How can I get guys to see me as more than a potential sex partner?

So I guess I'm pretty attractive or whatever. Bartenders usually take a good amount off my bill or give me free shots. The guys at my job help me with everything. I have men approaching me in various, awkward places, like on the bus or while I'm shopping. Or even when I'm walking my dog.

That would be okay if any of these men were actually interested in getting to know me. When I have given some of them a chance usually they just want me to Netflix and chill or some of them already have gfs! Like wtf, who does that?

I don't know how to get men to see me as someone worth getting to know. I don't dress provocatively. I'm ot fucking everyone. When I mention having a friendship first or going on dates guys disappear.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Think you are looking at it the wrong way. Some guys will never see you as anything but a sex object. Other guys are honestly interested in finding deep relationships. But ALL guys like ‘eye candy’ & sex... Anyhow, you don’t ‘get’ men to see you as more. You just need to learn to identify the kinds of guys more likely to want more. And stick to your standards.

    There’s no point telling a guy you want a friendship first. He will only hear what he wants to hear. Better to simply ask a guy what he’s looking for. If he does not say getting to know you, move on. No exceptions.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • The fastest/easiest path for you at first would be to circulate more = more guys in conversation until you find one that makes conversation flow like a dam burst. You two can't stop taking and rarely have to jump start one. On this experience can you build others that may not be so natural a match, similar to the ones in your complaint.

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What Guys Said 38

  • *chuckles* I approach women walking their dogs quite a bit. Of course, it's the dog I want to meet, not the owner. But with women, they think it's all about themselves. Same with kids, actually. I've told any number of mothers that I was using them as an excuse to play with their children rather than using their children as an excuse to approach them. Kids are my favorite class of people.
    You want to meet guys who aren't out to just pick up girls? Stay out of pick-up joints. Take a class. Go to church (or temple, or whatever). Join a group with an active purpose. I like gaming, volunteering, and playing cards for this, myself, but you can find groups for almost anything. How about the zoo? Players usually avoid that place. Or art galleries/museums. Clubs, bars, and concerts are for hooking up; you're looking in the wrong places.
    Also, consider you may be unconsciously putting out a "do not approach" vibe. That means only the dedicated players will actually come up to you; the ones who are only interested in scoring. The gentlemen will avoid you out of respect for your signal.

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    • LOL, this is sooo true!

      Especially about the dogs thing.. man EVERY SINGLE time!!

  • Most men are pigs, if they ask to do something with you as soon as they see you they probably just want sex, it's the ones that hesatate the ones that don't know what to say, the ones that help you without saying a word, the ones that watch you when your not looking, those are the good ones, and there usally turned away if they see a jerk like described above talking to you, quite simply you just need to send the random ones away and talk to the ones that don't say anything, keep your eyes open, watch for the quite ones that are hard workers, and talk to them, it probably won't be the best conversation you've had, but so what, in our current society being a sex hungry pig is excepted as right and normal so the guys you want are gonna be kinda pushed out, pushed out and are almost outcasts, of course none of us are perfect, there will always be exceptions, but my guess go for the award one a help him out some and you might just find what you are looking for, of course then there's the option of becoming a Christian, we have some very reserved and healthy vews about how sex should be used. Though that's not something you should consider unless your willing to go all in, I probably repeated myself a few times but I hope it's helpful.

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  • At least you've found a quick and easy way of filtering out the unserious types that aren't interested in a relationship.
    When you meet someone through a social circle, school, work, volunteer activities, or hobbies, you hopefully have a better chance of being appreciated for your other qualities.

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  • Well what do you look like? I mean how are you dressing, make up, how do you move act etc? We are constantly sending signals and for what ever reason these men think your sending the signal for sex. It could also be where your at. What kinds of guys are approaching you? Where do you go to look for a prospective date?

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  • Have a conversation with them. When they say Netflix, you come back with no, there's this? and fill in the question mark with something that interests you, ie: global warming, status of greenhouse effects, Donald Trump vs. North Korea etc. You may be surprised by their facial expression? I don't know this to be true but maybe these guys when seeing a beautifully put together woman, then they assume she's an "airhead" or like you said that "she's fucking..." I say show off your brain.

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What Girls Said 7

  • When a guy runs away at the thought of friendship first, good riddance. Dont be afraid to lose those kinds of men and focus more on guys who stays around to get to know you better.

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  • Easy: If what you are doing doesn't give you the results that you want, do something completely different.
    Change the way you interact with men, find your center and talk from there. A man that really is into you, will "flow" with your values and interests no matter what.

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  • Keep doing what you are doing. But try going to places where guys aren't likely to want just a hook up. Bars are a huge no go for meeting guys in my opinion. Because they just want sex.

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  • I feel this guys just want sex however I won't and don't just have sex so you just have to wait I guess

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  • You just need to take your time getting to know the guys. If they don’t care for that part of the dating/courting process, move on to the next guy.

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