We spent too much time together. How do couples usually find a balance in terms of contacting each other?

I have been dating this guy for a while now and everything went great - He is the most loving and caring guy I have ever met. We both have incredibly busy schedules, but we always make time for each other either after work/school or on weekends.

This is my first serious relationship, so I am still a bit nervous that I may screw things up. Over the past few weeks, we have been meeting up 3 times a week, which to me is quite a lot. We eventually find ourselves getting a bit overly exhausted after going on dates all the time, and he even admitted that "We've been hanging out A LOT this week, haven't we?".

So we decided to change things up a bit and meet less, given that we both have important meetings and deadlines this week. But I started to realize that this is difficult as well, given that I have grown so used to him calling everyday after work and seeing him in person every other day.

I'm kind of lost now - Should I not contact him at all from now on, or should I still maintain contact with him? How do couples keep in touch with each other without becoming annoying to each other? Thoughts?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • COMMUNICATION! Talking about it is key. The last thing you both want is one feeling less important than the other. You've got to find that balance, the medium that you're looking to find. Start with this, "I think we can still call each other and leave a message" & the person who is busy should try and call back ASAP? That's just my first suggestion to help you get the ball rolling. As you can see that first suggestion is loaded with flexibility, tweeks here & there until it meets both your needs. You'll both find a balance and remember this, that if & when you two take it to another level, ie: live together, it gets easier knowing you'll end each day together. GOOD LUCK!😊

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What Guys Said 18

  • Discuss the issue openly and come to an agreement for a schedule for contact. This problem is what motivates some couples to live together but I don't think this problem, by itself, is a sufficient reason to do that. Remember that it is better to see each other a little bit less often and always be wanting more than to see each other too much and always be resenting the intrusion on your time.

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  • ahh I've gone through this issue too. you sound like you're in the earlyish days of a relationship? maybe, well that was me anyway at one point. we stuck to seeing eachother a lot because we felt like our scheduals didn't let us just casually see eachother, we had to work around what we had going on. talking was usually done in one big block before going to work, and after, like a sweet phone call. its hard, but you just got to find something that works in both of your favours.

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  • Do it when you feel like it. Avoid going out 2gether and exhausting yourselves. But dont stop having connection w esch other. That might make ur relationship cold and you dont want that. Just make meetings and talking a bit less, but dont overdo it. Good luck.

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  • With my girlfriend, I like to randomly send her messages to let her know that I'm thinking of her, if I'm not seeing her that day and just call her for a bit after we both have everything done and just enjoy ourselves. Though, we are quite the opposite. I love spending as much time with her as I can. Though, a message here and there doesn't make you seem desperate, just that you care and are available if they need you.

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  • This is a tough one because there is no easy answer that is going to work for all the couples.

    I think you can stay in touch without being annoying. Maybe send him a text saying he's on your mind. Or ask him how his day is going.

    The key here is to keep it more open so he doesn't feel obligated to reply at that moment if he doesn't have the time.

    Hope this works. Good luck. 😉

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  • Set boundaries and expectations. You do want to keep that passionate interest going. By letting him know he doesn't have to hold on tightly to you, if he already has you, that this will show relationship maturity. Quality over quantity, all day everyday.

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  • You should absolutely still contact him and keep up what has been going well for you.. You say it's a serious relationship.. Serious relationships are hard. THE BEST piece if advice I can give is, see each other as much as you can. Time spent together is something you can't get back and it is valuable... So make the most of it, and make sure there is an aspect of missing the other person.. You want to create that, make it so when you see each other you really appreciate the time you have.

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  • I know the feeling. U can't be with or without another. I had the same with my ex. What we did was, we didn't chat much during the days... but we kept saying gm / gn. And some days we just called another to talk before bed time. And we also could discuss the next time we would meet. Every other day or something.

    by the way, i found it very comfortable to have someone around me even when i am busy. So she just did her thing, while i was doing mine. When we had something to share we did...

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  • I'm lost why this is a issue? So Go each other pace! you shouldn't set a boundary cause you two like being around each other but sometimes small breaks can be best if it's overwhelming so just keep in contact and eventually if you have to see eachother often to survive than so be it.. but don't ignore eachother and cut contact just slow down on physical contact

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  • I'm sure you can call and talk to him. Keep meet ups to maybe twice a week unless for a special occasion. I doubt he'd be annoyed with you.

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What Girls Said 4

  • What will happen when you the two - by any chance- get married? You will meet and talk every day! When i was dating with my hubby i cried when we said goodbye and went home.

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  • I feel like if we're in love we can never speak or see each other too much

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  • Maybe it's been working out because you both are making time for each other and keeping communication. Sometimes "trying" to give space or hang out less changes the relationship due to lack of verbal and physical communication. Either you or him can lose interest, find a different distraction etc. Maybe it was a good thing you saw each other often. I live with my guy and we obviously talk and see each other everyday but we talk until we get home from work, gives us space and something to talk about. It's been working out for us for 5 years.

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  • You can't screw up a natural MATCH that can go the distance.
    It only takes one to feel smothered to know the match is not perfect and totally fulfilling to both parties.
    Putting work first is natural but after a project has been satisfied for the day, time for healing - which usually involves the SO... so if SO time is stressful, you both have to work at it to grease fiction away, it might NOT be a natural enough paring to continue.
    Forcing a break is not natural, another "tell" that this is not an ideal match after all, perhaps passion or rose colored glasses are at fault. Love & hate are described as "temporary insanity".

    When your emotions hurt or even itch, it's time to confess to SO and beg forgiveness for interrupting his business deadlines, which a true lover will either solve immediately or plan a date to solve soon. Showing love is never a screw up except to those that don't love back.

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