How many of you have talked TO or WITH dark skinned Black women about their issues in the dating world instead of AT them (cont. in details)?

I ask these questions because people always talk about and at black women, but never to or with us without being overly critical or douche about it. Since it seems people always have something to say why say something that helps instead of tears a group of women down for once. (Recently came across a GaGer with some dumb mess to say.)

What did they tell you about their experiences?


What have you learned?

Did you give advice in a friendly way?

What was that advice?


What could a dark skinned Black woman do to improve her position in the dating world?

What could she wear that you think would make her look amazing in your eyes?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I haven't but I've read a bunch of experiences online. I try to do my best to keep as up to date and understanding about social issues as I can. I feel like it's best for humanity to try to understand each other and most of us have access to the internet so it's easier than ever before. There's no excuse for ignorance nowadays. There was a time that people could claim not to know better but I buy that less and less as time goes on.

    One of the major issues I've discovered from doing research is how pervasive colorism is around the world. Beauty standards don't favor dark skin especially as a result of colonization. Another problem is black women aren't painted in a good light throughout the media and entertainment. They paint the picture of having an attitude or being difficult to deal with when in reality everyone is an individual with individual personalities. The problem with this is that it kind of makes it so if you defend yourself you're immediately seen as having an attitude so you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

    There's also the problem that if you find a guy who is interested he might treat black women like a fetish and dehumanize her. There's an extra layer of screening involved in order to protect yourself.

    This is why the women that don't fit into eurocentric beauty standards who can still look in the mirror and think they're beautiful are all the more admirable to me. I think there's an added layer of strength there because the world of beauty isn't kind to women to begin with.

    That's all I really have to say. I saw the exchange you had with someone who seemed pretty misguided so I had all of this in my mind and I'm glad you gave me a place to spew it all out.

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    • I swear this is why I I've always though you were an amazing dude. You're quite understanding of peoples issues weather they're apart of your race or not.

    • I really appreciate that. I just think if people took the time to try to understand each other the world would be a better and more loving place.

      And I'm all about spreading the love to everyone lol

    • Thanks for MH! :)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 19

  • Honestly, I've never talked with a black woman about dating. I've talked with young black women plenty, but dating just ain't never come up. Honestly, I just don't find most black women attractive, the really frizzy hair that I generally see in these alternative styles, as well as the broader, flatter noses and really plump lips that are typical of the black women I've known in person just aren't my preference. Not their fault, but ain't a whole lot can be done. The best thing a black woman could do to be attractive to me would be to have a good heart and mind, to be an interesting person, and to not make such a big deal of the African part of African American.

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  • I had a good friend who is a black woman. We lost touch about 20 years ago which saddens me because she was wonderful. She didn't need my dating advice - she was screaming hot - and, Lord knows, I would have been happy to be her boyfriend. She knew that, but she was already dating 2 other guys (1 white).

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  • I don't live nearby black people.

    OP, what are the dating issues? Are the dark skinned black men leaving the areas and abandoning them?

    I know in a lot of rural areas, there is a problem where the women leave to live in the city and all the men get left behind to do the blue collar work. Is it sorta similar to that?

    To sorta answer your last questions, I like when black women wear their naturally curly hair. Straightening it will never be as attractive. The curly hair is absolutely cute.

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  • I've never seen what you are describing The only thing I keep seeing about black women, is that they think us white guys don't like them or find them attractive. When a lot of us do.

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    • You'd be surprised about how much anti-black female rhetoric we receive as "advice". People will say things like in order for us to even have a chance of competing with average women of other races we'd have to look like a perfect 10/10 in black girl standards (and that's without make up), natural hair with no fun colors, slender with long legs, big ass, big boobs, an hour glass figure, with perfect 1950's house wife manners, whose good in bed but you can't have had sex with more than one person before to prove you're not a hoe, you can't be opinionated, you must have at least 6 degree's to prove how educated you are, you have to have a voice as quiet as a mouse even if you're happy because too loud = ghetto, you have to work out at least 4-5 times a week because if you don't you're automatically one of those fat black girls, you have to have a "normal" sounding name, if you're dark skinned you can't be too dark because it's "masculine" (even though we can't help how dark we were born)

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    • Wow... that's sad. There are a lot of attractive black women out there. Dark skinned and lighter.

    • Asker, you have hit the nail on the head. As a shy/introverted attractive blk virgin with a degree, I approve of this message.

  • I have never had a conversation with a black woman about her dating issues mainly because I don't have any close female black friends. And I would never tell a female what she needs to do to be better at dating/relationships if I don't know her well because that's kind of disrespectful. Unless she asks, I don't think it's my business.

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  • I would love to but I rarely meet one directly.

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    • It doesn't have to be in person. Finding a pen pal or talking online is good too.

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    • Really? I've come across black girls who said they live in Australia, but they tell me they live in places like Sidney or Melbourne. o:

    • Yeah but we have in Sydney little communities of ethnicities. for example Asians and whites tend to live north, middle easterns and Asians at the inner west etc.

  • I haven't really talked to or with black women concerning dating, but I would love to. I find culture fascinating and would love to hear black women speak on those issues.

    I agree with a few guys that black women should be concerned with general dating stuff, like ensuring you're generally polite and clean. I also personally like curly hair. But aside from that, if you have thoughts, I would love to hear them!

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  • Almost everything that makes a dark-skinned woman look more or less attractive, is the same as holds true for any other woman. Stay fit, eat well, be well-groomed, be friendly.

    Generally woman don't approach me in RL for dating advice.

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  • Black women aren't my type (neither are chinese korean veitnamese women) i've never met a black woman i've had feelings for so i've never really been in a position to discuss.

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    • A person doesn't have to be your type in order for you to exchange dating advice with them.

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    • But a woman even if she's black knows about women's views so exchanging dating tips would be beneficial to you still.

    • True it's not that I wouldn't but if I had a choice between the type of girl I and don't i'd have to go with herrrrrrrrrrr... Then again... 🤔 you girls tend to be very clueless about yourselves you don't really have much intuition especially love wise so maybe a girl who know another girl is better at knowing about her then herself hmmmmmmm 🤔

  • I had a black friend and we discussed her dating issues. I told her she had more taste in men and was a bit of an idiot, she told me she doesn't care and she'll keep trying till she strikes gold. (I'm paraphrasing)

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  • I did not know 'black girls' have a hard time dating.
    What are those issues 'Black woman' face in the dating world?

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  • Most of the women I have dated are dark skinned "Black" women. And I am a sucker for a pretty voice.

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  • I have

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  • I don't know the issues enough to speak on them.

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    • Talk to a black woman and discuss them.

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    • It's not rude when us black girls (especially us dark skinned black girls) notice a pattern when it comes to people commenting on us because of our skin in the dating world. I'm not the only black girl who see's these things. There's thousands of us noticing this.

    • I don't know man. I find every complexion pretty.. maybe the dark skinned girls you're talking about have low self esteem which is unattractive. no one is gonna like you more than you

  • Online yes. In person I don't talk to women of any complexion about their dating life too often!!!

    There are lots of dark sinned women I've been attracted to. But they haven't been different in any significant way from any other women I've been attracted to.

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  • They're not my problem or responsibility

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  • I have never had the opportunity or the desire to talk WITH black women about that because they have always been defensive and bitchy to me. They give off a vibe that is unpleasant, so I have seen no reason to.

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    • When you were speaking were you talking at them or to/with them because there is a difference. We don't get defensive without a reason.

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    • It's human nature to be more warm and friendly toward people who are warm and friendly toward you. That is true regardless of race. I'm not racist... but I do treat others according to how they treat me... like everyone else does.

    • I treat everyone the same. Not everyone treats me the same. Some say that I'm the problem with today's society; that I somehow deprived them of something. That because of my skin color, I'm somehow privileges and should give my house to a person of color, simply because I'm white. To me, that sounds just as racist as the Jim Crow Laws were, around 5 or 6 decades back. I don't really care - I don't live my life for anyone else. I live my life for me. I work hard for everything I have and don't apologize to anyone for my personal achievements or accomplishments.

      I haven't really had any trouble with anyone, of any color, but seemingly some of them have problems with me. Again, I don't really give a crap - not as long as they keep demonizing an entire group, just because of skin color. Wasn't that what they say "we" did wrong?

  • None because firstly it doesn't effect me based on who they date, secondly most of them just understand that some people like different things every ones different. So they move on until they find someone who likes them back, easy.

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  • This seems more of an American thing.
    I'm from the Caribbean region and dark skinned black women don't really have problems when it comes to dating. People here don't really care much about skin colour.

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What Girls Said 6

  • One dark skinned young lady I know... she is lovely inside and out. She just wants to find love. I told her just be herself.

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  • A dark skinned black woman doesn't have to do anything to improve herself just do you and be yourself girl! i'm dark skinned myself and get compliments about the way i look.. it doesn't matter the skintone we have everyone can find love or date...

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  • I have. I have 2 very close AAF friend since college. And I've talked to both of them about this a lot of times. One of them had a lot of experience with multiple guys. She goes out there. And she's dated different races. Her last one was white male. My other friend is introverted when it comes to guys and is really conscious about her weight and is always coming with new diet plans. Whenever I ask about men or what her opinion is, she thinks that black women are least desired by white, Asian, and even blacks themselves. so she was upset... but at the same time, she always tells me she's not interested in dating so I don't know... She finds men cute and will search them up on fb but doesn't want to take any initiative.

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  • Yes I have. And for your follow up questions that personal to her. It's not my place to share.

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  • I think no matter what the world will still be prejudice towards black women regardless of how attractive, sweet and educated she can be. Nothing beats loving yourself :)

    -black female

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  • Im from a poor rural background, and one of my best friends at work was a dark skinned black woman until she moved away. We just talked about dating, period. The only thing that was all that much different for us was our hair.

    The advice I ever gave her was to not change her life plans for a particular wishy washy guy she liked. She gave me advice that I needed to get out more to meet someone.

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    • Why was she trying to change her life plans for a dude?

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    • I'm glad things have worked out for her. I hope this guy is a lot better than her ex.

    • She seems happy.

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