I feel stupid.. what do you think?

So, we've been hanging out for a month now. I invited him over to have a few beers and everything was going great, as I said he knows I'm a virgin. We're nextdoor neighbors by the way, I asked him to go to his place just because I didn't really feel comfortable in my house knowing that my brother was about to come back. He said no and I got mad, after discussing it for awhile I just turned my back and kinda walked away. He got mad too because of me acting that way but there was simply a misunderstanding. He then explained that he said no because he respected my virginity and he just wanted to avoid getting in some weird situations. But, anyway, he kept telling me that he didn't feel like remaining at my place, he needed some time and space to get over my behaviour and the way I had reacted. I started to be afraid of him distancing himself from me so I kinda begged him to stay and said that I didn't want this to change whatever we have. He then told me to relax, that tomorrow he'll still talk to me and nothing will have changed. I don't know, I just feel like he'll grow distant, I texted him saying that I was sorry for what had happened and that I really cared about him and I don't want this episode to change anything we're building. He replied and told me to relax because nothing serious had happened. I have this recurring fear of people letting me down and abandoning me. What do you think about this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Guys are used to getting rejected. From a guy’s POV if you flip out over someone saying, ‘no’ it comes across as batshit crazy, clingy, controlling, stalkerish. It could remind him of someone he knew in the past who was bad news. Even tho, sure, from your POV it is just how you felt for a moment.

    The worse thing you can do is keep asking him to convince you that what he said was true or to try and get him to say what you want yo hear. Just leave him alone till he contacts you.


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What Guys Said 1

  • My opinion is that he was being honest saying that it's nothing serious and he'll still talk with you tomorrow and nothing will have changed. It is normal to have disagreements in a relationship and be angry with your partner at the time but unless it is something really bad it usually doesn't change the relationship.

    I do think that in the future it would be better if, instead of getting mad, you have an open discussion about why you want to do what you want to do and why he wants to do what he wants to do. Being sure you both understand each other will hopefully allow you to make a joint decision that you are both comfortable with while avoiding getting angry at each other.

    Based on what you've said, I think you should not worry and just count this as a learning experience. I think this will not likely have any effect on your relationship and if you learn how to resolve issues better it will be a good thing in the long run.

    My understanding of his comments about your virginity are that he respects that and was concerned that if you went to his place he might have a harder time resisting his desires and he didn't want to do that. If that's accurate, then I think that's a very positive thing. I think that means he cares about you and respects you and also knows himself well enough to know when he could be getting into a situation where he might do something he really doesn't want to. That shows maturity on his part.

    Overall, from my understanding of what you've described, I think you have nothing to worry about.


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