I cannot find one flaw of him. Is this a red flag?

Ok, this may sound ridiculous but here goes: the guy js too perfect. I (21) met a guy (25) recently and we have been dating for three weeks... We see each other three times a week, and he is the most attentive and the nicest guy I have been with: he would always check on me on the phone after work everyday or surprise me at my door, and he always plan out romantic dates for us. This actually means a lot to me as I have been in several abusive relationships before in my life. But here's the problem: Is it possible for someone to be perfect? So far, he has always presented me his best self. I could not name one flaw of him... is that suspicious? Could he be hiding something?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Perhaps because you are so used to abusive relationships the thought of something actually working sets you off? If you ask me, you became too comfortable with abusive relationships. Just enjoy a good one for once

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What Guys Said 32

  • Well, I truly believe no one is perfect. He could be close to be, but I'm sure he has flaws. I don't want to destroy your perfect guy, don't get me wrong. It's still the honeymoon phase, there is still a lot of things to learn about him. Enjoy this period while you can, because once you settle in a more comfortable period, you'll see the whole picture. You could poke around here and there, ask about his interest, world views and such.

    I wish you all the best!

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  • Well, let me tell you something.

    Have you seen him at his worst? How does he handle it?

    Might be best you ask him, because everyone reacts differently under severe stress and that could be line that snaps between coming out strong or breaking them in all the wrong places.

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  • You just have to take it slow and get to know him before you get too emotionally invested. That way you can know the actual person and not what you think they are or want them to be.

    But I think it's not a good thing to get paranoid or suspicious etc. That will not lead to good things. So take things slow but don't start doubting everything and trying to find something to dislike or something wrong etc. You'll just destroy a good thing ^^

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  • He is a secret alien agent sent from Mars to find females like you and make them fall in love and make children to breed their kind, since they have no females and they are dependent on us. But maybe they are researching women to make their own kind so they need no help from us. He may take you to Mars and become their queen to breed their species.

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  • Well he can still be like that but wait til the move in together phase comes around u will see more of his habits and im sure there will be something u dont like, after all no relationship is perfect its the flaws that make them intresting and fun

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  • it is due to your previous bad experience with abusive relationships. your Brain thinking this and it is a good thing your brain wants you to save. you should be careful as well as you should need to think optimistically.
    i cannot say he is good or bad just by this information. rather than thinking about yourself see what is his behaviour with surroundings how he treats people this will help you much... and All the best

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  • There is no way to know for sure until you've been in a relationship with him, but he hasn't given you any reason to think he isn't what he has so far shown himself to be. Relax, and enjoy- try not to worry too much, and appreciate what you have. When the right opportunity arises, talk to him about what you've experienced.

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  • So basically after 9 dates he seems perfect? Let's talk after the 99th date :)

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  • 3 weeks is no time at all. It's too soon to be able to really know someone. Eventually the dates will get boring and he'll run out of steam because all of these things take a lot of effort. No man can keep this sort of thing up forever. It doesn't mean it'll never happened again but this is your typical honeymoon period whilst he grooms you.

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  • You've been conditioned to believe that all men are inherently horrible.

    Nice guys do exist!! If you use this a reason to stop dating him I feel sorry for you.

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  • He's a spy RUN RUN
    Dafuq is this? See why u girls are complicated🙄
    When boys are douchebags u complain and when they r nice u complain😒😒

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  • Why don't you guys believe he could just be a nice guy.
    You always complain that there are no nice guys and end up with abusive douchebags and then complaint about him to those nice guys.
    Go for it girl, you've found gold.
    Do everything to make him stay with you, as long as he stays nice to you of course.

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  • It really shouldn’t be, at least depending on what you take as flaws. Of course, give it some more time yet, but what you take as perfectly normal someone else could find to be a massive red flag. I’m probably over analyzing this, but that’s a separate reason. If he gives you proved reason to trust him, then take it. Sounds like you may have found someone pretty well rounded, and it’s best to not throw that away just based off of assumptions.

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  • he may just seem perfect to you!..

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  • Seems normal to me. That's what I do so I'd consider it normal since o don't know how other men treat relationships...

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  • To be honest just ride it out until you find flaws the more you look the more it might seem like you are finding a reason to break up with him in his head. Besides 3 weeks is still considered to be the honey moon phase where you are still blind to certain things

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  • Not all guys are bad and some just make sure they have no red flag but that doesn't mean let your guard down too

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  • you need more time to discover his imperfections

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  • He could.

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  • Just roll with it, flags will come

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  • Disagree with him

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  • Checking phone and visiting without informing is not a sign of trust

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  • His poop smells, lol, you need to calm down, but do not let your guard down

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  • I just wanted to know how does being 21 but displaying your age as 28 really help?

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  • You can start by adjusting your age, so your profile and text matches.

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  • yoru age says 28..

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  • May be he is pretending to get what he wanted like sex may be.

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  • Im intersted with you for date

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  • Hm, younger woman older man, how cliche

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  • Maybe you’re just soul mates

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What Girls Said 11

  • No. That is because you've been conditioned to be in those abusive relationships before him. The thing is, if you didn't start out as friends first, which you didn't, then it is highly possible that you are missing red flags. However, if you are that concerned then I suggest that you address things that do concern you to him BEFORE you become official. There is no rush. If you can't trust the situation then don't do anything until you get a solid answer.

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  • 3 weeks is still too short to know. Give it some months. You haven't seen nothing too much

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  • lol, give it sometime they all have one

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  • Nah girl! if you said you've been previous abusive relationships, you'd obviously be picking out many things that would make you be cautious of him. I'm in the similar thing, I've been in very bad relationships before I met the guy I'm with now and to me he's absolutely perfect. I went through the phase of thinking the same thing you're thinking, but he's just perfect in your eyes, and from what you've been through, you just think it may be too good to be true.

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  • It's difficult to say. I'm normally careful and think everyone has flaws.
    But you know, at the beginning everyone seem to be perfect, so, don't worry too much about it. Give yourself time and you will see the whole picture. Just keep your mind clear and everything will be fine :-)

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  • He s not perfect, you just haven't gotten to know him that well yet. Enjoy it while it lasts.

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  • I would just take it slow and be so careful, he might just be an awesome
    person but you never be to sure

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  • It's 3 weeks. They're always perfect that early on.

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  • Give it more time and you'll probably sees and show his flaws.

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  • It's good that things are going well so far. But what you're experiencing now is new-relationship energy and infatuation. Enjoy him, but also know, reality will set in and he will prove to be human, so prepare yourself for this and think ahead - have a clear sense of your values, so you don't blow-up at a minor human mistake, but you also don't gloss over huge personality flaws as they come up. Keep your head on straight.

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  • You've already been in several abusive relationships. This tells me one of two things, possibly both: you're desperate for love and quickly choose anyone who gives it, or you are in some way damaged yourself and thus more accepting of damaged people.

    Three fact that you are already looking for flaws in him is definitely a sign that you are damaged, obviously from being abused previously.

    Yes, he is starting off a little strong, and abusive types almost always start off being too good to be true. Surprising you at the door is a red flag to me, as it shows some possible controlling traits with wanting to know where you are and who you're with. Is he the one always planning the dates, or does he ever ask you what you want first?

    Its highly possible that he's just really inexperienced in dating and doesn't know any better, and the others are right, it really is too soon to tell.

    My advice to you is to be firm with him about not doing anything that you really don't want to do. Do let him think he can control you. If he is dangerous, you'll find out much sooner if he doesn't feel like he has that control.

    Yes, I speak from personal experience myself.

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