Boyfriend slacking in school and recently fired from work, partially because of me. What to do?

he's often late for class/work because he wants to stay up late talking to me, then oversleeps. Or he's often late from his class/work breaks because he wants to talk to me. I often push him to stop and tell him that he can talk to me later but he chooses not to put us on hold. I mean its sweet bt i take school seriously and now knowing he's fired from work bothers me. Should i become more strict and setup up a talk/sleep schedule?
  • Boyfriend slacking in school and recently fired from work, partially because of me. What to do?Set up a time schedule to help him balance things
    Vote A
  • Boyfriend slacking in school and recently fired from work, partially because of me. What to do?Let him do him, he's responsible for his actions
    Vote B
  • Boyfriend slacking in school and recently fired from work, partially because of me. What to do?I totally understand why he’s late
    Vote C
  • Boyfriend slacking in school and recently fired from work, partially because of me. What to do?Its your fault for not hanging up first
    Vote D
  • Boyfriend slacking in school and recently fired from work, partially because of me. What to do?Break up so he can focus
    Vote E
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I guess i dont push him away as much (by hanging up/not answering calls) is because if its not me he's focusin on, then its videogames or anime. Either way, he puts school and work last everytime and I don't know how to motivate him. Im not the best expert on jobs (since i quit mine due to stress and suicidal thoughts) but i was a total overachiever in HS and college and want him to at least do good in one of the two
Thanks for the opinions guys. We’re in a lonng distance relationship, so i guess its hard to let go when you have to go months of just chatting. Even our fams feel we’re on the phone too much. We basically talk for like 1-2 hours in the morning, 1-2 hours in the afternoon then like from 10pm-2am. So i’ll try to cut it down some. On days he has to get up early (6-8) i guess i’ll try to subtract 7 good hours from that time to cut our phone call short

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Awwww , so cute. 😄 .. no don't tell him anything. It's ok to think about yourself in this situation , because it will help him. Tell him when you are tired ho to sleep. You can get much more done with more rest , and he will as well. 👍 good luck. The simple things count, i say this to myself a lot when i think to much--> kiss K-keep/// I-it ///S-simple ///S-stupid (Not really calling myself stupit , just a way to help relax, and think things threw) 🤓

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    • And, I totally understand why he is late..

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    • Hahaha thats totally him

    • Ha ha , he loves you , a lot 😍

  • I vote C... he's totally in love and love makes blind.
    However, you'll have to insist that he acts more responsibly. His job is also important for both of you to be happy together :D
    No employer will change for him, he'll have to find a compromise between being with you and getting enough sleep / respecting the end of his break.
    It's certainly not yo fault and you certainly shouldn't break up if you love him!

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    • Thank you ❤️

    • No problem Desi. I really hope you can sort it out - I can feel with my eyes closed you love the guy to pieces!!

Most Helpful Girls

  • You can’t blame yourself. He needs to be more responsible. I think the question is, do you want to be with someone they irresponsible. You’re still young and that’s all fine and dandy now. Once he’s into a real career and done with school. He can’t do doing all this shit. He’s going to have to pay bills, car pymts, house or rent pymts, utilities. And he’s just okay waking up late and showing up to class and work late because he wants to sit up and talk? He’s going to end up being 40 living with his parents because he can’t take care of himself, which means he certainly won’t be able to take care of you. You better learn how to start hanging up the phone, girl. He needs to pull his shit together real quick.

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    • I mean he's def more independent than me. But i just dont wanna feel im to blame. And even if i hang up the phone he’ll still staybup playin video games

  • He needs to be responsible for his school work and work life. And if he can't do so while dating with you, then you need to end the relationship. That way, you can't be used as an excuse. Don't do like my close friend has done. It only hurt her in the end.

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    • I mean he didn't blame me, im blaming myself. But i know im not the only reason, and i really dont wanna break up :( but this kinda happened witth his last job too. They didn't fire him but they didn't ask him to stick around after his seasonal position because he was often late to work

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    • Well im shocked we’re still goin. I feared we’d burnout too but we’re doin good and its been like 7 months already

    • No, that's because both of you just like to talk a lot. But again, you need to cool it down. Because it is affecting his life in general, and the last thing you don't need is for this to continue to go on. What future is he going to have if this is just ripping him apart because of this relationship? This is what it means to make sacrifices.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 28

  • Nobody gets fired for being late just a few times. It had to do with other reasons, so don't blame yourself. Going to bed late doesn't mean he can't wake up early. He just needs to better organize himself. Getting fired should be a good enough reason to get organized. Lists don't do any good for naturally disorganized people.

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    • Dang i never thought of it that way. I mean i was thinkin it could be his occasional attitude too, but they claim you get points everytime ur late and he reached he max capacity for termination

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    • Dang. Maybe they weren't happy with him so they let him break the rules and used it against him. On the bright side the north is full of jobs 😀

    • Ok I'm glad you said that cause what I wasn't going to say is the different variations of "I didn't know I couldn't be late" is pretty much the epitome of bad excuses when firing. The company I work for even included it during training because it's the most common excuse.

  • Put boundaries in place, if you need to put the relationship on hold to get him to focus then do it. Do what's best for him as far as you can and don't talk to him when he needs sleep. Basically you're gonna have to tough love him =/

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  • He chooses what he does so the consequences are his fault. He chooses to stay up late, he chooses to talk to you on the phone longer than he has time for etc. If he will not put the call on hold then you should be the one to end the call. Do not answer his call or text when he should be focusing on school.

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    • But if he's not talkin to me, he's gonna hop on his game and talk to the guys all night

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    • @DizzyDesii He has got to want to change his ways or anything you try to do will not work and if it does it will be temporary.

    • you're so right. Everytime i think he's changin (in terms of other personal issues we’re goin thru) he’ll only change temporarily for like 2-3 days then its back to old him

  • Your guy needs to be smacked on his head like he can schedule things he's grown how you gonna get the girl when you fucking up? Like you need to set conditions so he can stay focused and come out of lala land

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    • Yea yea you right lol. I used to do ultimatums but he eventually realized it was a bluff. So it barely works now

    • When you mean it he would be serious

  • Ultimately. He is in charge of his own time. He is the one to decide to go to sleep and to be on time. This is not your fault. Tell him to put his big boi pants on.

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  • You are always responsible for your own actions. granted, love can blind in this regard but it shouldn't take your focus away from other issues in life

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  • Women always make men stumble. Women are dangerous. I keep saying vagina, booty and breasts are what make me fall in the end.

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  • He's irresponsible, that's not your fault, but whether you should help him out of his bad habits depends how much he's worth to you.

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  • Schedules sounds too regimented, if someones losing a job over there telephone habits then surely a large part of the responsibility falls with them.

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    • I mean he didn't blame me, im blaming myself. But i know im not the only reason, and i really dont wanna break up  but this kinda happened witth his last job too. They didn't fire him but they didn't ask him to stick around after his seasonal position because he was often late to work

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    • @DizzyDesi to me I still think the greatest invention in the world is the snooze button... I'm with your boyfriend on this occassion! lol

    • Lol its a habit for him

  • this guy sounds like an irresponsible immature person. If he doesn't have his shit together yet at his age you need someone better, closer to you.

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  • Work out a schedule for talking time and when he should focus on other
    important things.

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    • Thank you for that 😍🙌

  • Tell him to get his shit together unless he wants to live in a van down by the river! If you get that reference high five.

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  • Push him to be the best he can be (motivate him) but don't be over bearing you are not his mom

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    • Yea thats what im afraid i’ll come across as

    • That's an understandable concern but this is also one of the roles a girlfriend can play be his motivator if you think that's what he needs & don't blame yourself for his failings (unless he's called out of work cause you told him to that's on him)

    • ... or he may just need a kick in the ass😒

  • You made the guy lose control over his life :s
    Give him some support and show him that he can't be dependent only on you

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  • I think it's something you should of already done before all this happened. I mean its sweet to want to talk to all day all night but if its interfering with progressing in life that's not sweet anyone. Its destructive

    Now imagine if one day this dies out a little cause it's not like he will be like this forever. And now he's obsessed with something and completely ignores you like he's doing with school and work

    Just don't. Be the balance to his overly passionate character towards you. He will appreciate you in the future for it big time

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  • he is a grown person, he needs to learn time management better.

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  • You should help him to organize his time better if you really love him

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    • I try but he always does what he wants.

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    • Yea im trying but its hard to get hired cause they keep sayin i have no job experience

    • Try finding an internship for young specialists in the sphere which you are interested in.

  • All of these are hard choices especially the last one um, maybe the first one.

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  • He must really loves you. :)

    It looks like you're going to have to setup a schedule.

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  • Stop communicating with him when you know he should be class/at work

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    • Even if i hang up, he’ll call back. I know i dont have to pick up, but still

    • You could tell him that you're losing interest. Success is attractive and if he's starting to fall behind with things he could become less attractive

    • Lol i kinda hinted that before because i was a big nerd in school... but it didn't work :(

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What Girls Said 9

  • I think that you should set a schedule and let him know that you're really serious about it. Let him know that you're not trying to put you guys' relationship last, but that he has to get on his game.

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  • Tell him he needs to balance better, it's great that he wants to talk to you but if it's causing him to lose responsibility in other things and that's not good.

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  • I think he’s basically the kind of guy who needs your help and someone to be strict with him.
    Good luck.

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  • In this situation, setting up up some boundaries isn't pushing him away. It's supporting him and prioritizing his well being. You guys can agree to have meals together or spend some time after work or school together but you should set a time at night where contact has to cut off so that he gets an adequate amount of rest. A little bit of separation can be good for the 2 of you too. Imagine how much more you'll enjoy your time together when you 2 have some down time. Congrats on your relationship by the way :).

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    • Well we’re in a long distance relationship. So phone is about all we have

    • Oh. I wasn't aware of that. Encouraging him to manage his time is still beneficial. It can be stressful but if he manages his time right, he can find a win/win/win solution between work/school/and your relationship.

  • Sounds like you've got yourself a real winner, there

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  • Its not your fault its sweet, if you feel guilty, just help him find a new job :)

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  • Yes, definitely set up a schedule.

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  • Yes you should. That's crazy

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  • Help him

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