at the same time there is usually a void that they are trying to feel.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is precisely the dating strategy I've adopted. There is nothing unethical about this, either, since exclusivity is not implied at all. That's why we use the term "long-term relationship", in contrast to just saying that you've been going on dates with someone. For the vast majority of human history, people either got married immediately with an expected permanency, or they would court multiple people and choose one afterwards. Since you have no guarantee that you two will like each other or that after months of dating, the other person won't give you a "let's just be friends" talk, then I think this is totally justified. On the other hand, if you're doing this once you've established that you two are a "thing", HELL NO! If you're going to do that, then there *must* be consent both ways (either way, in my opinion, it's not a good idea).

    This is actually called "Plate Theory" on a blog written to describe intergender dynamics. I can't post links, but you can look it up: It's called "The Rational Male", and the plate theory posts can be found under the best of year one collection

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 14

  • Until exclusitivity is discussed and agreed to I was all for dating multiple people, as long as I was honest about it. I don't see the point of cutting off all other prospects until we've decided we want to give a serious relationship a go - it could be a waste of time.

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  • I honestly don't like that much. If you find someone you're interested in then date them and see where it goes. If you don't like them then cut it off and search again. If there's mutiple people then chat to get to know each other that way and see who you may have a connection with.

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    • But then it's too easy to get attached to that one person so that if something goes wrong you can feel like you wasted your time and emotions. Not everyone is that strong emotionally to just move on from that.

    • True, I didn't think about that.

  • I don't think it's a bad thing at all, though I also don't think it's something that I myself would do

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  • I put all of my eggs in one basket. I focus on one person. If it doesn't work out... then it's on to the next. I don't have the time nor energy to juggle multiple people. And there's a line of disrespect. Just how I feel.

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  • I don't think it's wrong at all. I made the mistake of putting all my eggs in one basket before, and ended up alone. As long as you're not exclusive with anyone, you can do whatever you want. But if a guy asks me to be his girlfriend and I'm really into him, I'm not going to see anyone else after that point.

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  • one at a time is enough...

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  • As long as you're honest about it and you don't do anything sexual, I think it's ok.

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  • I've only seen one person at a time.

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  • I feel this will take too much of my time. I will be too caught up with guys and not other things. knowing myself, I won't be happy.

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  • As long as all parties are informed that we are not exclusive I see no problem. When I was dating they knew and also knew I wasn't having sex with anyone. I reserve sex for my serious relationships.

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  • Nothing against it from a moral standpoint. Just can't work for me. My brain only has so much storage space.

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  • I think I get it but I still rather do one at a time

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  • I dont do that, its rude

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  • Good when you're young.

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What Guys Said 11

  • My brother could do this with two or three women and they all knew about each other. The odd thing is they were all OK with it.

    For me, this would bother me. I don't think I could do it. I need time to get over a woman before looking for someone new. And one at a time.

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  • Great. Do it. I highly recommend it. Because you aren't putting all your eggs in one basket.
    But this is to say after a few dates you know. This isn't date 3 people for 3 or 4 months and then decide, that's ridiculous. Just dont let it go paat the talking phase. If you can't make a decision after feeling out a person a few times, maybe you shouldn't be dating.

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  • For me dating is about finding that one person. If I just so happen to find her right away, then so be it. I don't feel like there's some written rule that I just have to date multiple people before settling down.

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  • I've never really done that. It's too much complication for my taste and you only have so much time anyway.

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  • It feels wrong to me - If I am meeting one person, I will stay exclusive with her until we see what way it pans out.

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  • Not only is it a good idea, it's a requirement. Putting all your hopes into one person is a bad idea. Better to be seeing several girls so that you don't get too invested in any one of them.

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  • Feel good about it

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  • It feels good when you're still young

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  • no that's not cool

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  • I don't like testing the water, the waters turn hostile quickly.

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  • If each person knows then it's cool, I feel it becomes a problem when you try to make someone believe their the only one.

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