So we talked it out, I asked all of the typical questions. He's good looking but she's never felt attraction towards him because he's so needy and insecure. He massages all the women's shoulders. He's never hid it from others. Nobody in the office seems to care. It's less than 2 minutes when it occurs. And it's maybe once a week for the last 3 years... which she said makes her unsure what she would even say if she was going ask him to stop doing it.
Logically I know he's no threat, there's nothing happening sexually for her, she never invites him to massage her, the chair is always between him and her, it's always just the shoulders and upper back, there's never been even the slightest miss touch or boob graze, there's no flirting between them.
And she's even said that if it was me in the office she'd probably not like me getting the massage.
So what are your thoughts? I need someone else perspective.
- It's no big deal.
- I would ask her to stop.
- It depends... I would have more questions.
Most Helpful Guy
As soon as you have to ask a partner to stop doing something that disrespects you, then it's game over. You should never have to request that your partner respects your boundaries, they should do it because they actually respect you.
If you ask her to stop, you will look insecure and controlling. If you don't ask her to stop, you will look like you do not set boundaries and can be walked over.
The shoulder massages are a clear boundary crossing and she knows it. This is a huge red flag...
I've noticed that a lot of women that have bfs lack boundaries at work and it's always a slippery slope.1