Why don't I attract decent guys?

I've attracted way too many fuckboys than I am comfortable with, and I don't know why. I'm not a girl who puts out; I'm shy, naive, a bit awkward, so on. Granted, my innocence has led to some... uncomfortable situations... but everyone seems to take my shy friendliness as "Hey, I'm down to fuck!" Why is that? I'm not being flirtatious, I'm not looking for sex... I just want a kind, friendly, funny guy who respects my boundaries and doesn't ditch me the second he finds out I'm not into flings/hookups, or tries to push me into situations that I had no intention of dealing with. Why don't the good guys approach me? Why do I only seem to attract fuckboys?

Add-On: I'm not a bad person, either. I've been told that I'm nice, sweet, the type of girl guys really want, etc. What is going on?

Updates:
To those who say I should approach guys first, that it'll be better and work out: In my experience, I've approached a few guys (only a couple ever showed interest in me beforehand) I was interested in. It never ended well. They often either friend-zoned me, turned me down, or lost interest. One even said that my immediate interest was what made him lose interest, like the thrill of working hard to earn my affection was gone. So what am I supposed to do then?
Also, just to elaborate: I'm not a terrible person. I'm rather attractive (as having been told by some of my friends, including straight males), I have a nice personality, and I'm easy to get along with. People typically enjoy dealing with me, so I don't get what the problem is.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well it sounds like you're actually the good girl that's hard to find these days. Note that [most] of their dating, fuckable prime will only ever permit alphas to court with them, putting it modestly. As such, they're quite used to having their way with ditzy "princesses" blinded in their largely superficial pursuit to change the unchangeable, leaving us, the overlooked 80 % or so remaining, to make peace with rejection and porn. From this perspective analysis, maybe it would be worth finally giving the shy, quiet guy not really trying a go on your next social outing, and not so much so your typical, "Oh my God, he's so charming and has everything together, (or so it seems)," type. Basically, whatever you've been doing/ have been searching at, either try again, or perhaps the opposite reserving judgement until after you truly know the person.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Try looking elsewhere, there's LOTS of good guys out there they just may be hiding hehe. Don't worry, you'll find someone. :)

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    • Hey, don't blow our cover D:
      We're hiding after all!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 33

  • This is my theory ok.

    Starting at like... age 13, young girls automatically like all the best looking boys in school. Those boys, learn how to deal with girls early. They become fuckboys because they know how to be confident and use it to get sex from girls.

    Now any boys who maybe weren't attractive at 13, but let's say became hot as adults, grew up rejected by girls. Now these guys are great guys. But they are more shy than fuckboys, because they did not learn to deal with females at a young age like fuckboys. So all the good guys are now too shy and scared to approach girls they like.

    So a girl like you feels like she only attracts fuckboys. It's not true, but due to the way males grow up, we have different time lines of when we grow our confidence. A lot of great guys wait till they are 30 to realize their potential. It's unfortunate for girls because all you have to choose from till then is fuckboys. But y'all kind of created them anyways.

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    • Other than that, you can change where you meet guys. Engage in activities besides bars and clubs. Great guys are everywhere, but we don't waste our time in bars and clubs. That's where fuckboys rule, who learned the tricks and buttons to push to make you more attracted to them even though they are fake. Find some local events, and unique activities to take part in. You'll find great dudes all over. Just don't expect them to have fuckboys level skills with women. Those skills are fake, they are not genuine, just like men are tricked by fake tits and ass. Y'all are tricked by cleverly designed fuckboys "confidence"

  • Drop all notions you have of men needing to approach you, and start doing the approaching yourself. "Fuckboys" are often confident in themselves and/or desperate enough to give it a shot with strange women whereas the decent guys will typically respect your space and privacy while in public. After all, you said in your post that you wanted a guy who respects your boundaries so strike a conversation with the men who are.

    Confidence and courage are not inherently male traits, there are many guys out there who are shy and awkward as well. Sometimes a girl has to make the first move to build up his confidence so that he'll take the initiative next time and from then on.

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  • All girls attract 'fuckboys', and way more than they do decent folk. You'd have better luck approaching guys yourself.

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  • I mean... the people that are most going to approach you aren't doing so based on what YOU are looking for. A lot of the more confident men are going to use that trait to try to get laid.

    You can't really filter out who approaches you in any meaningful way, thus if you truly care about the guys you want to interact with being more up your alley, it's probably going to mean that you have to approach them yourself.

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  • I'm sorry about your situation, but I can't guess the real reason of it. I can only give my beliefs about it:
    - Maybe you aren't such an attractive woman that can compete with most woman. I'm sorry if this is your problem, but if yes you should guess what you can offer to men you're going to meet and try to highlight it.
    - Maybe you don't give guys an impression that you want to be more than their friends. If men are not quite sure that they can flirt with you, they won't try do it, so you won't attract them.

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  • Probably this not the right time for.
    Just wait and hold your emotions.
    You won't find love if you try to find it.
    Love comes in the most unexpected way.
    So just wait ☺

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  • I was talking with my girlfriend a few days ago who expressed a similar sentiment. She is 20, and I am older than her mother. She said that is why she only dates older men now. She has had enough of the foolish games and fboys of her age.

    If you are getting the wrong guys, you are looking in the wrong place.

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  • Maybe you are looking in the wrong places? I know a lot of guys who will wait at church. Look there?

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  • You will rarely be approached by the kind of guy you're looking for. Most of us good guys don't have a lot of experience with women, and is hard for them to approach a girl. Seems like a lot of women want the 'bad boy' type at a younger age, which leaves the decent ones lacking experience. Not to say all outgoing alpha males are fuckboys, but it might be a long time before you get approached by a good one. I'd say go after the guys you find attractive, and you might have better luck. Yes it's scary to approach random guys, it's just as hard for guys to approach random girls. So you can either wait, and see how many guys you have to deal with before being approached by the right guy, or you can go after what you want, and see how that works out for you.

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    • That's the name of the game babe. How do you think it works for us? The same things happen to us as well.
      There are guys out there that for whatever reason are stuck in the stone age. I personally love it when I'm approached by women. (As long as you don't send a friend over for you). But it doesn't sound like these guys you have approached turned out to be fuckboys am I correct? You just have to keep at it. Us guys shouldn't be the only ones to have to deal with rejection, and being friend zoned and all that fun stuff. We want gender equality. Embrace it fully, you can't pick and choose what you want to be equal in.

  • Maybe be a little more cautious and avoid awkward situations until you are sure he is a good guy.

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  • You don't only attract them, you just make the same mistake over and over in that you reject the genuine guys and take the fuckboy, unaware of it

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    • Okay, listen. I can count the number of guys who have approached me on two hands (fuckboys and normal guys alike). Most of them are fuckboys, and I'm aware of this when they try to move too quickly and get me into bed after knowing them a few days, a day, or even less. I haven't had the chance to meet a genuine guy, much less reject one. The one or two "nice" guys (I wouldn't quite call them nice, but they're not fuckboys, just not the best people) I expressed interest in wanted little or nothing to do with me. So while yeah, I believe some women don't want nice guys and reject genuine good guys and complain about it, that's not my problem. I'm not approached, and on the occasions when I am, it's usually by guys who just want a quick screw. I appreciate sincerity and goodness in guys, and never have I taken a fuckboy ever--the very thought creeps me out.

    • Key words: Most of them, one or two, (normal guys). It's obvious that guys who aren't fuckboys are approaching you but you're either rejecting them or judging them too soon and then you think they're a fuckboy because they stop pursuing you after that.

    • Um, not quite. I added in a little update (hard to write much w/500 characters) that I've approached a few guys in my time and typically ended up rejected. I don't know what I said that suggests to you that I judge people too quickly or label them a fuckboy. I will consider someone a fuckboy if they try to make moves on me without a particularly short span of time, and I know for a fact I'm not the only girl who thinks this way. Thing is, most of the guys (read: the ones who haven't suddenly rejected me after I reciprocated their interest) who approach me make it clear they want to fuck me after knowing me a short time. The other percentage, again, seem to lose whatever interest they had when I start reciprocating within a short span of time (it's not like I'm playing hard to get).

  • The problem is that they're not approaching you. The problem is you know what you want, but don't pursue it.

    Stop waiting for the good guy to approach you, and start taking some action.

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  • Good guys don't approach. Rather than waiting for them to come to you, go to them.

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  • If you are shy yourself, a shy guy, who would have a hard time asking women out in general, will have an even harder time asking you out. Try to get loose a little.

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  • I dunno.. where are you meeting these people?

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    • College, youth group events... typical places where, though I can expect to find terrible people, I would also hope to find nice ones, too.

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    • I mean, I've tried approaching one or two guys in my time, but it's never ended well. Apparently the whole, "once a guy knows you're interested, he loses interest in you" thing is legit, because that's been my experience with approaching the few guys I'm interested in. Also, personally, I find guys approaching first as a (for lack of a better term), turn on. It shows confidence, and as a shy girl, makes it a bit easier to engage with the guy, since he's making it more obvious that he's into me.

    • That's weird but if you feel better being approached that's on you but there's no real way to help you since being approached by certain guys is not something you can control

  • Well, you do some approaching then, fuck boys will be fuck boys, it's good you can spot them, it means you know what you're looking for, you just gotta approach and put yourself out there

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  • When a girl that sleeps with a bunch of guys, sleeps with you (male in this case). It isn't very meaningfull. And the girl usually doesn't plan on sticking around. When a guy see's a shy girl, it is a total change in mindset because you are more likely to like them/stay with them, than another girl who sleeps around

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    • Okay, I can see how that makes sense. But if that's the case, then why do they try and push me into having sex with them? It gets old, and once I show that I'm not interested they move on. If they really want someone to stick around, that doesn't seem like the way to go.

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    • Okay, that makes more sense. Thanks for the take! :)

    • 😄😄😄😄

  • be true to yourself.

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  • That sounds like me with the wanting to get to know someone without all the sex. But I'm happily single and only interested in making friends.

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  • Most good guys are shy. Dont have the balls...

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  • Why are you blaming the "fuckboys" for you wanting them?

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    • Uh... what? I never said I wanted them. If anything, I don't want them. I think you misread my post.

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    • Correction, sir: my interactions with guys have led to "uncomfortable situations." No one's talked me into anything. Often times my friendliness is misinterpreted as "Hey, wanna fuck?", as stated before. This happened a lot more when I was younger, when some older guys figured they might try getting over on a girl who was a bit too oblivious to understand their true motives. I luckily had friends to get me out of such instances, and have since become less oblivious and a better judge of character. My interactions with guys is not a result of me wanting anything. I make it very clear to guys that I am not into hookups, which is often why most of them ditch me not longer after.

    • Very well. It would seem that I have prejudged you. That's my bad and I apologise.

      As for your question. Fuckboy types are typically drawn to sweet girls like yourself, you're correct about that. But what type are you actually looking for?

  • Unfortunately thats how most guys just are. Its not you at all. Maby try geting to know people who arnt making an effort to talk to you.

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    • Kinda retarded answer. If someones not trying to talk to you why would you take an interest in them? Lmao

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    • Hahah is this one of those "nice guys doesn't only want sex" things cus I think that was proven to be wrong years ago. Just because you're silent doesn't mean your any different from "fuckboys". Or well, the only difference is that you're just less noisy.

    • Just from experience man. Everyones diffrent right

  • because they dont generally aproach girls and when they do they have. no clue what to say

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  • tbh assholes are more forward than decent people. so maybe there one out there and feeling shy

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  • Most guys will ditch you if you don't have sex by the 3rd or 4th date so...

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  • Let the right guy find you

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  • People are assholes, change your social circle until it suits you, the world is full of people

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  • You ain't attracted to nice guys.. history keeps repeating itself

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  • Approach guys yourself. I get that it hasn't worked for you and it doesn't matter. Of course you're going to get rejected, it's completely normal and expected when on the approach, so it's not really an excuse is it? If a guy says girls are always rejecting him when he approaches you would accept that as an excuse for not approaching, so turning around and using the same excuse isn't going to cut it.

    Guys who approach are statistically more likely to be jerks, that's just utterly basic. Let's frame your question differently and see how reasonable it sounds: Why don't the guys I want to talk to me come talk to me? Do you see how silly that sounds? They don't know you want them to, and they wouldn't know that to say, so you're expecting to make little or no effort and have the guys you want to approach you fall into your lap? Are you see how big an ask this is yet?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agkpi8q7ASM

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    • you wouldn't accept*

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What Girls Said 5

  • It's because your shy, good guys don't really approach girls, you need to approach them. Fuck boys approach girls all the time and know how to talk to them

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    • Pretty accurate 👌

    • That's so true! Since the shy guys don't have much if any luck with women, they'd think twice taking the chances with dating someone. The odds are in your favor in those regards.

  • Because a more shy guy probably won’t approach you. Fuck boys are very out there and approach any decently attractive woman.

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  • I'm having the same problem

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  • it is your heart

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  • It's you. You need to be the person you want

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    • ... what? How is it me? I'm the type of person I want--nice, friendly, caring... the opposite of the guys I'm attracting. What is your point?

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