Why do I feel guilty for doing things when he wasn’t my bf?

I️ have been with my boyfriend for 1.3 years. However, we only became officially boyfriend and girlfriend around April 2017. My boyfriend and i met in September 2016. I️ told him in November/December that I️ wanted to take things further and be in an actual relationship. He told me “I️ don’t really want one right now... that doesn’t mean I️ never want one with you. Just not at this time”. I️ told him “ok, then i might date other people and see if someone is looking to have a relationship”. I️ told him i was going on a date, and I️ did, back in December. Things didn’t workout with that guy. Then, I️ also had sex with someone else (an old flame). My boyfriend, at the time, told me I️t was fine if I️ did things/dated other people, as he wasn’t asking me to wait for him to be ready. But, I️ still feel guilty for doing these things. I️ feel I️ am a bad person because I️ didn’t tell him I️ had sex with another person. I️ also feel I️ don’t need to tell him, as he wasn’t my boyfriend, and I️t wasn’t cheating. I️ think that NOW me and my f are together and deeply
In love, I️ feel guilty about I️t. At the time, I️ didn’t feel guilty. But, I️ feel telling him will just do more harm than good. Me having sex with someone else, happened almost a year ago.

0|0
110

Most Helpful Guy

  • Probably because you wanted a relationship to him and you wanted him as your boyfriend, your heart was somewhat bound to this guy as you gave your body to another man.

    I'm confused, what WERE you two doing all that time? You were with him as in dating him but you just weren't an official couple? Or am I mistaken and you weren't dating him during the time you started going out with others? If you were dating him (were you having sex with the guy during that time too... sex with your boyfriend) I'd call that kind of questionable behavior if you were dating your boyfriend (but just not full on committed yet) and having actual sex with someone else.

    If you are actually having sex I don't consider it honorable to date anyone other than who you are having sex with. Once you have sex than you are pretty much bound to see things through with that person to see if things work out long term and you don't have sex with anyone else during that time... not until you completely part ways with someone you having sex with.

    So you are dating this guy, you want him to be your boyfriend but he isn't ready to call it that but then you go have sex with someone else while still seeing your (now) boyfriend? If that were me I wouldn't be ok with it. I actually wouldn't want to date anyone who was having sex with someone else. See things through with that other guy... don't be having sex with both of us. That's really kind of gross.

    0|0
    0|0
    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • I️ did want a relationship, yes. But, he told me he did not want one. I️ told him, I️ would date other people and find someone who wants a relationship. My now boyfriend told me, “that’s ok, I️ still want to be around until you find that one. If the dates don’t workout, then I’ll still be here”. He also told me, when he misunderstood what I️ said (before I️ had sex with someone else) “it’s okay, I️ know you have needs and I️ am not always around”. Therefore, he literally gave me the choice to have sex with others/date others/see them. I️ had sex with that other person ONE time, and this was during a time I️ didn’t see my now boyfriend very often either.

      Now that it’s said and done, I️ do feel guilty. Even though this happened nearly a year ago. I️ am not saying I️ am proud of my actions, or they are justified. But, I️ am saying, I️t is what happened.

    • Show All
    • Yes, I️ understand your view. However, I️ also have my boyfriend the option to see others. We weren’t 100% committed, but, we were seeing each other and getting to know each other.

    • You keep mixing "see others" as being the same as "have sex with others"
      Maybe he won't mind but he should know. If he is going to mind and think you had gone too far than it is best to get this out of the way now.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I guess you feel this way cause now you're in love with him.
    But to that time like you said, you were single and you had everyright to do what you did. You did nothing wrong, you didn't cheated on him and who knows what he did in that time.
    It's fine, don't be harsh on yourself! He didn't asked you to wait and you were not obligated to wait for someone who wasn't sure about you to that time

    0|0
    0|0
    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 9

  • I think things happen for a reason and whatever situation you have if it is working then that is good. Now I really don't think telling him now is going to do any good and you will only be doing it for your own guilt. It will probably cause more problems telling him specially at this point

    0|0
    0|0
  • Its good that you feel guilty. Means you wanna be loyal to this guy.
    Let the past go, stay loyal from now on.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I think after 3 dates, if either person dates or does stuff with others, then they are the immoral kind of people I don't like and could not respect.

    0|0
    0|0
    • And if the person you are dating, tells you “I️ don’t want a relationship right now”. Then, you are just supposed to wait and see if they ever decide that’s what they want?

    • Show All
    • Yes. Either break up completely then have sex with others. You don't keep seeing your guy and dating him and then have sex with someone else.

      Break up... or don't have sex with anyone while seeing where things go with your boyfriend. The way you describe it you were dating your boyfriend and possibly having sex with him AND going off and having sex with another man at the same time because your guy wasn't ready to call you an official couple.

      He may not care about it but I still think he needs to know so he has the chance to back out of your relationship if he does have a problem with you going all the way to sex while going out with someone else and him.

    • Dating someone else and having full blown SEX with someone else aren't on the same level.
      If I start going out with a woman but we aren't in a relationship yet, still kind of new and we are also meeting other people too that's one thing but if she actually has sex with someone else, I don't want to date her. That's too far to still be seeing another person too. Sex is on a whole other level.

  • You better do for him the same things you did with your old flame. If
    not, he'll leave you and he wouldn't be wrong.

    0|0
    0|0
  • This guilt will not likely go away. You should tell him since it's obviously bothering you.

    0|0
    0|1
  • low self value.. You are who you are, be proud.. Self inflicted guilt is a self esteem issue.

    0|0
    0|0
    • You believe I️ should not be feeling guilt?

    • Show All
    • Your a sweetheart. your fine.. wish I could find a a girl as sweet as you..

    • Maybe I️ just feel badly, because I️ value honesty - and I️ am not being honest. But, I️ am also not lying.

      There are many sweet girls out there, don’t worry :)

  • No need to tell anything. You weren't together.

    1|0
    1|0
    • We were seeing each other. And I️ told him “you can see other women too”. He told me “that isn’t really my style”. I️ guess I️ feel guilty because I️ told him about me going on a date with someone else, but I️ didn’t tell him when i had sex with someone else. I️ try and reason that, he wasn’t my boyfriend. He told me he didn’t want to be serious. Why should I️ owe him this truth?

    • Show All
    • Yes, I️ feel telling him would just be for me to ease my guilt. I️ don’t think it’s really to benefit him.

      Do you know how I️ can remove this guilt?

    • There is no way. You either feel it or not. It won't magically wither away. Only with time.

  • I wouldn't tell

    0|0
    1|0
    • I️ just hate feeling guilty. Even though, I️ didn’t technically do anything wrong. And i didn’t cheat on him!

    • and that's why I'd let it go. it was another time.

  • You're overthinking it...

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion, but you can still contribute by sharing an opinion!

Recommended myTakes

Loading...