How is it possible that I misread the whole situation with this guy? How do I get over feeling dumb?

We dated for 3 months and all of our dates lasted a long time meaning most dates were day dates and lasted 8 plus hours. We had great conversation, great sex and he expressed signs of jealousy when it came to other guys looking at me.

Everything seemed to be going perfect then out of the blue he distanced himself saying I deserved better than him. I know via mutual friends that there are no other girls etc.

How did I misread this? I just cannot make sense out of it. Im a pretty smart person and am pretty good at reading people and situations but this has me so confused.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You behavior probably didn't suggest him any sexual interest. I used to date this girl a year ago, everything was ok, she was smart and pretty and we also had fun chatting, but when I tried to get closer or generate a romantic mood it just didn't happen, so I just got bored and moved on.

    • Well we had plenty of sex and it is always very passionate. We still have been hooking up weekly.

    • Then you got just 2 options left.
      -He is too introvert and you did something that really bothered him and didn't notice. Maybe flirt with someone else or something.
      -He is too extrovert and just wanted to have sex with other girls.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I’m going through something similair but we were boyfriend/girlfriend for 5 months. Did y’all ever get into any arguments? Were y’all doing distance? Sometimes things just don’t work out, it’s not that y’all aren’t compatible but sometimes the spark just goes out and it’s no ones fault. Maybe he’s not over an ex. I can gaurenttee it’s nothing you did, sometimes guys get them into something because it’s goinf perfectly then they get some time to think and realize they don’t really want it because relationships are hard and the honey moon stage doesn’t last.

    • No arguments but we did have an age gap. He doesn't want any more kids or marriage and he doesn't think it is fair for me to miss out on those things. However, i told him I should get to decide bwcause maybe id be perfectly happy just being with him with no kids. And the attraction is still there. Our sex is amazing. He always says how attracted he is to me. We have been having sex weekly still. He is divorced and that ended 7 years ago. He has only dated 2 others since and they only lasted 2 months each. None of it makes sense to me.

    • It sounds like he does like you and is interested but him being distant is a red flag. Things are suppose to start progressing and get more intimate, not the opposite. I just think he’s probably not ready for that commitment yet. People don’t realize how hard relationships are until they’re really in one and realize the responsibilities of it. My ex just broke up with me a week ago because he wasn’t into the relationship anymore and I wish I would’ve realized the red flag along time ago: he started pulling away and putting less effort. The best thing you can do is ask this guy if he sees this going into a relationship or not. Don’t be pushy about it, just say something along the lines of “I’m not trying to pressure you or anything like that and I understand everyone takes things at their own pace and I don’t want to rush into anything but I am very interested in you and I see this going somewhere”

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Seems like he is a bit clingy. If he wants to spend almost every waking moment with you, it's good and all, but you two need space apart or else the time you do have together is less valuable. Talk to him about it.

    • What? Your response doesn't make sense with my question. How does he seem clingy?

    • You said that every date you two had was 8 plus hours and that he hates when other guys look at you. He sees you as his own. That's good. It seems like he wants too much time with you though. If all your dates were long days and he gets jealous a lot, he might be nervous that he will lose you to another guy so he tries to spend a ton of time with you. Maybe i misread the situation though.

  • Online dating.

    • He and our mutual friends assured me there is no one else he is talking to or wants to be with. And he has never done online dating.

    • It's never too late to try lol

  • What was his reason to distance himself?

    • He said that I deserved way more than he could offer me. He said i could get any guy I wanted etc. Read my response to annoymous. He cried when he said that to me.

    • Oh, then it was some emotional sentiment that might have triggered his feelings. But she should try to make him understand about their mutual feelings and she is far better and happy with the love that he is offering.

What Girls Said 1

  • He might be afraid of commitment

    • Well what can I do to help him with that? He was badly burnt by his ex wife as she cheated on him.

    • I mean if he isn't ready, there's not much you can do. You can support him, but you deserve someone who is willing to take the risk of being hurt by you

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