How to deal with my relationship anxiety?

I need some tips on how to deal with my anxiety. I have always had generalized anxiety and it is something I’ve always lived with. I am in my first romantic relationship right now for about 3 months. He’s a really great guy and we love each other a lot. I am just constantly having anxiety about it. For one, we only get to see each other on the weekends. We go to different schools during the week. And on the weekends he works as a soccer referee so our schedule revolves around his schedule. Sometimes I feel like we don’t get to see each other enough and I think that might be causing some stress also. Another thing is that I have a bad relationship with my dad. I always have had a bad relationship with him growing up. So my boyfriend is the first man I have really opened up to and let myself be close to. My critical inner voice is always so negative telling me “he’s gonna leave me” or “he doesn’t really love me”. It’s very frustrating for me. It’s causing so much unnecessary anxiety. I’m going to try to see a therapist this Friday and see how that goes. I hope it helps. If any of you have any advice or have been through this, I would really appreciate it. Thanks.


0|0
615

Most Helpful Guy

  • Most of carry around some baggage and end up sharing it with our partners. My wife's father was abusive. Even after 20 years of marriage she is still expecting me to be abusive to her. I would never do that to her. Not my style. And I know it causes issues between us. So be careful not to blow up your relationship for false reasons. Your boyfriend may not be with you forever. That is no reason to fear him being gone before it happens. Worse it could cause him to leave eventually. Self defeating behavior. Love as if it will never end.
    I'd suggest you need to talk to a counselor about your Dad and work through that.

    2|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • It's important that you don't let those pesky inner voices affect how you treat your boyfriend. Being controlling or overly concerned with his feelings about you can push him away a little, so be sure to keep that in check and communicate with him about your feelings without being demanding or sounding too doubtful. It can be taken as a bad sign if you sound unable to accept that he loves you, after all. Your therapist will have much better things to say and advise you of, but these are general pointers I use in my own relationship. In simple terms, accept his love freely and don't freak out on him when your inner critic says so. XD

    1|0
    0|0

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 14

  • I don't get anxiety much anymore, but when I was younger, I'd just sit down and ask myself why I felt the way I did. Discovering the problem is a big part of solving it.
    It sounds to me like you're already thinking about what things could be causing it. I'd suggest you continue asking yourself this question, and when you find something like the fear he doesn't love you, think about how that problem can be solved. Ask yourself these types of questions: Has he given you reason to think that way? Is he not confirming his love with you enough?
    If there isn't an obvious problem with something he's done, perhaps you should just sit down with him and discuss your needs with him. If he cares for you, he'll take time to meet your needs. If he doesn't, he probably isn't a good match for you anyway. Best wishes

    1|0
    0|0
  • I say examine the situation. Examine the words he says to you, and examine the actions he performs. If he says "I love you", but his actions don't match up, then that's kind of a red flag. But if you don't think that he has ANY reason to leave you, then it's best assumed he won't. And let me tell you something. What guys see as attractive in a woman is really different from what women see as attractive in a woman. It's quite saddening, honestly. I hope you get your anxiety issues worked out, you sound like a great person who doesn't deserve all this stress. Good luck! :)

    1|0
    0|0
  • Hey, I think it's great you're opening up about this. Firstly I think maybe you should talk to him about it. I wouldn't suggest making him change his schedules but Im sure he would be willing to call you more or maybe you could swap photos throughout the week so you don't feel left out at all.
    Both of these will really help and then on the weekend you'll still have the joy of being together in person.

    Also, as a sufferer of anxiety I have to say that anxiety ruins relationships if you allow it to control you. Let your heart and logic guide you and push fear to one side. He wouldn't be with you if he didn't like you and if you communicate your worry to him in a gentle manner I am sure you can come to a compromise to close the gap a little. Just remember that anxiety is more likely to ruin things than the distance or your schedules so keep it in check.

    Let us know how you get on and take care!

    1|1
    0|0
    • Thank you so so much. I really don’t want this to ruin the relationship.

    • Well, this is definitely the most helpful comment, so to avoid writing basically the same thing i'm only going to add my personal advice.
      I think you should find some hobby, something that keeps you entertained instead of thinking, and thats all, good luck with that

  • First thing it is good that you are trying to see a therapist - Next you are able to tell us what is going through your head - Tell him so he knows what is behind some of your behaviour - Most couples will try to meet each other halfway - Tell him your concerns as well and what he could do to address him then ask him has he any concerns - Communication will let you know what each other is thinking and where you are going in the relationship - You say you had some general anxiety, what are your coping mechanisms, could they transfer to relationship anxiety

    0|1
    0|0
  • I haven't been through what you're going through but, I've been down the road you're getting ready to travel down,... therapist and counseling. I've been seeing the same therapist who is also my best friend for 30+ years. I went to Jr. high and high school with her. All I'll say is go there with an open mind and be as honest as you can be. You don't have to tell the therapist your entire life story on your first visit. Tell them what you told us and make sure he's got an open space on his calender for you next week before you dump everything on him. I went at 19 years old, we had just had my daughter, I was a teller in a major financial institution & I'm the sole bread winner. I was also attending night college courses to get two degrees, one to get an Accounting Certificate and one in Business Management. Anyway I continued to go and my then wife bailed after one session... it works because if not for her words that rang so true, it might very well have turned out differently.

    0|0
    0|0
  • The time between seeing eachother is enough to ramp up the anxiety. itd be a lot less if u spent quality time together daily. but since u dont u either find ways to do so (video chat, phone, etc) or find something that distracts ur mind. i used to rarely go to family functions, but when i did i ended up finding things to fix, make. fixing house shit distracted me enough so my brain wasn't racing to a million bad places at once. i grew up in an unsafe area, so hyper vigilance helped when i was on the street. driving my eyes do a constant fast pattern, etc. music sometimes helped, but with depression it was dangerous. u need to direct ur thought into something, a few things that can be with u always. drum pad n sticks, books, balls to juggle, etc. and laser focus on it, otherwise ur mind will wonder all over again.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I was 16 or 17 in a similar long distance, see on weekends, parent issues, i played football relationship.

    As we got closer, we wanted to see each other more and it just became too much because i couldn't do the distance and it was tough for me to understand her.

    I would try to talk to him, and use your therapy. But when talking to him make sure he gets what you're saying because it's long distance and difficult to get a full picture

    0|0
    0|0
  • Don't worry so much and relax. A good partner is someone you can drop your guard around.

    Think: "if he can't accept me then he doesn't deserve me anyway." Stand tall and be proud!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Let him know what you're going through. This way he'll be able to help you through it and reassure you that he isn't gonna abandon you

    0|0
    0|0
  • Ok, let me start off by saying FEELINGS CAN LIE. That being said, every time you feel doubt talk to him about it. Remind yourself that you love him and he loves you. This sounds easy, but it takes practice. I have abandonment issues and the only way I can be happy in a relationship is with reassurances and trust. I trust that they aren't lying to me when they reassure me. This eliminates a lot of the stress. The Anxiety will go away with the more time you spend face to face.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I know it may not be much help but you're over thinking the situation. I kinda so the same thing. Probs why I'm single lol

    Best thing to do in my opinion is try not to think of the "What ifs" and things of that nature. If he didn't like you you guys wouldn't be together. Besides, if it doesn't work out between you two, there's plenty of guys out there for you to choose from.

    Best of luck!

    0|0
    0|0
  • The only way I have seen people get over their anxiety is by confronting their inner demons. How that is done is varied as the person themselves, but that's the only way I've seen people get over it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Might be just me but your over thinking things. So try to enjoy spending time with your boyfriend and have fun.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think ur fine... Just deal with it... It will pass..

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 5

  • I am going to say the unpopular vote...

    He is your first boyfriend... I would consider it wise to avoid considering him permanent until you are engaged.

    I have some attachments issues, so relationships REALLY stress me out... I fell for my first boyfriend hard, and it destroyed me inside when it ended.

    But I was 13. You are 19. This could work out totally different. Talk to your therapist, and let him earn your trust. It is never wise to trust anyone too quickly (something I am guilty of). So it is okay to open up to him... and trust he will not leave on a whim... but please don't make him your moon and stars like I did. Let him make you whole after you two are either engaged, or married.

    0|0
    0|0
  • i have anxiety too. i know how it feels to i felt exactly how you feel. talk about with your boyfriend is he is the one for you he'll totally understand. because some people think that anxiety is something that we invented for excuses and its not is more than that. its thinking about the same issue all day. but also i recommend you for your anxiety to be part I don't know in a photography course, another language so you keep your mind in other things too. anxiety people always felt that someone is going to leave them I don't know how is your boyfriend, but mine was very hard with me he make me felt like crazy we broke up with me and is the best thing that could ever happen to me because i met someone who do understand me.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I'd say it could help to just keep busy and try not to overanalyze things. Just enjoy the time you have together and don't put too much importance on everything right away.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Therapy

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't think you should be in a relationship until you work through your ansowth issues

    0|0
    0|0
Loading... ;