What makes a girl a friends with benifits situation instead of girlfriend material?

I've seen more than a few questions asked recently about girls wanting to be seen as more than sex.
So aside from the obvious, sex right off the bat, what in your mind makes a girl worth dating rather than just screwing?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Good question Ill do my best to get it right.

    1) Never give up sex sooner then two months, it forces the men to see you as valuable and we like someone who doesn't just give it away.
    2) Don't use sexual innuendos to attract us because it will make us think we can do the same and ultimately trying to get you in bed sooner.
    3) Your personality type changes how we see you. I like girls who are full of smiles and giggle, focus on life and fun. The ones who like to pound drinks, smoke, talk dirty, or full of drama we won't want to date you.
    4) We aren't attracted enough to you. I've met plenty of girls who were cool but something about them wasn't so attractive, based on my own preferences.
    5) Dressing slutty, or showing off your body too much. Girls like this we only want sex with because we don't think we can trust her or let her meet our mom.
    6) We are extremely horny and are on a dry spell. Men have sex drives that can cause us to get so desperate to bang something that we will lie, cheat, steal to get it. Once we got it we feel better and then get stuck in situations with girls who wanted more.

    I think that about sums up the major ones!

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    • Thank you for the checklist. 👍🏻

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    • Luna, yes that definitely rings true. I notice how women show and perceive value amongst themselves when they wear their nice jewelry, expensive bags, their beauty etc.

      Guys have our own and one of them being I have this georgeous woman, this cool car, these tattoos, etc. It's how we judge or rank eachother.

    • Women developed the ability to have multipule orgasms so they can have multipule partners in one night or session. They then have a greater chance at conceving. Being a "hoe" was essentually a way of makeing sure the human species reproduced frequently so that our birth rate would out pace the mortality rate. Women were not actually regaured as property untill agriculture was invented and private property was conceptualized. Before then being a "hoe" was actually deemed nessasary and valued cuz hunter gatherer socity was more life and death. Women had more power, ruled tribes, where regarded as sacred (cuz child bearing), and were concidered equal if not more valuable in those days.

Most Helpful Girl

  • 1. Depends on the time you meet him. Men do this thing where they turn on their "signal" to mate - they are now ready for business. They are serious minded and want to settle down with someone. If he doesn't explicitly say he's looking for something long term or more serious, then the signal isn't on yet. Men in this mode carry themselves differently.
    2. If you are his ideal type, he will make himself ready for you. More often than not, a guy stumbles upon a woman that meets all his needs and shows him a few of his wants (that he may not have realized himself - the intangibles he can't put his finger on). This has nothing to do with you having sex too early or too late. He wants the girl super bad and will do anything to get her. She sparks something in him that demands commitment.
    It's either 1 or 2. 1 may get you a serious relationship but I know a lot of guys who married the women who fit in the 2 category. 1 is more about timing and 2 is just when he "knows" to make time

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What Guys Said 38

  • I think most times this isn't a question of what makes a girl girlfriend material versus a f buddy. I think it's more of a question as to what makes a guy want a girl to be an f buddy versus a girlfriend. I think the answer, in my opinion, lies more in the immaturity of the guy. So many guys (and gals, can work both ways) just want sex. That is not a comment on the other person looking to be more, it's a comment on the person only wanting sex.

    I find in life and certainly on here, the whole friends with benefits thing is rarely truly mutual. There seems to always be one trying to take it to the relationship level but settling for something rather than nothing, but ironically that something tends to be hurt and pain in not being able to have what you want.

    So basically I think whats makes a girl worth dating is a guy who finds it worth growing up. But the road goes both ways, the girl needs to want more. If you are willing to put out to a guy only seeking sex without requiring any of the other relationship type things, you are kinda waiting for a miracle for a instant gratification seeking guy (wanting just sex) to want more from you who aren't asking for more and gratifying him to his current desire.

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  • Never had a true friends with benefits but can easily state what makes one
    1) she is the one that fails the LT girlfriend test but has a body & gives sexual experiences one can never walk away from
    2) she is a sure thing (sex) often initiates it when there's few other options... good to keep around while shopping a girlfriend

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  • It's not usually about the girl personally (I don't think? Not for me anyway), it's about NOT wanting a relationship and all the "drama" and "expectations" that often go with one. Yet, we're human and still want and crave that human connection and contact.

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  • Her ability stop being so damn worried about her career and her "freedom." I get so sick of these women who automatically assume that getting into a relationship means that they won't be free to do what they want to do. Sure, she wouldn't be able to screw any guy she wanted, but chances are that she isn't doing that anyway. As for the career thing. It's laughable because most people are average (by definition) and I know SOOOOOOOOOOO MANY women who placed their career before intimacy and every single one of them is in their thirties, working some crappy midlevel management job, miserable, and alone.

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  • It needs 3 things:
    -personality
    -looks
    -and she needs to be into me

    If we are friends with benefits, then she has at least the looks and I like her to some degree. If we are not in a rl, then she either doesn't want more or it just hasn't really clicked. You can like someone and feel someone sexually attractive without being in love

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  • It's really just not seeing her as the type of girl... rather your real preferences

    Like all girls that aren't the ideal type we want automatically goes in the benefits pile lol... I mean for guys it's just as easy as sticking the D in.. and 5 mins later he's good. That's why guys are willing to bang anything with 2 legs that walks

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    • Classy creatures you are. Lol.

    • hahahah
      I've noticed this in the past couple of years... met a lot of girls but didn't really see them as the girl I want to commit to up to marriage...
      I like them, I find them attractive, but just not enough to get to that point

      So they all just go into the benefits pile lol... sex never hurts hahah
      But Yea... they get mad, and it never ends well... especially when she likes you

      But that could be a reason... possibly

  • The issue is not so black or white.
    There's not some light bulb that goes off and suddenly your only friends with benefits material.
    It depends on the circumstances.
    Are you guys only going to be able to see each other for a short period of time?
    Is it unrealistic to think about a relationship.
    Are both people ready for the level of responsibility, or do they want something a little more playful.
    How old are you, is it even practical to think about something long term yet.

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  • mostly if my life isn´t in order and i can´t see myself being set up to go into a relationship, that´s when i decide to just be sex friends.

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  • Her attitude and personality. If she's hot but she's a bitch or she doesn't click with me, then why on earth would I want to be in a relationship with her?

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    • ah but there's different types of bitches
      1. the traditional bitch who is often seem with rappers
      2. the sexy bitch who is often known as a retro vintage term
      3. the classy bitch who stands for being

  • If she's fun to hang out with when you aren't naked too, then clearly you're going to want to see her then as well.

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  • Literally, it simply comes down to her ease of giving it up.

    If she does quickly... she is nothing more than that and never will be.
    If she doesn't... we are forced to get to know her and are more likely to start liking her as a person.

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    • Hahaha finally! I feel like this is the real answer and guys are pussyfooting around it.

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    • That's hilarious that you said Kate Beckinsale... My wife is her doppelganger.

    • Lol I know, I remember pointless stuff like that.

  • I might be called a sexist but if I was to seriously date a woman she has able to cook. I can cook but it's nice to see a woman with mad cooking skills. Next is her femininity. Too many women focus on looks more than femininity. No sane guy is going to want to stick around with a woman busting his balls.
    A woman should be working with me to build a relationship but competing against me. This is the most serious mistake women make.

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  • For me it's the gut feeling if I think I could love her. Sometimes when your with someone special you get that amazing feeling and that is my sign that I found the girl worth keeping.

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  • Intimacy, privacy, exclusiveness. These are common contenders.

    Actually comfort zone, safe feelings and bounce back are more appropriate answers.

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  • If she is mature, not glued to a phone or device, has female friends, is at least reasonably self sufficient, and has passion for something. Great sex is an important cherry on top, but it is much more flexible than that above

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  • She does or says something that doesn't sit right with me

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  • She says she wants a relationship.
    She doesn't give up the goods right away, honestly if she spreads her legs easily for me, why is stopping her from doing it for other guys?
    She knows how to cook, clean, have a job, knows how to keep a man.

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    • What if you dont have sex right away you tell the guy you want to wait but then he distance himself the next day and weeks later he has his friends calling you leaving voicemail messages calling you a bleeping slut

      I feel like I am damn if I do and Damn if I dont

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    • @LunaJ - im actually glad I didn't go there can only imagine if I did what could have happened

    • @Banana-Girl uh yeah, see, your destiny was to avoid that horrible situation 😁

  • FWB: If she is my side and I don't think she would be better than current, or if I am single and I wonder about her solidarity!

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  • I feel the difference is timing. Where you both are in the point of your lives, you don't want to commit to a relationship but still want fun.

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  • If we got to know each other well, before we jumped into the sack, then they usually they would lean into the girlfriend pool. If they were quick to jump on the stick, then friends with benefits is where they usually stayed...

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  • I connect with her emotionally and intellectually and could see myself introducing her to friends and family

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  • Sharing the same interests as me and wanting to support me in my life

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  • Purely on the guys situation.

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  • I'd say maybe lack of long term compatibility or not being in the place or mindset to date someone at that particular point.

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  • Not loyal or trustworthy and sometimes her past is pointed out as a reason.. maybe I can't say anything accurately because I never had one.

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  • when you don't have time for a relationship but really like having sex with someone

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  • I never had a friends with benefits so I can’t say.

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  • When you have a female friend and you end up doing something sexual with her than i would consider that a friends with benefits.

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    • I know what a friends w/ benifits is. I'm asking what makes a girl a friends with benefits instead of Girlfriend material? Is there something she does that put her in the friends with benefits category or perhaps it has to do with where the guy is mentally. What makes her a friends with benefits or girlfriend

  • If I'm not interested in a relationship, such as now, because I'm moving far away soon, I only look for a friends with benefits. When I move, I'll consider something more. I can't speak for others. But I only needed a friends with benefits for now.

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  • If you want to spend time together outside the bedroom I would think?

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What Girls Said 6

  • Well, from the other side... I've had friends with benefits who have genuinely been my friends so although we get on on many levels they just weren't someone I wanted to have a full blown relationship with. It's like having a casual friend and a BFF. Not everyone is BFF material.

    For myself I think it comes down to things like social attitudes and upbringing. I can get on well with guys on a lot of levels but not many people really 'get me' on a deeper level. I wouldn't set myself and him up for a fail by pretending a proper relationship would work out. He isn't going where I want to be but it is fun to play while we're together, that's how I see it.

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  • My best friend (male) put it that way: some girls are good enough to fuck, but he gets instantly bored/annoyed as soon as they start talking 😂 Not the best way to put it but I guess it's about character and interests ^^

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    • Hahahahaha my male best friend says the same thing! Lol 😂

    • He's right, some girls are sexy as hell and a great time in bed, but not interesting at all to hang out with and boring as hell to talk to.

  • The best I have to offer is IF she decides this is best for her... for now.
    Otherwise from the guy's view, I agree with FemWorship

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  • Taking a wild guess here Maybe they aren't attracted to her,
    maybe there is something about her personality they might not be ready for a relationship

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  • I think its how and when the girl approaches him

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  • for one guys don't like needy girls they want a girlfriend whose independent,
    a girl who doenst give it away just like that they want a challenge
    if you giving giving them sex right away don't expect them to ask to ask you to be their girlfriend

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