What are your thoughts on keeping someone as a "back up", while you're dating around?

What are your thoughts on keeping someone as a "back up", while you date around in order to keep your options open?

What are your thoughts on keeping someone as a "back up", while you're  dating  around ?


0|0

Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm against it.

    I won't judge others who perform this. But i am personally so against it. I would not do it to anyone and i would be somehow turned off and feel upset if someone done this to me.

    According to my values and principles; i believe when i am dating someone; i must dedicate my full time and focus to the girl i am seeing at the moment. For me it's respecting the boundaries and valuing her present. I can not and i ever won't see people as an opportunity or option. She is not a tool nor objective to me either. If i accept to see someone is because i am interested in them, it's because i want to know them and that willingness fuels by a passion. It's because i am trying to take my chances to establish a relationship with the girl i am dating. I can't like several people at once. my heart is not a garage that everyone fits in.

    It's somehow a confusion state. If i like that backup, why he is a back up from the first place? if i like the one i am dating/seeing, what is the backup then? i find it disrespectful. I guess it's the best if we make our mind. If you like someone or have someone then be it, if you're single, then date. I don't believe in a stage of somehow single. People are not shirts that you mark a brand in a store then say; we'll go check other stores, if we didn't find something better we'll get back and purchase this one. People are much more than that. Our values are higher and we deserve to be treated by respect and dignity.

    Good Luck.

    2|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • I've bee non the receiving end and I didn't like it. Especially as we had history. I made it clear that I didn't want to be apart of this and if he wanted to continue sleeping with me it's me or nothing. I wasn't going to be upset if he chose dating someone else but I just didn't want to be messed around.
    It's one thing to have a few people you're seeing but when you start sleeping with one in the hope to keep them for just incase it's cruel. (Unless agreed)

    1|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 18

  • A big mistake. If that person's not good enough for you and your looking for better then he's not going to ever be good enough in a relationship. Then you have to try and keep his attention as he maybe keeping you as a back up looking for better. I can't understand people espicially women just wanting to be in relationships short term while looking for someone else.
    The basic tactic is to keep a guy around as a boyfriend or backup for birthdays, weddenings, holidays, Christmas, Easter and valentines day and then dump while dating another guy. There's usually some overlap time between dating the new guy and the old guy of about 2 weeks to 2 months. Of course they claim it's not cheating because the old relationship was dead but it is cheating.
    Guys if a girl keeps you as a backup guy while dating other guys dump her, if a girl your saying has a backup guy dump her as you can never trust or get serious with a girl like this.

    0|2
    0|0
  • Depends, are we talking friendzone backup, or freindzone with benefits backup?

    1|0
    0|0
  • This reminds me of what my buddy told me about one day. He's majoring in cultural anthropology and studies things like this. 100% percent of women do this either concisely of subconsciously. And I find it difficult to take relationships seriously because of this. I don't see the point. So my thoughts are dating isn't serious. Neither is any form of relationship.

    1|0
    1|0
    • Wow, some guy said so, so it must be true? Really?

    • Yeah, a guy who's /studies/ this field. It's not just some random shithead that works at the gas station

  • This is shitty. If I ever suspected I was a Plan B, I'd ghost her so fast.
    It would be my right to do this.

    2|1
    0|0
  • Hm... I wouldn't mind being a back, but unless they commit then I'm also free to do what I want. I'm not waiting around.

    2|0
    0|0
  • It's a terrible way to treat another human being.

    2|0
    0|0
  • Really? It was me as the back up? It's not a nice thing to do unless he knows he's the backup. If not and he finds out, good chance he'll tell you how he feels when he finds out.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Its ridiculous. To keep someones feelings on hold while you play the field is wrong.

    3|0
    0|0
  • My very recent ex had multiple. Does any fucking body know the meaning of the word monogamy? You will never dedicate yourself to a relationship as long as you have somebody to fall back on you will never depend on the person you're with for anything as long as you got some guy waiting in the wings for your relationship to fail

    1|1
    0|0
  • "Backup plan" = nice way to say "person who'll get strung along and feel like shit"

    2|0
    0|0
  • Shitty thing to do

    2|0
    0|0
  • i wouldn't accept it

    2|0
    0|0
  • Sooos disrespectful

    2|0
    0|0
  • this only works for women cause most are after money anyways so looks and personality dont mean a lot if the guy is rich... for guys? not really a good idea , if you're really that good then you will never be plan B.

    why would i have plan B? if she's really that good she will be my plan A plan B means i dont like certain things about her so why would i marry her eventually? doesn't make sense.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Unless you both back ups dont. Or else you gona have a shit storm and a really painful brake up.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Semper paratus

    0|0
    0|0
  • I sort of tried this during the summer but it didn't really work out and girl ended up getting annoyed with me , no one wants to be the second choice

    2|0
    0|0
  • I've done it before so I see nothing wrong with it

    1|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 13

  • Disgusting, and a very clear sign both people are wrong for you. You're just using both of them.

    4|3
    0|0
  • I think it's kind of sad and unfair to the person being used as a "back up." I know I wouldn't want to be in that situation and I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that to someone else either.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I think dating around until you've decided to be official with one person is fine but if you know someone isn't for you, set them free

    2|1
    0|0
  • It's nice to have someone to hang out with but it's not nice to string people along

    5|0
    0|0
  • I think its wrong but everyone does it nowdays, so those backups would have other back ups as well.. just a horrendous cycle of back ups and crushed self esteem

    1|0
    0|0
  • Only desperate people would feel the need to have a back up. It's not healthy to be that desperate

    1|1
    0|0
  • Yes absoutletly I totally agree on a back up plan because let say you went out with a guy and say he acts friendly ok then you guys, are done and it is night time there is no one around so he decides to hurt you in some sort of a way but if you have a back up plan then yes you would know exactly what to do but if you do not then that is really not good
    So yes I totally agree 😀

    1|0
    0|1
  • It's really fucked up and I would personally never do it.

    For me, my ambitions and goals come first. Romance is the backup plan. I don't need to have a revolving door of romances to feel like my options are open when I have so many educational/career options to keep my life lively.

    2|1
    0|0
  • It's cruel and mean.

    1|0
    0|0
  • People that are TRULY monogamous don't.. it's the attention seeking kind that do.

    1|1
    0|0
  • It's realistic, but wrong

    1|0
    0|0
  • It's awful and disrespectful

    1|0
    0|0
  • A guy I liked somewhat told me he wouldn't mind if we were both each others back up plan but I told him off because I don't want to be anyone's second choice.

    2|1
    0|0
Loading...