Is ir fair to expect a guy to pay the entire bill on dates?

Most women I've encountered have harboured the attitude that hey, you asked me out, you pay. Just wanna know what others feel about this.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have no problems paying, I have a job, I work and relationships are two way streets. I get weird when people pay for things for me lol

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I have been dating for 46 years (minus the years when i was married.) I have always paid for everything on a date unless my partner was taking me out for my birthday. I want my dating partners to accept traditional gender roles and that I means that I must fulfill my end of that deal, too!

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    • And unfortunately you haven't found the real ladies yet for long term as I remember. We call them unicorns.
      Do you believe they still exist and if so then how many of them do you think are out there?

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    • @Unit1 The vast majority of guys are like him. You along with the rest of the other young guys on here are the minority.

    • @babylips14 what do you mean?

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 21

  • I'll always offer to split the bill, but if the guy extended the invitation, then I'd expect him to pay (for a first date, anyway--on subsequent dates, I'd be uncomfortable letting him pay). In my culture, it's not just like that for dates--if you invite a friend out to do something that costs money (e. g., have coffee, go to the movies), you're supposed to cover the cost. Just as you cook and clean up for guests whenever you invite someone to your home.

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  • I will always pay for myself. The only time I've let a guy pay was when he started getting angry. I don't need their money. I wouldn't even date if I know I can't pay for myself.

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  • Inviter pays. No requirement that you must go do s o something that costs money. Once the couple is exclusive things need to be balanced.

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    • A good concept, but women rarely to the asking out lol

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    • Woops accidentally hit submit... that excuse doesn't carry much weight with me since I'm the one that asked out my fiance to start.

      And also I'm not a serial dater nor will I date multi people at the same time. I don't really care how other people do it. This is just how I handle my life.

    • I never meant with you... just in general.

  • My guy is old fashioned and would be completely insulted if I had ever offered to pay for anything. he still to this day won't even let me (or any other female) pay for our own coffee from Starbucks or anything like that if he's there.

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    • 😂😂😂 what an idiot

    • Your boyfriend is a real gentleman unlike this douchebag below you.

    • @babylips14 husband of 17 years now 😉 And yes he is. He sets the bar high so our daughters know what to expect in a good man ❤️

  • I always offer to pay no matter what. Unless my boyfriend says he's treating me then I won't. But most the time we'll split cause it's fair

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  • I don't believe it is, no.

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  • No, it's not fair. Just because someone has asked you out, that doesn't mean you get out of paying! In my opinion, you should always take enough money to cover your half of the bill. But hey, that's just me.

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  • Honestly, I don’t see the point in asking someone out if you’re not prepared to pay. And this goes for both girls and guys. But I, personally, have NEVER paid on a date. I know some guys are old fashioned and feel like they should always pay regardless of who asked who out, so I guess it depends on the type of guy. The entire time my fiancé and I dated, he paid on every date and he still does now. But that’s just the type of man he is. He likes being “the provider”. But that’s not to say that there’s something wrong with couples who split the bill. Different strokes for different folks!

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  • Early on yes, whoever asks for the date, should pay for the date. The whole date. Once a relationship is established, it’s important for both people to invest in the relationship. Whether it’s taking them out, making them dinner or just bringing over candles for movie night on the sofa.

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    • I’ll als add that it’s akwats polite to offer to pay or even get the tip.

  • I asked my boyfriend out first and paid for it, I also paid for the second and he paid the next. Once we got serious it was whoever had the money.

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  • Not fair

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  • Well I think is not fair. I went on a first date 2 years ago with a guy and even though at the first he told me we both pay our respective meals days before the date took place, at the end he paid. So we agreed that if the next time we go out again it was my turn to invite him. Fast forward 2 years and it was last Sunday and I invite the guy. IF we go out again for our 3rd time I guess that time now we both paid our respective meals.

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  • Absolutely not. Each person should pay for their own food, unless the meal is a special treat for a birthday or other similar occasion.

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  • No, whenever I would go on a date I would make sure to have enough money to cover it. I've nearly always split the bill, unless the guy has insisted on paying.
    Relationships are give and take on both sides, neither side should just expect the other person to pay for them.

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  • I always offer to pay half and when ordering just stick within my budget, as a student is pretty low. If a guy does pay i think its nice of him but not necessary. I do know some girls where this would be a deal breaker though (I'm not saying they're right)

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  • No... but someone made it an etiquette

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  • Of course it's fair

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    • Guys have unfair expectations that most girls don't like all that much either, but when we bring them up vast majority says "This is a non issue. Men and women are different you dumb feminist!"

    • How is it fair?

    • What I'm trying to say is that most men who think they don't have to pay on dates only want equality when it benefits them. If you really think men and women are the same then it's okay to split the bill.

  • Yes. If I'm spending hundreds of dollars on make-up, outfits, hair, nails, jewelry, shoes, etc... to impress you, the least you can do is pay. Remember that guys have it easier in life than women do. You don't have to spend money on tampons or birth control pills every month either.

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    • You dont need to spend money on all that crap. Its comparable to a drug addiction.

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    • That should be a sign that they aren't worth your time. Use that as a filter

    • Guys have it easier in life? Ahagahahahhaahahahaha do you live in pakistan or something?

  • Yes, if you ask me out I do expect you to pay.
    If I asked you out I think you'd expect me to pay, no?
    If there's a second date and you paid the first date I'd absolutely pay or at least offer to pay.
    The guy Im with would sooner get hit by a bus than let me pay for a date though.
    Every guy is different.

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    • Guys don't ever get asked out... I think that is where the problem lies. All women say well if they ask me out then sure they should pay... well that is the only way they are going on a date with you because women don't ask men out so should that be the man's problem?

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    • @coachTanthony I will have to remember that line! Freaking perfect 👌🏻
      Never hear that question again after delivering that line a few times.
      Feel like it could bite you in the ass when you do find someone though. "So how's that beeing tied down and no freedom to do anything working out for ya?" Then you've got one pissed of chick sitting next to you with a fork and knife within reach. Oops. Haha

    • LMAO... No doubt.. it absolutely could bite you in the ass... I try not to think about it HA

  • Guys don't ever expect me to pay. Even if there won't be a second date. And I'm not that special so I guess it's still kind of "normal". But once I'm in a relationship I don't want him to pay all the time and I also buy him presents if I feel like doing that, for no reason. But yes in the early stages the guy pays. But if I'm in to him and he would tell me he would like to take me out because he really likes me but he can't afford to pay for all of it, I wouldn't care. But if he's just a cheapo I wouldn't even like to date him to begin with, because I'm not a cheapo when I'm with a guy.

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  • If you can't even afford to pay for a meal on a first date you shouldn't be dating. Relationships require a lot of sacrifice.
    It's not like women can't pay for their meal and need a guy to pick the check, this is just a tactic to gauge a guy's willingness to put a potential relationship before his interests. Women need to know if he actually cares. So while many women nowadays prefer not to owe anything to a guy and might even go dutch on a date, you should offer to pay for the meal.

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    • A woman letting herself be paid for isn’t putting herself before a potential relationship?

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    • That's pretty one-sided since there are gold-diggers that only stay with guys to get their meals payed for.

    • Sounds like a gold digger to me "relationships require a lot of sacrafice" what she's really saying is relationships require money and basically money is the determining factor for her

What Guys Said 29

  • I will repeat a comment I left below because I think this is what the question is really asking.

    Guys don't ever get asked out... I think that is where the problem lies. All women say well if they ask me out then sure they should pay... well that is the only way they are going on a date with you because women don't ask men out so should that be the man's problem? So before all the women say that's not true they ask men out I am speaking to the majority. I am sure some women out there have asked a man out but for the overwhelming population IT NEVER HAPPENS.

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  • My default expectation is to pay. Maybe I am old fashioned, but I believe in paying. Down the road, we can alternate on who pays.

    In general, I like paying. I can order whatever I want, make sure the waiter/waitress is generously tipped, and show my appreciation for my date sharing a meal with me.

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  • Nope. It's an unfair expectation.

    But it's up to you to set the expectations early. a lot of girls feel you should pay simply because of cultural expectations. There is legitimately no other reason than that. Just say "two checks" at the end of a good date and it's hardly likely to become a problem. If she makes a big deal out of it, then she didn't like you anyways and you'll be glad you spared the money.

    Never been on an awesome date full of laughs, flirting and fun, then that suddenly go south when I told the waiter two checks. Maybe I just choose well, but at least half of the girls I've dated wanted to pay for me and the other half were fine paying for themselves. Cool girls (in my experience) really don't care. Their friends might. Her family might. Random strangers might. But most girls don't.

    I've even an ex recently that tell me she thinks the guy should pay if he asks the girl out, when she never expected that of me when we were dating and I always had money. Girls don't really care about that when feelings are involved. They only care about the money... when they care about your money.

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    • And I guarantee that any girl on this post that says it matters to her. If she met an awesome guy and had an amazing date with him but he said two checks at the end of the date she would not say a damn thing to him about it. And paying would "suddenly" not matter if she likes him.

  • I don't see the logical connection between being the one who asked and being obligated to pay. Its not like they are forced to accept.

    Also women just hide behind that excuse because they know they are probably never going to be the one who makes the first move. And even if a woman did make the first move she still wouldn't be expected to pay because guys don't really care and would be more than happy to just split the bill.

    The other part that annoys me is that the same girls who might expect one guy to pay for all the dates have spread their legs for other guys who didn't have to spend a dime on them. I don't want that expectation held over me if other guys she has been with didn't have it held over them.

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  • Tradition aside - Early on, yeah but only whoever asks for it. When you're exclusive, trade off, date nights. He does anniversary, she does birthday, he does one week, she does another. Relationships are two way streets. No one should have to be the only one that pays. Important related caveat, people that ask their partner where they want to go should just accept where their partner wants to go unless they have an allergy. A friend of mine's girlfriend is notorious for asking him where HE wants to go for a date and then dismisses every choice just about. If you didn't want to go where he wanted to why did you ask?

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  • Ladies if you are nice enough to have dinner with me, I'm man enough to pay for the meal. I'm old school sorry.

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    • You're a true gentleman. This is why I love old school guys. They are more romantic and less greedy.

    • I'm shocked to see how many guys on here expect women to after we spend hundreds of dollars on looking good for them. Getting make up done at a salon professionally can cost up to $65-$100.

  • If I ask I pay. But we're not going to a place where it's going to run more than $60-70 for everything on a first date.

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  • I must admit I have difficulty with this logic and would prefer to see some splitting of the bill happening or taking turns. Maybe over time the costs can be fairly apportioned through discussion.

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  • Yes.

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  • On the first few dates I like to split the bill.

    After that I prefer to pay the whole bill, when she pays the next one. Thats less stressful and totally fine

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  • But it's been a trend that guys ask girls out 🤷‍♂️.

    Modern society should expect a more feminist society.

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  • Well now days I would so it's pretty blind of you to expect it... a lot of things have changed over the period of time from when it was expected. Quote frankly if he does pay the first bill then be nice and pay the second. You both are trying to have a good time and enjoy one another, it's not just him trying to please you.

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  • It's not fair, but life isn't fair.

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  • It's fair

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  • It's okay every once in a while but eventually they should start going Dutch

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  • I think its not right in my opinion i mean especially when Feminism preach Equality. So shouldn't be equality on a date as well? If we truly want equality. :Just a fact

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  • nope, it's silly

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  • Dating is dead so it doesn't matter.

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  • If I earn more money than her, it makes a lot of sense. But most girls prefer to pay on their own.

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  • Nope

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  • In the name of equality, it should be split or go Dutch.

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  • I think the women should at least offer to pay.

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  • Women want equality... we should give it to them haha

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  • no. definitely not

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  • Not if equality is a subjective opinion

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  • sure it's fair. how else are girls gonna use guys for free stuff?

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  • I try to pay for it when I go out with a girl cause I'm old fashion, but it's 2017 and some women get mad and offended when you pay for the entire thing. Some take advantage and some (and very few it seems like) actually appreciate it. It's a very slippery slope. I try to pay and if she interjects and wants to pay half, i dont press the issue.

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  • The "whoever asks should pay" thing is total bullshit because women never ask so they know damned well they'll never pay. It's total female dishonesty, and the entire issue is pure female hypocrisy. Women don't want equality... never have and never will.

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    • I asked my boyfriend out first and paid for our first and second date. Why? Because I asked. He paid for dates he asked for. After a serious relationship it was whoever has money.

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    • I don't think there should be an expectation. Men should never feel like they are obligated to pay. What I'm saying is there are going to be men who WANT to pay, because they want to get the girl.

    • @raspberry0416 And then there are "women who just like to get treated (that's me)."

      You're a feminist and you're a fucking hypocrite. Equality only when it suits you.

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