Girlfriend allows neck and upper back massages at her work... is this weird or no big deal?

I'm in a new relationship with a wonderful woman who works in a bank. She's always been really up front and honest with me (we started dating a few months ago.) And while discussing boundaries and what we sorta expect from each other she brought up a scenario explaining how this guy at her work massage her shoulders on occasion. And she admits that she loves the massages she does recognize that maybe it's something I wouldn't like.

So we talked it out, I asked all of the typical questions. He's good looking but she's never felt attraction towards him because he's so needy and insecure. He massages all the women's shoulders. He's never hid it from others. Nobody in the office seems to care. It's less than 2 minutes when it occurs. And it's maybe once a week for the last 3 years... which she said makes her unsure what she would even say if she was going ask him to stop doing it.

Logically I know he's no threat, there's nothing happening sexually for her, she never invites him to massage her, the chair is always between him and her, it's always just the shoulders and upper back, there's never been even the slightest miss touch or boob graze, there's no flirting between them.

And she's even said that if it was me in the office she'd probably not like me getting the massage.

So what are your thoughts? I need someone else perspective.
  • It's no big deal.
    Vote A
  • I would ask her to stop.
    Vote B
  • It depends... I would have more questions.
    Vote C
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Most Helpful Guy

  • As soon as you have to ask a partner to stop doing something that disrespects you, then it's game over. You should never have to request that your partner respects your boundaries, they should do it because they actually respect you.

    If you ask her to stop, you will look insecure and controlling. If you don't ask her to stop, you will look like you do not set boundaries and can be walked over.

    The shoulder massages are a clear boundary crossing and she knows it. This is a huge red flag...

    I've noticed that a lot of women that have bfs lack boundaries at work and it's always a slippery slope.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • Ya I agree with most of this actually. With this girl she basically asked me what I thought of it, as a way of seeing what my boundaries were. I thought about it and decided that if I saw it happen I wouldn't like it, therefore I didn't like it. She then said "Ok, If you’re not comfortable with it then it won’t happen." So I don't know, it's fine I guess. I would have preferred that she didn't have to ask and just had a good sense of herself, but I can't be upset about a boundary we've never discussed.

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What Girls Said 2

  • It's actually worse if he's so needy, as his intentions might not be so innocent. While she might be faithful and not really cheat, it's never just a friendly gesture if the other person is single and from the opposite sex.

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  • ask her to stop

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What Guys Said 2

  • She can't have it both ways here. If she is uncomfortable with you getting one then she should not be able to herself. Hypocritical.

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  • Weird bro

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