Sharing about your sexual past to your current partner - how much honesty to be expected?

Including ex gfs/bfs, former crushes, former friends with benefits, one night stands, friends whom you hooked up with once.. Do you only tell when asked? Or lie even when you're asked? Or just simply agree on don't ask don't tell?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Most people lie out of fear and shame, and some do not want to hear the truth out of fear and shame... notice any recurring themes...

    ''The past is the past'' or ''don't ask, don't tell'' seem to be very popular mantras but those are not born from acceptance or honesty, they are also born from fear and shame.

    Most people are ashamed of their past, and most people lie in an attempt to safe guard a possible future... but when this happens most people are creating barriers with each other, and are robbing themselves of a much deeper connection. When you lie... you don't only fool your partner, you also fool yourself.

    The coward lies a thousand times...

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    • I don't know about others, but to me, it's exactly why "the past is the past" that one should not hide about it. It's meant for the new partner to learn about you. But I'm pretty sure I'm not in the majority.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm not so interested in how many he's slept with or how many girlfriends he's had. I'm more interested in what experiences he has had, I'll sometimes ask him "have you ever done ___?" etc.

    As for him asking me I'll tell him honestly but I only tell if he asks, if there are things he doesn't wanna know then I'm not just gonna bring it up. People don't always wanna know absolutely everything.

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What Guys Said 29

  • I wouldn't ask her about her exes, but would expect her to tell me (but only when she is ready) something relevant such as a child given up for adoption. The same goes for me as well.

    You don't Need to go into deep detail on these things unless it is something that your partner should know in committed relationship. If they ask, you should answer truthfully because it's obviously important to them to know.

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  • I would never ask. Unless the girl had an STD (or a child) then her sexual past isn't relevant to me and it's none of my business. To me, all this interrogation and inquiry about a partner's sexual past just leads to distrust and doesn't help the relationship. I don't assume or expect a girl's sexuality to have begun just when she met me.

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  • The right boyfriend will not even ask you. He trusts that you have moved on and the past does not matter as long as your std test results are shared.

    I don’t think you are obligated to answer any question about that stuff that goes back more than like a year. And if someone keeps talking to me about their past relationship (s) it makes me wonder wtf they are so focused on it instead of us.

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  • I think if I was asked then I would tell but that's about it even though I would like to know hers probably at the same time I don't want to know about it because you can't change it so it doesn't even matter what do you think would you tell if you were asked

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  • When the situation calls for it, there is no harm in bringing up an experience but anonymising it. Your partner has no right to know your sexual history or your relationship history but it might be a good thing to say if you didn't enjoy something, for example, so he knows there is a reason you are avoiding a certain activity. The same if you react badly to something and it freaks him out.

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  • This almost always ends badly... immediately or after time... I believe this is something that requires a lot of maturity which not many people can afford.

    You need to gauge your partner based on how well you know they'll react. Only after knowing what to expect then can you be honest or not.

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    • Quite true! I think a lot of people behave like, "don't tell me about your past". When in actual fact, the past is what made you who you are today

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    • No idea. People just love making drama.

    • We should do our best to stay far and watch lol

  • Who wants to hear a man or woman talk about what she did sexually with a past boyfriend, girlfriend or whatever?

    Don't ask if you don't really want to get hurt.

    Ask if you want to decide if you want to be with him or her after she told you all the freaky stuff he or she has already done with someone else.

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  • I always just say that I don't do casual sex and that I'm not interested in someone who does.

    But I don't talk about any specifics of my sexual history unless they ask for it specifically or they tell me something that pertains to it or warrants them being informed about it.

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    • Ok I do have a grey area question here. Let's just say I've gone through 7 years of singlehood and of course, I had my fair share of rejection (both me rejecting and me being rejected) and casual sex (only ONS, never FWB). On my part, I admitted that I do have quite a colorful past, but it's not like I'm proud of doing casual sex so it's kinda something I've stopped doing for an least a year now.

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    • Sometimes, I really wished that he hadn't lied when I asked about the old crush! I would've had much more confidence in this and stop checking his phone on and off.

    • Yeah, not disclosing if not asked is somewhat acceptable but straight up lying is totally off limits in my opinion.
      It's things you should definitely talk about with your partner.

  • Only tell when asked and be 100%. If not asked, don't volunteer. If he doesn't ask it isn't important to him. But, know this: If a guy asks it is important. An extensive sexual past is a deal breaker for me. Tells me everything I need or want to know. Don't let a man fall for you under false pretenses.

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  • i don't need a list. but be honest with me and i will with you.

    i fucked who i fucked, if she can't handle it we probably aren't suitable for each other. but i have no reason to rub my history in her face.

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    • Yea I agree. The reason why I don't intentionally tell is because I had my fair share of crushes and hookups (no friends with benefits though) through 7 years of singlehood. If he asks about one specific guy though I'd still tell.

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    • Would rather it not start at all

    • bingo. especially true with casuals; if i can't be honest with her about what i have experienced, nor her be honest with me about her own, we are gonna get nowhere fast.

      "i had lots of anal because i love it, but i'd better not tell her in case it makes her uncomfortable" fuck that 😂

  • It all depends on your relationship. My current girlfriend and I are very close and honest.. She knows about my long time girlfriend that betrayed me, a girl that manipulated me and ripped my heart out, a girl I manipulated for sex. It all depends on your relationship, trust for her, and how crazy she is

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    • I like this :)

      Anyone with a partner like that is very very fortunate.

  • No honesty at all can be expected cause no one feels for u other than ur parents so first make urself stand at a place where these people will respect u n make a strong bond with them before telling them about ur past

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  • I love it when she tells me about her past relationships, she is very shy and any opening up its welcomed. I only hide a few things from her. I try to be honest most of the time

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  • It's not a good idea to share your sexual past in detail to the one you currently love, because s/he may start comparing to your exes.

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  • Out of sight, out of mind.

    If you do not have an STD, and we are not getting married, I do not care to and I do not want to know.

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  • I don’t think it’s necessary to share information on past relationships. They are in the past for a reason just leave it at that

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  • I mean I don't go out of my way to tell everyone I meet but if someone is curious I don't mind sharing

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  • I tell what ever she wants to know. Usually she wants tons of details

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  • i do not care about a partners past but are open about mine. i have nothing to hide

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    • I think your opinion is legit. For me, I expect a lot of honesty on this as the past is what made you you today. But that's of course just me :)

    • we all life differently and see through different eyes :)

  • if you value tge one who is asking tgen come clean fir then she know how experiance you are.

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What Girls Said 6

  • I don't want to know. Zero sharing.

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  • As much as you're comfortable about. Not lying of course.

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  • I've always believed in being totally open and honest, and therefore would like the same in return.

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  • I never lie about anything, I'd tell him anything he wants to know

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  • I guess basic honesty. Number of partners. And anything kinky he tried.

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  • I am open about mine i have nothing to hide

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