Is it ok for my boyfriend to still have photos of his exs?

My boyfriend was in a 9 year relationship with someone he wasn't in love with (reason they broke up). He still has photos of her on facebook. They are no longer in contact as she has blocked him on everything. According to him, she has deleted all his photos from her facebook. He however still has photos of her. Some of them are with friends, other photos are of just her or with him. I'm quite a private person so there are no photos of us on his profile.

The other ex was a girl he dated briefly but it was super serious from the get go until he realized she was manipulative and a liar. He still has photos of their travels, not on facebook but on his computer. He said he won't ever look at them. I just don't get why he won't delete those pics. If he wants to keep the travel pics can't he just delete the ones with her in it? Also his 9 year ex, couldn't he delete that now that he's in a new relationship? He's not in contact with any of them and never wants to talk to them again.

Am I being unreasonable to feel like he should delete his pics of his exs?
  • Yes, I'm being unreasonable
    Vote A
  • No, I'm not being unreasonable
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Those people were an important part of his life. Even though he doesn't have feeling for them now, they were once very important to him and he probably has good memories from those days. I don't think it's fair to ask him to erase part of his history.

    My SO and I still have contact with some of our exes. We are Facebook friends with some. She and I have gone to dinner with two of hers. We both know that those relationships are over and so we do not feel threatened by them.

    I hope that you can get to that point also because I don't think it's good to try to make your partner edit their life story. As long as the relationship is over, I think it's best to accept that it happened and let it go and concentrate on making your relationship with him good going forward.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You’re being unreasonable. What does it matter if they’re there? They’re memories, they happened, there is a physical reminder of it. That’s it.
    It’s not like he’s meeting her at the pub every Thursday night to reminisce over them, they’re simply keepsakes of his experiences.
    A far more productive endeavour would be to work on your insecurity and work out which battles are worth fighting. It’s going to be invaluable both in relationships and life in general if this is the kind of thing you currently get worked up over

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What Guys Said 26

  • There is no reason to delete the pictures. They are part of his past. You can't erase someone's past no mater how much you wish it.

    You have to accept him for who he is today. That includes his past. His exes are part of who he is. His memories are part of who he is. You can't change that, and shouldn't even try.

    I would never under any circumstances delete old pictures of any type, including pictures of exes.

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  • Just because he remembers a past relationship doesn't mean he can't be fully invested in yours. That person had to have made a big impact on his life. There were probably good memories and bad memories. It can be really hard to bury all that. And I think as people mature they just learn to be grateful for the people they've had in their lives. Now if he were in contact with those people it would be totally different

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  • I have photos of all my exes (and all my historical photos) for memories sake in a bunch of folders backed up. A lot of guys will keep them and not think much of it and almost all my guy friends do (they tend to not be public though). I rarely if ever look at mine. If they aren't really a big deal to him and he's not constantly looking at them/reminiscing/not moving on then it's a problem. Otherwise eh I wouldn't read too much into it.

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  • You are being unreasonable.

    It's facebook for god's sake. There's no attachement he's just too lazy and not bothered enough to go through every single one of her picture and delete them.

    It serves no purpose to delete them, they're just part of a past history on a website.

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  • I think that because he had a relationship for that long he build a strong connection with her. They have been though a lot, even if he may say she doesn't mean anything to him anymore, he still will give a little fuck.

    Anyway about the pictures. Those are memories and i think they meant somethinf to him. I understand that u want him to delete them, but you shouldn't worry.

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  • Yes. Its a part of his past that matters to him. You need to stop being insecure or address the insecurity that you have about your relationship. Women have treasure boxes of notes from high school ir trinkets from ex boyfriends. And you are freaking about a photo?

    Focus on you guys together. Take photos. Make new memories. I bet he likes sex more than a photo.

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  • It was part of his life. It happened. He's entitled to the memories. Why does this bother you? It's long over.

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  • U know 9 years is really a long time its not easy to forger about it and it might take years to get over, give him time and space from the looks of it id say he is making serious afford, maybe try to help him.

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  • You know, I think you're being unreasonable here. Guys just tend to not be deleters. I know I haven't deleted any photos, including of my exes. In fact, I have photos of my exes all over my phone. Strangely, I don't have any photos of my ex-wife, however I do keep a copy of our old wedding website (I let the domain expire but kept the site up as a sub-domain on a different domain that I've kept) and that has lots of pictures of her. For me, keeping these pictures is meaningless, but I can't imagine going through the effort to actually delete any of these pictures. That just strikes me as a very female-only thing to do.

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  • Yes he should delete pics of his ex's , it makes you wonder
    what's he holding onto with keeping them pics sure you have
    every right to wonder about things.

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What Girls Said 15

  • You're not being unreasonable but you can't tell him what to do. I would not want to date somebody who can't let go of the past. Unlike a spouse, you can always replace a dating partner. If this is too much for you, then perhaps you need to get out of this relationship.

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  • When I broke up with my ex I kept photo's of him, not because I still had feelings for him but because I just didn't see the point of deleting them. It's a emotional action that shows, for me, I'm so attached and heartbroken I can't stand to see him anymore. But I was just kind of 'meh, whatever, some of them are funny.' Maybe it's the same with your man, he just doesn't care enough to do anything about it.

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  • I don't think he should have pictures of just him and his ex on Facebook. If you two get really serious and your friends and family add him and see he's still got pictures of her it's a bit embarrassing for you.

    The pictures on his laptop are okay tho, it's a memory. I still have pictures of me and my ex and me and my friends that I don't even speak to anymore on my laptop so that's not really a big thing.

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  • I've still got photos with my 3 ex's saved on my computer though I don't have feelings for any of them at all anymore. The only ones on facebook however are ones in friend groups and not just the 2 of us

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  • over time, even though those photos don't age & you do... you will win over them and these temptations
    if you have a killer photo of self from same era as theirs, then insure this is always around for comparison to ice this cake

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  • I have photos of me and my exes, it’s memories and it’s something that’s made him the man he is today, it’s nice to have a reminder of that from time to time

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  • Say you all have a clean break up and move on. Would you trash his photos or would you like to at least look at photos from back then and laugh about who you used to be?

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  • I’d be okay of the ones with friends even family I just wouldn’t be comfortable with him having pictures of her by herself

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  • You are absolutely being ridiculous... why should he have to delete his memories just cause you weren't part of them?

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  • He's just too lazy to do that. I wouldn't understand you getting upset about group photos, although just him and his ex, I'd understand.

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