Prior to a first date - should both parties agree in advance how the bill is to be paid?

... should they discuss in advance who should pay , or if they are to share the bill?



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Most Helpful Guy

  • Since I'm a guy:

    Not paying for the first date is a practical way to determine how a woman handles an unexpected situation. The ensuing amount of drama is a good predictor of what the relationship will be. If she raises no drama, pays, and says "next date's on you" then you have a keeper.

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    • That's actually a very smart thing to do. I can just imagine if she flips out about you not paying for her, what else she'd flip out about in the future. She'd probably be the type to attack you in the future whenever any problems were faced, rather than attempting to help you overcome them.

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    • I can easily point out a more than a handful of people on this site that I'm 99.999999999% sure are mentally ill. I wouldn't name names though.

    • But overall most of the guys I've dated have been normal. Whatever that means.

Most Helpful Girl

  • For me the assumption is that if it hasn't been discussed, both pay for their own. I don't think it needs to be discussed, but if either one wants to offer to pay, it's fine.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 47

  • Wow, that's some really sexy stuff that's going on in America. Whoever asks, should presume to pay, though I'd rather pay on a first date. After that, we'd find some compromise that doesn't involve me going bankrupt. You know, it's this odd thing called communication and being reasonable. And not going to expensive restaurants every week. Can you envisage a situation where you're not having to flash the cash to entertain her, and you could just chill together by going for a walk, or in bed ;)

    It also depends on the income of both parties, and implicit assumptions concerning that. If she's a student and I'm working, then obviously, I'll have to foot more of the bills, and we'll have to do less expensive stuff.

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  • You know, the guy is always expected to pay, however the best date I've ever had she paid. It was amazing. Should you talk about it before the date? No. Unless you want to say something like "I want to pay for my side of the bill.". That would be the sexist thing you could say to me. I'd probably be much more in tuned to what you're saying and who you are then, vs thinking I have to impress you and only focused on myself and what I'm going to say and hoping you'll say yes to a second date if I like you, or trying to figure out if I like you.

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  • NO... NO NO NO NO NO.
    whoever asked for the date should pay for the first date.
    after that, you should alternate.

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  • ok here´s how i think it should go down:

    when you´re about to pay, the woman should want to split the bill and get ready to pay for herself. but the man should ask her if she´s ok with him inviting her to this date, meaning he pays for her and agrees on her maybe paying the next time.

    i think this way she shows that she´s independend and not a cheap plain bitch. and he shows that he wants to be a caring man that believes that he should be providing for the girl but still wants a woman with a strong and nurturing character that can take responsibility too and is therefore a good partner for him.

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  • I had a woman on the PlentyOfFish dating site tell me she sees dating as free food.

    I will not go to a restaurant on a first or second date. We meet somewhere in a public place like a park along Lake Michigan. I have also had them meet me at Walmart and enjoyed talking about food shopping. I buy a very small amount as we are there to get to know each other a little more.

    Taking a woman on a first date where it costs money is a sucker's game that I won't and don't play.

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  • The last thing I want to do before a date is talk money

    I'll pay, next time we can talk about splitting.

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    • Good luck transitioning from paying for a girl to getting her to pay for herself. By paying for everything in the beginning, you're setting a precedent.

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    • @Kkaos the comment above was for you -

    • @HaleyArnold Yeah, you sound like the type most guys would be attracted to. To be fair, I go for the reverse based on what I said before. I usually like to split things for the first date and keep things casual. I don't feel the need to 'impress' her right at the beginning. If we start seeing each other more, I'm happy to pay for her because by then she means something to me.

  • ahh, I dunno, if you know the guy is short on cash, split, if you dont know, then he was the one organising. like you're not there to sort out eachothers financial situations, you're there to get to know eachother in a cheezy romantic setting ish. or you two are just hungry.

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  • In my opinion No it should not be discussed prior to going out as either you are prepared to pay half of the entire bill or not and not be depending on the other person to pay your way.

    I used to pay the entire bill when I took a Lady out on a date however after I had taken it right in the ass a few times with some Ladies drinking heavily and getting drunk and running up the bill into hundreds of dollars and then I had to pay the entire bill and then they did not even say Thank you I stopped all of that shit right away.

    Be prepared financially to pay your own way when you go out as it is better for both people.

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  • Wanna hear a true story? Once a upon time, in an attempt to meet women, I used to go out on a different date with a different woman once a week. I did that for about 8 months. After all these first dates... first dates that I paid for, women would ghost me immediately after the date. Some of these women would rack up close to $100 food bills and I would have to pay it all and they would ghost me after the date.

    I'm not trying to be a sexist pig, but women (not all), are notorious for ghosting men after a date for various reason. Hell, in the area I live in, the radio does a segment called "date fail" and callers (95% of the time it's men) call in to explain a recent date they went on and how they were ghosted after the first date.

    I HATE when women expect a man to pay for the bill. It's not chivalrous, it's not manly, it's just lack of wanting to take responsibility. Back in the olden days, women couldn't work and were housewives. As a result, they didn't have their own money, so men had to pay for everything they did. Times have changed and women work just like men. Sure... the pay scale between men and women is flawed, but there are tons of women out there who make really good money.

    The point I am trying to make is that it's not a man's responsibility to pay for the first date. I don't care who invited who (95% of the time, it's the guy who invites the woman). First dates are iffy, mainly because you are still in the "getting to know that person" phase. If you don't like the person after the date, make them pay for the entire date and opt to never see them again and GHOST THEM, that's WRONG! It makes the man feel like a chump and it makes you look like you only went on that date for a free meal and nothing more.

    When you go on a date with someone, especially a FIRST DATE, PAY FOR YOURSELF! A man will appreciate that more, and you won't look like a gold digger if you decide to ghost the guy after the date.

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  • It is really simple. The guy pays. What is to discuss?

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  • That doesn't really work cause she will just get pissy face and it will most likely ruin the date and sadly ruin his image... she will now think he's cheap af when in fact she's

    I think the best girl is just a girl who is aware of such nuances
    The first date check should be a battle of who pays and you should end up in a passionate heated conversation trying to pay but the other wants to pay - then end off just splitting cause no one wants to budge

    Perfect date, perfect girl !

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  • I don't think it's that difficult, if they offer to pay, or split the bill then we'll do that. If they don't say anything I'll just take it 🤷🏻‍♂️

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  • Yeah guy pays nothing more to it.

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  • I say that they should also get a certificate from the appropriate ministry, and pass the bill paying responsibility through a voting in the said parliament, or kings council in case their country is a Kingship instead of a Democracy...

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    • Also don't forget to make sure they signed their certificate and that it matches the signature on their ID card. And that it's not out of date of course. Then you're good to go on the date.

    • @frozenhorizon Yes. you are right how silly of me to forget that..! Thanks for reminding me..! :P

  • No, this would only serve to set a bad tone for the date. Jus let the guy pay. That's how it's always been done and that's how it's likely to be done for the foreseeable future.

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  • I never bring this up. If I invite someone I expect to pay. I would rather not waste time discussing half a dinner check. If we had fun and she offers to pay half, and she's being paid comparably to me, I'll tell her she can pay next time.

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  • Nothing says romance quite like sorting out the bill first!

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  • You should always just assume that you are paying your portion.
    But be open to treat or accept a treat if that is the kind of thing you like to do.

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  • I think that the guy should pay the first date regardless. If the girl wants to pay or at least try to argue to pay then she is keeper at least I think

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  • in my days the man payed

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  • It's easier if the guy just pays. That's what we do in New Zealand. The Germans split the bill like little bitches

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  • No lol why? We both have jobs and our own money so we both pay for whatever we spend. Covering for someone typically means they owe you, and it's simpler to not get into that situation with someone you just met.

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  • We're both adults, split the bill.

    This is simple.

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  • In my experience, it's pretty much a given that I will pay for the coffee and she will reciprocate by giving me a BJ in the car afterwards.

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  • The man should only pay it the woman is putting out

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  • And it's shit like this that pisses me off, another fine example

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  • Does one owe the other person money?

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  • I don't find it necessary. If it's the first date I'll always pay anyway

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  • Isn't that literally the same problem? You're just bringing it up even sooner.

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  • Of course I pay. I’m the man and the provider.

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What Girls Said 21

  • nah, makes it awkward

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  • Hmmmm naaaah. I think that’s a pretty awkward conversation to have, and even more so before going on the first date.
    My initial though was ”why not?” But as I thought more about it, it started making less and less sense. As I’ve expressed on many different questions about dating before, I’m the type of person who considers money to be a pretty sensitive subject and I prefer to not even involve any money on the first few dates (i. e. I prefer doing things on dates that don’t cost any money). So if a guy started talking about money before even meeting me on our first date, it would kind of raise a red flag for me. I’d start wondering if he’s the type of guy who’s sick of paying for girls and has gotten really aggressive when it comes to dates and money. Like I don’t mind it when guys want a more equal playing field when it comes to dating and would prefer it if both parties paid for their own meal/ticket/whatever. I prefer that, too. But some guys take it to the extreme and become very angry and bitter. So that’s the sort of reaction I’d interpret that as.
    To me it makes more sense to bring it up when it’s relevant - which is when you’re almost done with your meal. That way it doesn’t come off as aggressive and the timing makes sense.

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  • ugh.. not with this shit again

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    • Seriously! just answered this yesterday.

    • @PrettyKitty31 I see this crap everyday.. like wtf.. why do people care so much about paying the bill.. why not focus more on the person you're with.. I honestly wouldn't care and would happily pay for anything as long as I know the guy doesn't care about petty shit like this and is more focused on having a good time with me

    • Unfortunately, a lot of gag questions are perpetually repeated. Kids don't know how to use the search feature. hahah

  • That's awkward as hell and it shouldn't be a big deal. I don't understand why people make such a big deal out of who pays. I always always offer to spilt the check the first date. I'm fine if the guy takes me up on the offer or not. For the record, I've never had to pay for a first date. I always thank them and insist the second date is on me. Which I've also never actually had to pay for. But I offer.

    Wkth my boyfriend, I don't think he allowed me to pay for anything for the firstborn month or so. Until we were established as an exclusive couple

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  • No I think the conversation is a bit heavy. I always make sure I have enough to pay but leave it to what happens. Rather than splitting the bill at the table which I feel is also awkward I try take turns in paying for stuff "I'll get this round" or "you paid for the activity i'll pay for the meal"

    I went to a restaurant last night, there was a couple at the table next to mine they were clearly on a first date and the restaurant was very pricey. The bill came the man looked at the bill folded it and put it back in the book thing they give you. He looked at her to see if she would offer something, I think, then got a card out of the many I could see in his wallet. The card declined she ended up paying for the lot. I don't know if this was a technique he used he didn't seem embarrassed or sorry. I can't help but think if she'd have at least offered he might have picked a card that worked.

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  • I always find splitting the bill awkward
    Like even with friends - we just take turns paying

    On dates it would be the same

    Except, from my experience, guys never just accept me paying - even when I insist
    Which I actually find slightly offensive
    I literally have to pretend I'm going to the bathroom and ask the waiter for the bill

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  • Yes, they should, and I think it helps if the woman brings it up - "would you prefer for us to go dutch on our date?"

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  • I always pay! )-; eventhough he ask me out.

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  • I keep seeing posts about who should pay for a first date. There are all kinds of people out there- guys who don't mind paying, guys who resent paying, women who are offended by men paying, and then finally women who just like to get treated (that's me).
    You should do what feels right to you, and depending on how the other person reacts you can see if they are a good fit or not.
    I was on a date recently where we were both at the counter ordering coffee. I ordered first and he didn't make any moves to pay. So I get my wallet out of my purse, and all of a sudden he gets his wallet out and then orders and pays for both of us. Honestly I was kind of annoyed by this little charade, because if he was going to pay anyway just PAY THE BILL, don't wait for me to reach for my wallet. Believe me I'm not doing a "fake reach" to impress you, I'm reaching because it looked like I had to pay for my coffee.

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  • I always pay for myself. I don’t like to be beholden to anyone.

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  • I would never be without a way to cover my part of the bill but if a guy doesn't take care of the bill on a first date, that's fine, there just won't be a second date.

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  • I don't think it should be discussed typically I'll try to pay for it because I get weird when people pay for things for me. Or if we are getting coffee I'll insist or at least try to pay for my own. Sometimes I try to pay, my one friend who's a guy always insists on paying when we get together for coffee and I'll say let me get it, you always do.

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  • yes... that way no one gets their feelings or wallet hurt

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  • no it's weird to decided beforehand

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  • I believe no matter what a girl should offer to pay. I think it's respectful enough and if he says no worries I got it then hey he's got it. Can take turns paying and splitting bills. I think that's fair! :).

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  • no its just a bill, and if they can't afford it they shouldn't go somewhere so expensive expecting someone else to pay

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  • So stupid to discuss money issues. Everyone should assume they will pay their own share, and split the bill like adults.

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  • I'm old fashioned. I prefer if a guy pays for the first few dates, after that we can split or take turns.

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    • If you're old fashioned then I'd also assume you prefer to take old fashion women traits?

  • Not beforehand, that'd be super awkward. The asker should always assume they're paying. The date should always offer to pay for their portion. If I were to ask someone out, I would assume I'd pay for the whole thing. I'm a woman, so I've never had to do so. Most men want to pay since that's what society says should be happening and probably a pride thing. Naturally I won't object to free food, but I'll always offer and be willing to pay for myself, and him, too, if I asked him out.

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  • Discuss in advance? Totally. And Why not discuss child care support and politics while you’re at it

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  • I think asking about whos paying and stuff might seem abit strange so i personally wouldn't.

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