How can I get guys to see me as more than a potential sex partner?

So I guess I'm pretty attractive or whatever. Bartenders usually take a good amount off my bill or give me free shots. The guys at my job help me with everything. I have men approaching me in various, awkward places, like on the bus or while I'm shopping. Or even when I'm walking my dog.

That would be okay if any of these men were actually interested in getting to know me. When I have given some of them a chance usually they just want me to Netflix and chill or some of them already have gfs! Like wtf, who does that?

I don't know how to get men to see me as someone worth getting to know. I don't dress provocatively. I'm ot fucking everyone. When I mention having a friendship first or going on dates guys disappear.


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What Guys Said 39

  • Think you are looking at it the wrong way. Some guys will never see you as anything but a sex object. Other guys are honestly interested in finding deep relationships. But ALL guys like ‘eye candy’ & sex... Anyhow, you don’t ‘get’ men to see you as more. You just need to learn to identify the kinds of guys more likely to want more. And stick to your standards.

    There’s no point telling a guy you want a friendship first. He will only hear what he wants to hear. Better to simply ask a guy what he’s looking for. If he does not say getting to know you, move on. No exceptions.

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  • Best bet, get to know guys through activities. A club, community, class, or volunteer work. Be friendly with a guy you are interested in and see where it takes you. Who knows, you may have to suggest hanging out as friends until he formally asks you on a date. You could try flirting, but this will work best for a guy who acts shy or uncertain around you. If you are only attracted to very assertive guys, you are going to risk meeting a fuckboy, just as you have the risk of meeting a truly insecure guy if you are interested in shy or introverted men.

    There are no guarantees.

    If you don't want casual sex, then don't have it. The truth is though, many guys who seriously want a long-term relationship will need to get to know you first in a way that isn't centered around them noticing you for your beauty. That goes back to the social meetup, be friends first, kind of warm approach.

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  • *chuckles* I approach women walking their dogs quite a bit. Of course, it's the dog I want to meet, not the owner. But with women, they think it's all about themselves. Same with kids, actually. I've told any number of mothers that I was using them as an excuse to play with their children rather than using their children as an excuse to approach them. Kids are my favorite class of people.
    You want to meet guys who aren't out to just pick up girls? Stay out of pick-up joints. Take a class. Go to church (or temple, or whatever). Join a group with an active purpose. I like gaming, volunteering, and playing cards for this, myself, but you can find groups for almost anything. How about the zoo? Players usually avoid that place. Or art galleries/museums. Clubs, bars, and concerts are for hooking up; you're looking in the wrong places.
    Also, consider you may be unconsciously putting out a "do not approach" vibe. That means only the dedicated players will actually come up to you; the ones who are only interested in scoring. The gentlemen will avoid you out of respect for your signal.

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    • LOL, this is sooo true!

      Especially about the dogs thing.. man EVERY SINGLE time!!

  • I wouldn't disappear if you wanted to be just friends for a bit, or go on a date.

    I've never been on a date or been in a relationship, or intimate with anyone in anyway.

    And I avoid those who dress provocatively, because every guy would be chasing them and think they are easy to get in bed with.

    But I'm not like other guys, I get turned down cause they see me as 'too nice' or 'too soft' for a guy.
    But thats just how I am because of how my mum raised me.

    It would be cool to get to know you, friendly of course, but the problem with that is,
    Your anonymous.
    And I'm from the UK.

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  • It's called dating - and yes, do that, a LOT, just don't have sex with them 'till you're sure you want a committed relationship with them. And no, guys aren't interested in being put in the friendzone first, they'll next you before you can even get started. If you're interested, then let them know that, but make sure you actually have a chance to get to know before you're having sex with them.

    Girls are the keepers of sex. Guys are the keepers of commitment. Don't be giving up yours 'till you have at least a little of his, otherwise it's a pump-and-dump.

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  • Most men are pigs, if they ask to do something with you as soon as they see you they probably just want sex, it's the ones that hesatate the ones that don't know what to say, the ones that help you without saying a word, the ones that watch you when your not looking, those are the good ones, and there usally turned away if they see a jerk like described above talking to you, quite simply you just need to send the random ones away and talk to the ones that don't say anything, keep your eyes open, watch for the quite ones that are hard workers, and talk to them, it probably won't be the best conversation you've had, but so what, in our current society being a sex hungry pig is excepted as right and normal so the guys you want are gonna be kinda pushed out, pushed out and are almost outcasts, of course none of us are perfect, there will always be exceptions, but my guess go for the award one a help him out some and you might just find what you are looking for, of course then there's the option of becoming a Christian, we have some very reserved and healthy vews about how sex should be used. Though that's not something you should consider unless your willing to go all in, I probably repeated myself a few times but I hope it's helpful.

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  • Have a conversation with them. When they say Netflix, you come back with no, there's this? and fill in the question mark with something that interests you, ie: global warming, status of greenhouse effects, Donald Trump vs. North Korea etc. You may be surprised by their facial expression? I don't know this to be true but maybe these guys when seeing a beautifully put together woman, then they assume she's an "airhead" or like you said that "she's fucking..." I say show off your brain.

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  • Well what do you look like? I mean how are you dressing, make up, how do you move act etc? We are constantly sending signals and for what ever reason these men think your sending the signal for sex. It could also be where your at. What kinds of guys are approaching you? Where do you go to look for a prospective date?

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  • Time to join the hate group! Stop the age of casual sex!!
    Join us! And you'll be called an oppressor too! Win win!

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    • You're already the victim, asker. The victim of casual sex dating world.

  • You can't.

    This is the new normal, "dating", "respect", "loyalty" are things of the past between men and women in the sexual marketplace.

    You can thank Feminism if you want to be angry but that won't change anything.

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  • when i tried being a decent, respectful guy, and actually approach girls i find attractive for the purpose of having something serious, they played games on me, they talked to me behind their bfs backs or flat out acted unintersted... and all these girls have one thing in common, they gave me a lot of attention, lots of flirting in fact you would think they were even crushing on me, its normal for me, i can easilly find a girl staring my way no matter where i go.

    now i stopped doing that, i realized all these girls are looking for a proivder, for a guy who has money to buy them stuff, i lack that so iam just trying to get sex nothing more nothing less, attractive or not when i was nice they abused my niceness.

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  • All guys can't be trained
    but finding one guy that speaks your language can be
    if you continue to keep an eye peeled and frequent better venues.
    How about dance lessons - they lead to quite a busy social calendar and very large circle of nice guys

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  • Respect yourself and let them know they aren't getting the cookie without serious commitment like marriage.

    Otherwise you will continue to run into men that just want to smash you for a period of time til they can replace you with someone prettier and better in their minds.

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  • Stay firm. Someone worth the wait will appear eventually. Also you could try going on blind dates.

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  • What do you mean, who does that? Boys are attracted to lots of girls, just like girls are attracted to lots of boys. Having a SO doesn't change that. If they're approaching you, there may be something amiss in their relationship and you seem inviting and alluring, like an out, somehow. A way out. I'm sure there's something in your life that you can relate to in exactly the same way, even if it's not necessarily a guy.

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    • Someone did describe as that before, a distraction from their problems, and I was pissed.

    • *describe me

    • 7d

      Why did you feel that way?

  • At least you've found a quick and easy way of filtering out the unserious types that aren't interested in a relationship.
    When you meet someone through a social circle, school, work, volunteer activities, or hobbies, you hopefully have a better chance of being appreciated for your other qualities.

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  • You can`t. Also everyguy wants sex from you. Differ between someone that cares and someone that only wants sex. While talking ask what they`re looking for, if they want to keep it open you know

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  • You will meet lots of shitty guys in life but one day a good one will come when you least expect it. 😊

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  • That's just the curse of looking good. Guys will always wanna fuck you first then get to know you.

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  • they will see you as a potential sex partner all the time and all of them, just maybe few of them smart enough who will pretend as if they dont see you like that, and they will get in your pants, but it is fucking reality, just in romantic movies there is for what you are looking

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  • Conrtribute to mankind something worthy of a nobel peace prize would be a good way.

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  • Enjoy it while it lasts. You will slam face first into The Wall before you know it.

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  • Damn I wonder the same of girls 😥

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  • Ur just really hot i assume, but the right guy will come along eventually

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  • What else do you have to offer?

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    • 7d

      Idek. I work a crappy job, school is taking all my money and I'm eating 7/11 sandwiches all the time so I don't run put of money.

  • what do you do are you interesting

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    • 7d

      I go to school. I do news stories every week for class. I don't sleep a lot. I work between school. That's about it.

    • 7d

      If a catch could jump ship at the drop of a hat perhaps a cat might take flight of fancy

  • When these people offer you discounts on your bill, free shots etc. Do you accept?

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  • Show more of your body

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  • U ill know the difference in love and lust after first night

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    • 7d

      Bullshit! If you don't feel love before first night - there is no love.

  • Go and talk to that person

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 8

  • You have to learn that most attention from men mean nothing. They see an attractive girl and they are gonna look, they might try to talk to you. Stop giving random men the time of day because they are not worth it. Unless you happen to just want a hook up and he's your type, otherwise don't bother.
    If you're trying to find a boyfriend you'll have to set the pace of the relationship by getting to know him, holding him to your standards, and not letting him get away with treating you like a piece of ass.

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  • When a guy runs away at the thought of friendship first, good riddance. Dont be afraid to lose those kinds of men and focus more on guys who stays around to get to know you better.

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  • Keep doing what you are doing. But try going to places where guys aren't likely to want just a hook up. Bars are a huge no go for meeting guys in my opinion. Because they just want sex.

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  • You just need to take your time getting to know the guys. If they don’t care for that part of the dating/courting process, move on to the next guy.

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  • Easy: If what you are doing doesn't give you the results that you want, do something completely different.
    Change the way you interact with men, find your center and talk from there. A man that really is into you, will "flow" with your values and interests no matter what.

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  • I feel this guys just want sex however I won't and don't just have sex so you just have to wait I guess

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  • If you found one please tell me how you’ve done that, cause We are in the same boat 🚣

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  • The fastest/easiest path for you at first would be to circulate more = more guys in conversation until you find one that makes conversation flow like a dam burst. You two can't stop taking and rarely have to jump start one. On this experience can you build others that may not be so natural a match, similar to the ones in your complaint.

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