Do you find self-deprecating humor to be unattractive?


Man: You look amazing today.
Me: Thanks. I thought it was high time I take a shower.

Man: You killed your presentation.
Me: Thanks. I practiced all night in front of my army of cats.

Woman: I love your necklace! It's so vintage.
Me: Thanks. I stole it off a corpse.

I make it clear that I'm joking in all of these situations. I'm just wondering if maybe... I should take compliments more gracefully.


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What Guys Said 40

  • If you have a nice balance between accepting the compliment and the humor response... then you should be fine.

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  • The ability to laugh at yourself is an important skill. But to laugh at yourself each time you receive a compliment can be off-putting. Use that humor when you fail, not when you succeed. When you meet with success and are congratulated for it, take the compliment. When you turn it into a joke you lessen the compliment, you insinuate that you aren't entirely worthy of the compliment and thus the one who offers the compliment is somehow in the wrong for offering it. Now you've insulted someone who was trying to build you up.

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  • It's hard to say. But there's definitely a different cultural appreciation for that kind of humour in our respective countries.

    UK: '[chuckles] ah, he's one of his. One of the plebs. He doesn't take himself too seriously.'

    USA: '[stony silence]. Dude, what's wrong. You need a confidence boost. You know, I know the name of a good counsellor.'

    I can imagine what you say would go down less well there. Which is fine. I can definitely detect some sense of a not particularly high opinion of oneself, or some jadedness, what have you? Ultimately we like to be around people who feel good about themselves, and project at least some lightness. But all lightness is sickening, and also, it's unauthentic - no one is perfect or feels good all of the time. So a good balance is key I think, and it makes you more relate-able.

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    • OR I should have put 'counselor' [SIC]

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    • yeah, she definitely took it literally :x

    • It's fine. We have our fair share of nutjobs in England too, believe it or not.

  • – Be high value. Poking fun at yourself actually shows more of your charm.

    – Don’t be low value: be less neurotic and agreeable. If you can’t quite shed these traits, don’t make fun of yourself around others, as it will come across as neurotic and needy.

    Enough Said !!!

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  • Yes very unattractive. Sometimes it's ok to do it but if I'm trying to compliment you and you shrug it off a lot I'll. loose interest

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  • I like that but is it spontaneous I mean I'm the same type of person it's like I picked up my friend the other day and she has this really cool pair of sun glasses and I asked her where she got them and she said the fucking store I said really where is that place I never been to the fucking store before what kind of stuff do they have their fucking stuff can you fuck there too come on show me where the fucking store is I need to fucking go there so now every time we see each other so where'd you get that the tennis shoe store where is the tennis shoe store at I need to go to the fucking tennis shoe store is the fucking store right next door to the tennis shoe store

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  • You MUST keep a balance between your "humor" and being " serious". It's ok to be humors at times depending on what you are asked/complimented on but when it comes to serious topics, put humor aside.

    You also could always do the humorous jokes but then right after give a serious reply. Being overly humorous will not only make people probably lose interest in you but also makes them think you aren't a serious person and can't be relied on.

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  • It's alright, but like all humor, for it to work, it needs to be in the correct circumstance. Still though, I imagine you say it a bit snarky and cheeky which is pretty cool.

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  • There's something to be said for both being able to be serious and being able to joke around. If you're constantly joking and people find it difficult to pay you an honest compliment, because you make a joke out of it then it can become unattractive.

    That said, how you say it is everything. Like your first line was fine, the army of cats line was pretty funny, but the dead corpse line was just out there lol. Seems like you're reaching, rather than just saying thank you : D

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  • If you like it, there's no reason to change. Your sense of humor is a part of you that shows the world how you think. Just dont take it to the extreme, it can get annoying when someone is stuck on the same joke for years.

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  • Making jokes about yourself is great, but compliments are not the best time for that because you will let the compliment giver know that there comment is not appreciated, not taken to heart and they may perceive it as a call of disinterest towards them.

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  • Nah, I love it. Shows a girl doesn’t take herself too seriously.

    Too many people in this world take themselves too seriously.

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  • The first two examples are humorous, quick witted responses in my opinion, the third is a little... grim. 😛 lol

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  • Well it is a great way to allow the person to carry a conversation with you. Like by asking how many cats you have, do you work in a graveyard and well, I'd probably ask if you told every guy that for the shower joke. So I can easily think of a response for all of those.

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  • Those examples are rather silly... but some people can do it in a surprising way, when you don't expect such joke at all. Than it can be hilaric!
    Humor that comes as a total surprise is generally the best :D

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  • Pffff, if pulled off right, self-deprecating humour is perfect to engage in some witty back and forth banter.

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  • There are levels of severity to take into account.

    As for your examples, the first two are fine. The last one comes across as "please tell me more nice things."

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  • If used excessively, yeah.

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  • It's real nice, I love it, shows you're humble and not stuck up... but if used the wrong way would come off as sarcasm lol

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  • I find it funny, probably could be anoing at times. But I'd say in this case if he can't get over it it's probably time for him to move on.

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  • Depends on the context and who's talking to you. As long as you accept the compliments for what they are.

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  • I like it. I make jokes which are…well…not even similar but yet…similar. :-D

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  • Unattractive and very lame most of the time.

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  • That's not even self-deprecating humor.
    A self-deprecating joke would be something like
    "What do you do in your life?" "I suck."

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  • It can be a little bit off putting. You have to get better at knowing when to just accept the compliment.

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  • Not unless it is done by the person all of the time. If it is, then it tens to stray from funny to sad...

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  • Poking fun at yourself all the time isn't a good look at all. Occasionally and in good taste

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  • I think it's okay to joke , life's too short with no humor.

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  • I had no idea tht was even a thing

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  • in excess yeah

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What Girls Said 19

  • Only if you make jokes about yourself like that left and right. Like if you respond to every single compliment with something like that. Instead of coming off as confident and funny (not taking yourself too seriously) it might end up coming off as insecure and you not knowing how to just say thank you. Or you "hiding in plain sight" with your insecurities - always joking about them to make you look highkey confident but it makes you lowkey seem like you think about these things all the time. And instead of it being funny it just makes it seem like you're dragging yourself.
    I have a friend like that, she's a great person and really does have a great sense of humor. But after getting to know her better and some of the insecurities she has, her self-deprecating humor now has a different undertone. And sometimes I wish that she would stop trash talking herself, even if she's cloaking it as "humor".

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  • I prefer witty humor. Self-deprecating humor isn't witty , it's not really funny. People with that sort of humor tend to make jokes ALL of the time , in most situations. It becomes boring. And you can't have a serious conversation with them without them cracking a joke. That's always been my experience with people who have a self-deprecating humor

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  • Some of those aren't really self deprecating, but to me, they're unattractive. Some guys take them way too far and just show that they're actually really insecure. I'm not going to laugh at their misfortune and insecurity. It's just really weird and puts me off them pretty fast.

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  • it depends. It can range from cute to clever. But at the wrong time or too much it can show a lack of self esteem which is not attractive.

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  • I think it depends on delivery. Irish and Scottish people pull off self deprecating humour fantastically lol. I think it can be unattractive when its said monotonously, or if there's a twang of bitterness to it.

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  • it's a you think you're funny, you enjoy to reply this way.
    from the other side, to hear it always is boring, cos it's not really a unique reply

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  • Nah, self deprivation humor is good. Way better than seeming pompous of ones self, or the humble brag.

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  • To a point, no, because it shows that you don't have an ego problem but do have a sense of humor. Like anything though, you can have too much of a good thing.

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  • First one is so me, I tell them I look pretty when I shower. I don't care if they laugh, I think I'm funny.

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  • haha I lve that

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  • Not funny or attractive if it’s distasteful but it can be alluring

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  • oh boy... that is like- telling them "I dont want to be around you now."

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  • Self deprecating humour is ok, but yours is lame. It'll be attractive if you can do it not lame.

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  • I think it's pretty funny. My boyfriend makes small dick jokes all the time lol

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    • Lol. Does he have a small dick? 😂

    • @Crazycooldude nope, it's serious good dick. The jokes are pretty funny and I think they show he doesn't take himself all that seriously, which is attractive to me. Self deprecating humor is really funny when done right

  • It can be funny, but its over the top a lot of times.

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  • To be honest those sound more like sarcasm than self depreciating humor.

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  • They're not funny.

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  • I have the same sense of humor myself so it's a nice plus for me honestly.

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  • It's definitely off putting. Sometimes it's funny but majority of the time I see it as rude and they don't want to be bothered so they say something obscene... or they have low self esteem

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