Will this help him or hurt him...?

There's this guy that I've been dating for a month and he recently told me that he still has feelings for his ex girlfriend; The only girl whom he's been in love with. I wasn't angry when he told me, but it changed something inside of me. Even though he mentioned that he was looking for something serious, I can't help but feel like a rebound chick. Is he using me to get over her? Probably. Last night, before we hung up the phone, he said, "Wuv you." I shrugged it off, but he said it again and then added "That's our thing, wuv you." Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I said it back. Amazingly enough, it changed the way I wanted to be with him. He possibly can't mean all of these things ("There's just something about you", "I love being with you", etc.) Is it bad that I want to help him get over his ex without wanting to get attached to him? Will this help him, hurt him, or hurt me?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I know it will hurt him. It did me when a girl did that to me after I got divorced. Me and that girl no longer speak to one another. It ended up causing a fight. Although.

    Honestly it sounds to me like this guy is in the same boat I'm in. He really might love you. That could very well be true! But. Somewhere deep down he wishes that, that ex of his could just be right for him because he felt something for her he's never quite felt before. It was a different kind of love with her, it was an Admiration type of love, or even an adoration, he adored her, and she hurt him. She either cheated, left him, treated him poorly, but he can't help remembering those good times/admiration he once had for her because she used to be his dream girl, and treat him so right. Although sometimes us guys when we truly fall for a girl forget the horrible things they've done for us. Are you a rebound? Yes, and NO. Yes he needs you, he needs you as an emotional wall for him. He's showing you his weakness/sweet emotional side he obviously TRUSTS you. We don't just do that stuff with any girl. Yes he truly does love you. He just wants you to show him some good times too, to go out with him and form new memories, to help him forget her, by this I don't mean as a rebound, I mean as a form new memories together as you fall for one another. He wants to give you his hole heart and for him to do that, he's showing you and told you, he has to forget her. So show him the way, help him move on and forget her, and have fun together; have great times that you'll never forget, do things you've always wanted to do together. Let's not forget my parting words of GOOD luck looks like you've got yourself a b/f. ;)

    Best of luck hope this works out for you.


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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 3

  • I think it is possible to mean those things, I mean before you were dating him did you like just ONE guy? You might have, but you know it's possible to like more than one person and not be able to decide. I think the best thing for you two to do is seperate and get back together when he's confident he's over his ex. Obviously he still has some things to work out before he's officially on the market. It's not fair to you or him to be in a relationship when he's not able to give and you're not able to have, his whole heart. At least he was honest enough with you to tell you in the first place though!

    • Okay, what if he called me and told me that his ex text him but he told her to stop, that he met someone and he wasn't going to f*** it up... is that a good or bad thing? Can I still give him a chance and believe that he may actually be able to give me what I need, or should I still give him space and leave him alone?

    • I think you should give him space, his ex is obviously not over him, and he is not over his ex, and you being in the middle just spells drama. Find somebody who has his s**t together and can have a responsible, stable relationship. He's not a bad person for not being over his ex, and you're not a bad person if you leave him for something more sure. It is what it is and all you can do is take it for that.

  • The only reason you felt a connection is because you two did something that only is between

    the two of you. You were not hurt at all to begin with because you want to be strong and rely

    on a mature honesty level. I also think that you need to move on, forget this guy, don't let

    him be a player to you, because more than likely(99.9%)that is what will happen. If you two

    get together later on clean ground, then continue the ritual. Good Luck!

  • I went through this with my ex boyfriend. Although he didn't have feelings for his ex. He was just looking for a way to get over being heart broken and I was the one that helped him.

    At first I didn't want to fall for him, but in the end I eventually did. He broke my heart by cheating on me. Somehow you might end up having feelings fort him. Its good that you want to help him, because that means your a good person. But in the end one of you will end up being hurt and to me it seems you might be the one who can get hurt.

    Im just talking from exprience, hope it helps somehow :)