How do you keep trying?

After feeling depressed, overwhelmed at work, and not dating at all for a year, I finally decided to try online again. I met an amazing guy last weekend. We had a wonderful time and he said he wanted to see me again. He texted me right after the date to thank me and we talked a bit more via text.

Thursday, I texted him Happy Thanksgiving and asked if he wanted to get together this weekend. He said he can't because he has his son but maybe one night this week, and hasn't gotten back to me. Since my availability is limited, I was hoping he'd let me know by now but he hasn't.

He was so enthusiastic at first, but I know from experience that it's not uncommon to enjoy meeting someone and like their personality but not be attracted to them. He's quite attractive and in good shape. I am overweight and the only recent photo I had of myself for the dating site was a head shot. I wouldn't be surprised if he's having second thoughts and I don't hear from him again.

It's okay. I get it. I have no unrealistic expectations. He's newly divorced, has a master's degree and his own business, and is probably just realizing all his options. One good date is more than I've had in years, and at my age there just aren't that many options.

So I'm trying to look on the bright side, and I know it may sound like I'm jumping to conclusions, but as a veteran of this process I know how it goes. I've been on both sides of the "It went great, but" situation before.

This is more of a vent than a question, really. Thanks for listening.
I wouldn't have tried at all, but a male friend gave me a lecture about how men aren't as picky about women's bodies as we think they are, that he'd much rather take a woman to bed he can hug and squeeze than a skinny twig, and so on. He was very drunk at the time but I think he was sincere.
I sent a polite, friendly text a few hours ago but didn't get a reply so I deleted his number. I'm really disappointed. Every time I try I tell myself to stay cool and not get too attached, but it still hurts.

At least I tried.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think finding a great match is hard for most, especially with age. I've hear from many girls that gave up. I would weigh what the potential up side can be versus the pain of finding it is and maybe you'll see motivation.


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What Guys Said 5

  • How you keep trying is just to do it. Finding someone I can talk to and share my feelings with has become the greatest challenge of my life. But without someone to share myself with, life loses most of its meaning. Physical attraction is huge but far more important is how you react to me. If you look at me in a certain way, I will be yours. I have to think many people are like that. Just don't give up.

    • Thanks, I like that.

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    • I feel that way too, sometimes, about people at least pretending.

      He did eventually respond and apologize for being out of touch. He suggested maybe next week. I said that sounded good but I'm not holding my breath.

    • You have something to hold on to anyway. It just seems overly difficult to find someone who is willing to carry on a conversation any more. Good luck at least.

  • I'm saddened that you suffered loss yet again. I wish you well. This world is a meat grinder to us all. Some are just unaware as yet. There is justice, there is relief. Stay the course, my friend!

    • Thank you so much. That helps a lot.

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    • Thank you. That's very sweet.

    • My pleasure. I'll be happy to hear when it comes to pass

  • You're focused too much on him. I hear masters, owns business, all him, him, etc. The fuck with him. What about you? You say "I'm overweight". If that's why he doesn't contact you I say you're better without him. If you're unhappy with your weight, what are you trying to do to get back into shape? Don't ever change for someone else but do it for yourself, family & health reasons. If he doesn't call you, his loss, not yours.

    • Hey, I've talked to and gone out with enough blue collar, unemployed, and underemployed guys that finding one who has a good income, a professional career and an advanced degree like I do is truly a needle in the proverbial haystack. We were able to have an intelligent conversation, and he wasn't intimidated by me. That is extremely rare.

      I've lost a little weight but I didn't gain it overnight and it won't disappear overnight. A demanding career, a sedentary job, and trying to take care of a house and my son all by myself don't leave much time or energy to work out, and frankly that's been the least of my worries. I have no illusions. I own it.

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    • Your son may live in his room but that's because of today's technology. When I was a kid I was my dad's remote control. When I was 12 - 17, to my senior year of high school I was a sports playing fanatic. Baseball, basketball and football. Just an athlete. It's hard to think would I have played sports or sat on a couch playing video games? I think I'd have played sports anyway. Can I ask you what country are you in? I'm in the US...

  • you just have to keep grinding on and on, till you can.

  • Well that's the whole thing don't be disappointed be thankful you have to be able to read it all can't just read what you want to read into it because that's probably false look at the whole picture the whole picture is you like him he's newly divorced probably trying to get back with his ex-wife and you feel rejected because he hasn't gotten back with you well that's good look at it is a positive it's better to know right now and thank him right now for letting you know he really doesn't have time for you so move on smile leave me all things like this are not a negative if you look at in a different View it's a blessing and a positive you got your first date out of your hair in a long time now you know how to do your next date a little bit better it takes a few minutes to get back into the groove I think that's why I haven't started dating again yet I just haven't made time that I can't commit to really make it in time and I just don't want to do that to somebody

    • Why would you think he's trying to get together with his ex-wife if they just got divorced? And he can't get back with me cuz we haven't been together yet. We only had one date.

    • Um i dont know its just went threw me at that moment its hard to explain I'm probably wrong just have fun but keep your guard up whatever happens just takes positive from it

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