Why won’t he make things official and call me his gf?

We’ve been dating for almost 5 months now. We also know almost all of each other’s friends.

We go on out-of-town trips, regular dates, and spend almost all of our free time together. He also drives me and picks me up at work whenever he can. Even if that means 1-2 hours of heavy traffic.

The thing is, he still won’t pop the magic question. He drops hints tho, like ‘Do you see yourself with me in a couple of months?’

Sometimes, I would catch him in between conversations. Like he has something to say or as if he wants to drop the L bomb, but holds back.

It’s sooo darn frustrating. I want to tell him how I feel too. I just want him to go first. Why won’t he just get this over with?

Should I wait for him? Or is this going nowhere? Lol thank you for your thoughts.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You know, if this is important to you (and it obviously is), why don't you push things forward? The way things seem to work with your generation is that you don't have this "What are we?" talk that was extremely common in my generation. Instead, you guys just date (or hook up) until you guys get to the point where you're always together and then organically you become a couple. No one ever declares anything, no one ever asks any questions -- it just happens.

    That said, there's no reason that you have to do things the way everyone else does so if you want to know the answer, why don't you ask if you guys can be official? For all you know, you're the only one of the two that's wondering about this and if you decide to wait for him to read your mind, you'll never get the result that you want.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Why won’t you go first? What if he’s waiting for the same thing, is your ego really worth the angst of what you’re feeling while waiting?

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 19

  • Immaturity and no fears of losing you nor competition on the horizon
    gives no pressure to getting cold feet over the stove to warm up and speak the terms that embrace stronger & even permanent commitments.

    Got to say THAT in itself is reason enough NOT to provide equally strong passions such as SEX to someone like that... another form of pressure, the coffee to wake up a sleepy "me, myself & I" sort.

    As far as going first = someone HAS to be the mature one else this shark dies from no movement... ever, be it this topic or others later. Ergo it follows if you REQUIRE such a guy, this is not The One, go shopping.
    If you really love this guy, then you must be mature enough to step up and not only declare first but also kindergarten teacher him into why he needs to respond in like kind, else this deal is dead and you feel strung along.
    Both want to remain together and still live in immature land? Fine - usually dating someone else HE feels his superior will break this ice with the caveat feeling may change on both sides.

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  • I think that he doesn't neccesarily have to say you're his girlfriend. I find it childish to tell a girl, do you want to be my gf?

    Rather he could say he wants you to be his only. But why waste time on someone that after 5 months didn't mention you're his now?

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  • The best you can do is a question or be brave and be the one who takes the step, some males are really shy when it comes to saying those things when it's important so if he loves you he'll do it but may take more time than usual to do so

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  • He's probably waiting for you as well. Get over the "wanting him to do it first" and just tell him. Otherwise if you're both "stubborn", it may never happen.

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  • He is taking it slow. Making you to watch out no one other than him. Making you think that he is the only one. And when you are sure that no one is better than him, that's the time u finally ask him about the love thing. I'd he doesn't say anything then you need to move on.

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  • If he does like you back in the same way he is probably extremely nervous and/or shy about if you think the same way. And guys don't have to ask first, try talking about it to him first. Hope this helps.

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  • As I know
    The same situation was faced by me but I was frightened as that guy
    We will fear to say because we don't know whether you will accept us or not and loosing u people as friend is another problem that's why he is taking so long

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  • Just let it come naturally, it's nicer that way in the long run. Do his friends consider you his girlfriend (as in they know about you two?). If yes than cool no red flag.. so long as he's not 'hiding' you. Otherwise sometimes you don't need to label it or make it 'official'.. it's just come about naturally unsaid already. Let him say it first when he's ready.. be patient.. then smother him in affection and thank him. It'll be much more memorable/magic that way. Even if he says nothing if you're both happy and spending as much time together as you say it's definitely not going nowhere.

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  • Just go first, he is probably waiting for you to do the same thing. I mean he is already giving you such clear hints.
    I really don't know why women always need to be that mysterious.

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  • There's a lot of missing pieces to this story. A definite answer cannot be determined

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  • Sometimes boys also expect to have the initiative to be taken by girls
    Or he might not be expressing by fear of rejection

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  • Tough luck really you want a man to be forward you have a lot of feminist indoctrination and fear mongering to get through first.

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  • Because of the last crush he had and/or embarrassed about u

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  • he's shy, thats all. Unless he's a western spy

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  • Honestly maybe he is afraid of the comitment

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  • It's getting dumb.
    End the relationship

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  • Why does it have to be "official"?

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  • You should act on your own feelings. Waiting is one of those games women play. You can't demand this. It comes when he is confident about it.

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  • The same thing that's holding you back is holding him back.

    He doesn't want to be the first to be vulnerable.

    If it's frustrating for you that he doesn't confess his feelings and says he loves you just yet, but his actions so far have shown that he's very into you, you should take the initiative and tell him that you love him and that you want to be his girlfriend. From what I have gathered, he'll respond positively!

    OR...

    You could wait and get more frustrated.

    If I were you, I'd have told him how I feel at least three months back!

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What Girls Said 10

  • Literally talk to him. He could just be nervous or he could be scared of commitment. There are so many possibilities here that if you want to know you have to ask him. He may not be ready to say I love you yet. And that's ok. If he doesn't call your his girlfriend there's probably a reason if you guys have been dating that long I'm pretty sure you're official.

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  • When you get older you don't always send a note, "Will you go out with me? Yes or No?" You sometimes just already know. From what I can gather it's a relationship and not a booty call so I would say it's kind of already there. How does he introduce you to his friends or family? WHat does he call you

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  • You shouldn't wait for him. Maybe he doesn't like a label to your relationship as "girlfriend and boyfriend". Maybe he wants you to make things official, not him. Sometimes, if you want something done, then you got to do it yourself.

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  • Some guys don't think they need to have a title for the relationship. He knows you're his girlfriend so he doesn't need to tell you. If it really bothers you talk to him. Or just call him your boyfriend.
    When I was dating my husband, we never said we're boyfriend and girlfriend. We just knew and never had the title.
    Everyone knew we were dating and even kept asking when were we getting married.

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  • Maybe you should take the initiative and ask. Let him know you aren't going to wait forever and express how you feel to him. Maybe he's scared you don't feel the same way or maybe he has a commitment issue. Your best bet would be to sit down and have a long talk to him about it and get it out in the open

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  • Perhaps he is shy and embarrassed about showing affection. Rather than wait for him , if you want things to progress you could make the first move or you could wait and hope that he would meet your expectations

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  • Because guys are clueless and s women you have to lay it out for him that you will not turn him down if he asks

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  • Wait for it
    but continue shopping for a replacement in ways that won't further push his delicate shy feelings away

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  • Talk to him

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  • Taking it slow

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