I'm having an affair and I need advice...

I've been with my husband for 9 years (married for 3 years).

I've been having an affair with my close friend for a few months. I've known him for about 10 years, we've always had a flirty relationship but for one reason or another we never dated.

Now I think I'm starting to really fall for him. But I love my husband, he's a good man, and a great father, and I don't want to throw away our relationship. I also don't want to throw away my friendship with the other guy out the window. What should I do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • end it, its not fair to him or you, and when he finds out he will never ever trust you again. guys cheat to get off, women cheat because they felt that they weren't getting enough emotional etc from home, much worse


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Can you answer this question and I am not being critical. Why are you having the affair in the first place? I am trying to understand what motivates married women to have affairs.

    Is your husband lame in bed? Does your husband not give you enough attention? Does your husband not say "I love you enough?" Does your husband not accompany you when doing activities that you enjoy? Does your husband not cuddle with you at night? Does your husband just watch TV and ignore you? Do you get in arguments with your husband over little things that are really not worth arguing over? Does your husband not help pay his share of the bills? Can your husband give you good sex and make you orgasm (most of the time anyway)? Does your husband not help you with household chores? In general is your husband a good husband and a good lover?

    Does the man who you are having an affair with have something that you are missing in your marriage? Is this other man very interesting and exciting to talk to? Does this other man make you laugh, whereas your husband does not? Does this other man have something that you need that your husband does not have such as charm, conversation skills, a sense of adventure, spontaneity, or just plain good sex? Does this other man compliment you and make you feel like a woman and make you feel beautiful, whereas your husband doesn't say a damn thing?

    There must be something missing in your marriage for you to have an affair in the first place right? You cannot be so selfish to cheat on a good husband who is actually good to you and shows it can you? Should your husband be surprised that his wife is cheating on him because he is not treating his wife as a good husband should?

    I have this strong suspicion that a large number of men who get cheated on deserve it and had it coming. Is your husband an example of this? Or does your husband not deserve it at all?

    • When I say he's a good husband I mean that he is a hard worker and provides for our family.

      We rarely hang out and when we are together he just wants to watch tv or play video games. We rarely have sex.

      The man I'm having the affair with has always been my friend, we get along, have common interests, and laugh together.

      As unhappy as I am, I know what I'm doing is wrong, and don't feel my husband deserves it. With that said, I don't want to lose my friend either, I need him in my life.

    • If your husband gave you a good time in bed often, talked to you, made you laugh, and got along with you, would you have the affair anyway? If that were the case and your husband was your best friend, would you never even think about cheating on him?

  • You don't want to throw away your relationship? You threw away your relationship when you opened your legs to another man.


What Girls Said 2

  • Well first of all let me say you shouldnt have made a relationship with you closest friend because if the relationship doesn't work then that ur friendship down the drain and you don't want that.Just been thinkin why did you start cheatin in the first place you said he's a good husband and most of all good to the kids that all you need you need to just keep that relationship with ur husband and don't end that relationship to her close friend

    • My husband is never home, and although he is a great man, he never pays me any attention. He would rather be out with his friends or playing video games than hanging out with me. I've tried talking to me many times but he didn't change, and I guess my friend was just there for me.

  • Stop the affair and end all contact if you really want your marriage to work and you kind of owe it to your husband and kid. Tell your husband the truth, give him time to vent, and see a counselor. It's really your husband's call now. Good luck