If you entered a monogamous relationship, how would you feel if?

Alright these questions are everywhere, but I really wanna ask it from this perspective. Let's say you're with someone who was 100% devoted, loyal, monogamous to a T, but out of left-field they say they want to open the relationship, see other people, participate in threesomes, etc. How would you handle it? That doesn't mean you have to say just that you "would" or "wouldn't", but how would you literally DEAL with a situation like that?


Me? I'd tell them to get the hell outta my apartment.

Updates:
The fact that three separate users used this post to flirt... lol. For those who don't know: the Graveytrain is taken and not interested in anybody from G@G. I'd appreciate it if people could just answer my questions normally. Thanks.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I would say no, there is no possibility that I would ever agree to that. It's just not my thing. If they want to be with someone else then they should go and do that. That's their choice. If I want to be with someone else I won't be in a relationship. I'm not interested in threesomes anyway.

    p. s. I LUV YEW @RJGRAVEYBRAIN, CAN WE BE SEX PALS? I HAVE A PROSTHETIC MANGINA <3

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Most Helpful Girl

What Guys Said 57

  • If that happened to me, I would feel that everything my partner had said to me previously about commitment and monogamy had been a lie. I would be angry and hurt and I would know that the relationship was over. I would want them out of my life as quickly as possible. I would probably be in "shell shock" for at least a few months and it might take me a while before I returned to dating.

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  • On paper, open relationships seem to make sense but in reality, they don’t work out at all. Most of them don’t anyway. I’m always looking for something long term, so if someone doesn’t want that and wants a “casual” or open relationship type, I’ll be out like the Flash very quickly. Relationships are all in or none at all. No such thing as a “casual” relationship. As humans you can’t focus on more than one person at a time, especially when it comes to relationships and intimacy. That’s why open relationships don’t work. It’s just not feasible for men and women to do that. Lack of focus prevents anything meaningful from developing within all members of the party. I’d leave the babe if she wanted a open relationship. Open those legs for me only, or I’m out LMFAO

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  • It depends on how it was brought up. In a hypothetical scenario in which a partner was acting distant, and all of a sudden they bring up a threesome when it's completely out of context and in a way that's not fitting the circumstances of your relationship... then yeah, that's a huge red flag.

    You already know what I do and a lot of people would likely presume that couples have threesomes because they're getting bored or one feels inadequate in the relationship. It's as if a missing piece of the puzzle is there and it's to be assumed they're attempting to fill that gap with other people. I honestly wouldn't blame them for thinking that.

    I can only speak for myself, but the idea of threesomes came up when she saw the offers for sex that I got. Obviously, with my girlfriend being bisexual, she enjoyed the eye-candy as well. We both got into it and dived in head first and it's been a thrill tbh.

    One thing about me is that it's damn near impossible for me to feel any emotional connection to a girl from just sex alone. We look at the girls we fool around with as two-dimensional objects that are there for our pleasure. They're really nothing more than that. We're both almost sexual deviants and both have a crazy wild obsession with sex. We're sort of just enjoying the thrill and having fun with it.

    My girlfriend has me on an emotional level. No other girl gets that side of me and that's because she's mine and I don't just hand that out. That's goes a lot deeper than just penetrative sex. No other girl couldn't compare to what we have and we both know that... That's why we're not bothered by the physical aspect of simply fucking another girl.

    As far as open-relationships? Nah, we do everything together. That's one thing that I would never settle for.. but to each their own.

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  • If someone says me that they want open relationship with me and want to 'explore' things with other people.
    Its clear that person its only trying to keep you as a booty call and nothing more,
    Now you have 2 options -

    1. Keep having sex but start dating other people unless you find your desired partner.

    2. If you have honour and integrity, just pull the plug, break up and find a suitable partner.

    I would have chosen 2nd option because I'm all about commitment, integrity, loyalty, long term relationships.

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  • I wouldn't ask for a threesome or have an open relationship. If my SO did, I would only be receptive if I felt that it made sense to spice up the relationship, and it would only be if it was years into the relationship. If it was a suggestion to open the relationship, as in, both us can have side pieces, no, I would not go for it. I'd tell her how I felt about it and see her reaction. If I could tell she resents me for it, then I'd have a long conversation and see if it is worth continuing our relationship. If it was about threesomes with me participating, it would depend on how it felt at the time and if we were both really secure in the relationship.

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  • I would only and only accept it (even then, barely so) if it involves other women, not men. There is no way I would share my women with another man but I would not be all that offended if she offered to be shared with another woman.

    Yes, that is somewhat hypocritical but I don't care.

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  • I would first ask why they feel the need to do these things? If being in a threesome was a fantasy they felt they needed to scratch off the list, they should have done so before entering into a relationship, they are now being selfish. As of for me? Im almost 50 years old, so keep this in mind, if God wanted me to screw two women at once, he would have given me two penises.

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  • Unfortunately I'd try to get to the bottom of the sudden mind change, and convince them that us stayin monogamous is the best choice.. Then eventually question if they would do it, and have to get over them eventually since it probably won't work out.. LOL..

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  • No, as fun as the idea seems when you’re just messing around with a girl. In a serious relationship i would never be interested in such a thing.

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  • I would say "ok lets talk about this and lay down some ground rules." Cause if you know me then you know that im willing to try an open relationship.

    However over the years I've come to some conclusions about how i would want it to work: there would be no sleeping with random people without the SO there, anal is only for those in the relationship, we would have to decide if we're swingers or just into polygamy.

    Im not ok with separate SOs for intance she has another man and i have another girl but a four person love square i think could workout.

    Things like that. And if it turns out any of these rules stop working or is leaving one of us feeling neglected or jealous then we either change the rules or close the relationship.

    The most important part is an immense amount of communication.

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  • So basically you mean if i am in perfect Vanilla relationship, with girl of my dreams you know like i am Edward and My Bella asks in the Twilight part Breaking Dawn part 2 that she wants to open the relationship..

    it would be drastic for me. but i believe in us i will let her open the relationship and start placing more efforts between us! so that her idea eventually crashes.. and she sees the tragedy and shuts the door close..

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    • To those 3 users to whom are sent down the boulevard of broken dreams, the password to room " Hearts broken by graveytrain" is : " H3@rt$br0k3nbygr4vytr@1n "

      Hahaha!@... See you there...

    • Show All
    • Yeah I'm not about that disloyal life.

    • You are the kind of women that men find pleasure when you turn them down, they dont feel bad about them-self ( i am speaking by experience, you had the best and kindest approach, and i stopped bugging you since that day, this might be our first conversation after that day.. ), i can safely say that you have reached your objective of living a life of a good human being...

  • It would probably take me a while to process, and even longer for the idea to really stick. At the end of the day though, my girl to be mine and mine alone.
    See ya. I thought better of you.

    On a side note, I went for a while thinking you were Tony's girl.
    Welp.. there goes that theory.

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  • Okay answering that it's a bit tricky for me now because the past few relationships I have had were very casual. I know those girls were probably sexting with other guys and such, and honestly I've done it too. It's been awhile since I had a committed relationship because frankly it's hard to believe in those anymore. So as things are currently in my life it would be indifferent if I accept it or nor because since nothing it's formalizde either can walk away at any point given, if that makes sense.

    However, if I was in a committed relationship and if I had the same values I had just a couple of years ago or whatever, I would probably feel she doesn't really love me or respect me and wouldn't fit (IMO) with the ideal of what constitutes a monogamous committed relationship. So yeah I would probably get the fuck outta there or tell her to get the fuck out of my place and just let her be with whoever accepts her proposal.

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  • I'd agree so long as she involved me in almost every encounter, used protection and always favored me no matter how skilled her lovers happened to be.

    She could involve any number of men and women at once if she wanted to. I'd never feel jealous so long as she clearly desired me above everyone else.

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  • I would be like "oh fuck, the relationship is falling apart, something is wrong", then I would ask for her reasons, and her sudden change of actitude, then if she kept with the same mindset she would be all alone. For me is either a serious relationship or not. An inbetween relationship is fairytail.

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  • Same thing I'm not open to a relationship to open unless I don't live with them and it becomes mutual.

    Like love is gone but sex was good.

    Even if it happens I don't want to live with them to see the other guys.

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  • I would tell her that I would never, ever want to be in relationships like that. So, either stay monogamous, or end it and tell her to find someone who is ok with that.

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  • She would have probably already been emotionally unfaithful and had someone in mind when asking that.
    I would end the relationship, but at least I wouldn't seriously dislike her since she was honest. I would give her some respect for that.

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  • I was de devastated when my ex came to me once and told that she wants to be a polygamous. Now I I should've tried it, I think it's hot to see partners in bed with other people and to see you in bed with someone else! However, I just fantasize that and don't think I can do it. I'd love to watch my girlfriend in bed with another girl but not a guy.

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  • If she where to be bisexual and really was craving a girl i'd at least try a threesome for us to both enjoy if she picked a girl we both like.
    Other then that i will just tell her i am not open to it.

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  • Depends on how serious they were about it.

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  • i would leave them. and find someone better. any sexual kinks or fantasies that included a third person in my sex life, Will always be a Big No.

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  • I would see it as a huge red flag. If they’re unhappy with the relationship, we either need to work together to fix the problem or break up. Sleeping with other people is ignoring your problems, letting them grow and making a disaster inevitable

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  • Yup. Tell him to get the hell out of your apartment. You're totally in the right for saying that. Reason is, if he's saying that to you, he has no respect for you and doesn't care about you. If you tell him to get out of your life, he'll either instantly sober/wise up and apologize and never say anything like that again, or he'll leave and you'll be so much better without him.

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  • bye.

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  • If that happened to me, i would dump them. She obviously didn't listen to my boundaries or care about how i feel.

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  • I'll tell them "We're done" , just by them even suggesting the idea proves that they don't want a serious relationship

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  • Fuck that shit, sharing is caring, but not bodies dude

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  • I've been in open relationships. It takes a LOT of open and honest communication. It's hard. But I'm okay in principle.

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  • I'd think that I have the choice of agreeing to an open relationship or being cheated on later. Either way, it's time to start looking to jump ship.

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What Girls Said 15

  • I think in the abstract, I’d say the exact thing you would. “Get the hell out!” but I’m just not sure what my reaction would actually be in the moment, how he proposed it, what precipitated it and what the rules would be. I say this because I know it’s a fantasy of my guy to have another girl with us. In fantasy talk it’s fun to let him have those ideas while I lay out the rules for such a tryst. Mainly because I know he loves me and It is still just fantasyland. Overall, I am a one man woman and am most attracted to a one woman man.

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  • I'm one who lays out what I expect and what I desire out of a significant other and relationship from the start. If my S. O. were to come out with saying he wants to bring another into the mix or cares to see others on the side, I'd thank him for his honesty and tell him he's free to sleep around but that it's over between him and I.

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    • Your first sentence , that's not a relationship of equality , that's a one sided coin

    • What I lay out and expect from a relationship is done prior to getting serious with a S. O., it's discussed during the first or second date and I ask about the values and expectations he has for a relationship as well. I wouldn't care to date a guy if we have varrying values and expectations.

    • Thats still a one sided coin.

  • I'd say that it's a bit early for a midlife crisis and when they're done with it they can come back to me but I'm not interested in an open relationship. A threesome is one thing, but dating other people and having sex, by yourself with other people while you're in a relationship is something else all together

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  • I'd be shocked, ask if they're joking if it was a sudden thing they say.
    If they're serious about that, I'd end it.

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  • I would say we now want different things, so nice knowing you and happy trails, write me sometime

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  • Well I'd ask why, but I'd be down for it. I'm with my friends with benefits, well sorta, but it's pretty fun to do stuff with other people, and also do stuff with other people and him.

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  • It depends on how much security I feel in our relationship, I'd be down if there was complete and total trust. That's only for the threesome. But if he said he wanted to see other people, I'd kick him out too

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  • I would not be ok with it if they wanted an open relationship I would wonder why they wanted to be me with me

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  • I would be severely unhappy and probably think I'm not good enough. I don't think I could stay in a relationship like that if he insisted of continuously brought it up.

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  • I wouldn't like the idea of an open relationship at all. I don't understand how that would even work and I just see it as an excuse to go fuck around with other people. Personally, I can't tolerate that. You're either in or out haha.

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  • I would do the same and leave him. If he wants something like that he can get out.

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  • It depends.

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  • I would simply explain that I do not want an open relationship and if they still insisted on an open relationship I would suggest simply parting ways be cause if you agree to something you don't want to, you won't be happy.

    This is just me speaking, I cannot say for sure that's how I would deal with it if something like that actually happened.

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  • Most likely spend a few weeks confused and questioning everything about that relationship. How much was genuine? Has he always had these thoughts or was it something I did that caused him to want to go find someone else. I'd probably also get mad at some point because I'd be so confused as to where this was coming from. And well... I don't share well and I don't like to be shared, so instead of holding him back I'd probably just let him go to do as he wished.

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  • I'm in this relationship. At first it threw me for a loop and made me extremely uncomfortable. I needed to understand why this was ok to him. It felt "wrong" to me because I felt like it meant he loved me less. I mean how can you tell someone you love them but turn around and ask them to sleep with other people?
    We discussed it until we were both just so freaking sick of the topic and I finally tired it out. Can't really imagine it any other way now. It's not for everyone but I'm happy, my boyfriend is happy and my other guy is happy.

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